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Mothering › Groups › April 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › How do I know there's really a baby in there?

How do I know there's really a baby in there?

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

This is my 3rd pregnancy (first was a miscarriage at 12w), but my miscarriage included tons of spotting and pain so I wasn't surprised when an early u/s told us there was no heartbeat. This time we're not planning on doing an u/s until 20w and I'm honestly not showing much or even having symptoms except being tired a lot, but I have a 2 year old to chase around so that's nothing new. I guess I'm just feeling like I want to know already! We had decided to tell everyone we're pregnant now that I'm out of the 1st trimester, but the more I read, the more I'm realizing that doesn't mean anything. So I guess my question is: Is an u/s the only way to know if there's someone alive down there? I'm having my first mw appt on Thursday, but I seem to remember it taking a long time to hear a heartbeat last time. Are sudden unexpected miscarriages common? ...and are there are any options besides an u/s to get a real answer about things?

post #2 of 10
It isn't very common to have a miscarriage after the first trimester. I already had a 8 week ultrasound, but I don't feel totally convinced there is a baby there either, despite being sick and tired. I think I'll be convinced once I start feeling movement in a few weeks. You might be able to hear heartbeat with a doppler. I think your midwife will try at least.
post #3 of 10

I know what you mean, I had a hard time believing I was pregnant (despite the symptoms and missed periods!) until we heard the heartbeat. My midwife picked it up with the doppler at 12w5d (I think). She said it's possible we won't be able to hear it yet but she got it for several seconds before the bean swam away. That's exactly what I said to her, "wow, there's really a baby in there!".


Once they start moving, kicking, and your belly grows it feels more real but both times so far in early pregnancy I've thought "what if I'm wrong and I'm not pregnant after all?". When I had spotting with DD listening with the doppler was a tough choice since it was early. I didn't want to worry more that it was bad news if we couldn't hear it, but then if we heard it that would be super reassuring.

post #4 of 10
It's a funny thing, isn't it, this suspicion that you might not really be pregnant... Our logical brains know we are, but somewhere else we're just not quite there yet.

Ask your MW this week if she can find the Heartbeat with a Doppler (if you are comfortable with that).

With my second baby, my MW found the baby's heartbeat at 10.5 weeks (she asked if I wanted her to try, then warned me not to worry if she couldn't find it since it was still fairly early). This time, I have already had an ultrasound and I know there's a baby (just one, thank you very much!), but I still sometimes forget I am pregnant. You know, if I catch myself at a moment when I am not exhausted/nauseous/ lying awake in huge middle of the night...
post #5 of 10
Sara---- I am right there with you! not planning any ultrasounds and won't listen for the heartbeat for 10 more days (which I admit doesn't sound so far away as it did a month ago)..... so hard, with all the mamas around us getting their first u/s or hearing the heartbeat for the first time and also just hearing scary stories. it feels hard for me to have made it to the second tri and want to feel like I can be out and open (still waiting to go fully public until we hear a heartbeat) but also not having any external confirmation. I am starting to show just a bit---- but even that doesn't help--- somedays it will make me light up to see that little bump and others I feel like its small again and what if I stopped growing?! and what does this mean!?! and what does that mean?! it's interesting to note that both symptoms and lack of symptoms
make me worry smile.gif I guess it's just normal to worry and soon enough we will both really know with big round bellies and moving babes. the beginning is so hard sometimes... this is my first pregnancy, and was shocked to discover how scary and isolating the first trimester can be.

also, it is very likely yr mw will listen with a Doppler at yr next appt ---- let us know!
post #6 of 10

I hear ya... I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks a year ago, so when I went to my 12 week appt I had a lot of anxiety (despite being MISERABLY sick until a few days ago and having pretty strong symptoms...) It was a huge relief when the MW just put the doppler down and we immediately heard the heartbeat! I told dh that I'm finally starting to believe that we will end up with a baby in April... I'm sure I will feel more confident after the next 2-4 weeks when I start to pop a bit more and feel movement.

post #7 of 10
I feel this way too. The two months if missed period. The two pregnancy tests I took were positive. The nausea and crazy sense of smell. But I still won't believe it until I hear a heartbeat.
We have our appointment with the midwife on Tuesday. I think I'm 10 weeks so we are hoping to find a heartbeat with the dopplar. But I know it's still early. I'm feeling more connected to my body this time than I did when I had a miscarriage in July at 6 weeks. This pregnancy I'm really focused on sending my energy and light and visualizing a healthy baby growing inside me.
post #8 of 10
Thread Starter 

Thanks for all your stories ladies. I had my MW appointment yesterday (at 13w) and we found the heartbeat with the doppler right away....yay! I'm also definitely starting to show a bit more, so that helps. Just glad to know it's not all in my mind.

post #9 of 10

"How do I know there's really a baby in there?" --> If I could have a phrase to summarize my first trimester, this would be it.  This whole pregnancy experience is such an immensely spiritual time, because it requires such a deep level of surrender and trust.  The only moments I have proof that everything is fine is when the doppler is directly over my baby and I can hear, with no uncertainty, my baby's heart beating.  But as soon as that moment is over and the proof is gone, the worry returns.  What if...


So I have a choice.  Do I allow anxiety and fear to rule the roost, or do I let go and surrender to what is happening, fully accepting that part of the beauty of this sacred time is the mysterious unknown.  Do I still have anxiety and freak out from time to time - heck yes!  But I'm settling into this pregnancy in new ways and continually learning and re-learning to surrender to what is, even when I don't know what is.  


Wishing us all peaceful pregnancies <3

post #10 of 10

Visualization really helps me when I'm beginning to feel the fear.  After hearing the heartbeat, I pictured my baby like a great beating heart (the pretty kind), before that the baby was a shining sun.  I find it helpful to focus on their essence rather than physical shape. 

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