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Piercing baby ears - okay or not? - Page 3

post #41 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by JooAnna View Post

So what most of you people are saying is that when your kids are oldder and can decide, ya'll are just going to let them because they wanted to?? If they want to smoke at 8 or drink or do drugs or anything its just going to be ok because they said so?? No... Well you see letting them decide isn't always the best and we always have to be there for them that's why we are parents, to guide,protect,and understand them throughout live not just a piercing that could be removed when desired to.

That was not a good comparison.

I can only speak for myself. And, no, when my DD decides she wants her ears pierced I may still say no. The difference is that I, as a parent, don't have the right to alter my kids' body without her consent. Doesn't matter what the reason is.
post #42 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by erinmattsmom88 View Post

What a strange thing to say... and how presumptuous of you to think your kid will be ok with it or agree with your choice. Shouldn't your daughter get to choose when and if she wants them pierced? I guess it's too late for yours now. I have a real problem with parents making choices for their kids. Seriously, piercing the ears of a 3-month-old?? A 3-month-old!!!!! Why is that necessary?? I agree that it definitely sends the wrong message.

I still don't understand why y'all keep saying it sends the wrong message. We dont live in the time were having your ears pierced means your wrong, or that your a prostitute like before people would judge. Yeah if she doesn't like them by age 4 or so she can always take them off, as simple as that. And of course my daughter is beautiful with or without ear studs! And you can't really say you have a problem with moms "making decisions" for their kids, when you yourself will make decisions for yours that they'll disagree with you and you will STILL DO. Like the person before said when they ask you if they can drink or smoke you'll of course say no but thats not them making their decisions thats you making it for them!
post #43 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by erinmattsmom88 View Post

That was not a good comparison.

I can only speak for myself. And, no, when my DD decides she wants her ears pierced I may still say no. The difference is that I, as a parent, don't have the right to alter my kids' body without her consent. Doesn't matter what the reason is.

You say you don't want to alter your DD's body without her consent and yet you say if SHE tells you she wants them pierced you'll still say no? That makes no sense.
post #44 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by angie011812 View Post


You say you don't want to alter your DD's body without her consent and yet you say if SHE tells you she wants them pierced you'll still say no? That makes no sense.

What doesn't make sense? A 3-month-old can't tell you if she wants her ears pierced or not. By doing it anyway, you are making that decision without her consent. My DD is almost 6. If she comes to me tomorrow and asks to get her ears pierced, I will say yes or no. We will talk about it together and make a decision from there. The difference is that she came to me and she is old enough to understand what it means, how it's done, what she has to do to care for them. A baby can't do this. Just because my DD wants to do something doesn't automatically mean that she will be allowed to do it. When I said I won't alter my DD's body without her consent, I meant that no decisions like that will be made without her consent/input. If I think she isn't ready, I as a parent can say no. That makes a lot of sense.

post #45 of 120

I have no problem with ear piercings on little girls, so I would not be comparing my daughter's one-day-potentially asking to drugs or alcohol.  However, I have decided I will wait for the day when she can articulate the question.  I like earrings, so that will be the day, after checking if she is sure, I will take for piercings.

 

I have a neighbor who had always pierced her daughters' ears as babies, and her daughters are doing the same thing with their baby girls now.  I was never against it, per say, but worried about upsetting the baby.

 

One of them explained there is a rather ideal window for it, though.

 

I don't care enough about the subject to cry child cruelty, but I'd rather my daughter make her own decision.

 

On a random note, my sister was terrified of piercings.  It wasn't until a college class assigned the students to go out and do something that terrified them and write a paper on it that she had her ears pierced. 

post #46 of 120

I don't like causing my babies pain just to decorate them. I see no reason to do this to a baby. I waited until my girls were not only old enough to ask for their ears to be pierced, but take part in after care. One of my kids was 5, one was 7 and one was 9. My youngest got her pierced at 9 and kept having problems with tissue growing over the earring back, even overnight. So after a year she took them out and let them grow over and has not asked to have them pierced again.

 

Part of my "culture" sometimes pierces infant's ears. So? I make my own decisions, and let my children make theirs.  Just because someone's "culture" says something is OK or right, doesn't mean it IS right. Part of the "culture" of the USA once said it was OK to use racial slurs and even own other people, some "cultures" think it's recommended to remove the clitorises and labia of little girls or "iron" their breasts into oblivion. Culture or religion doesn't make something ethically right, nor is ANYONE compelled to do ANYTHING simply because "their culture" says they should.

 

We all have the right to free will. I'm NOT only my culture. I'm my own person. And, I think causing babies pain, putting things on them that they could choke on, or risk infection and more pain just for decoration isn't ever warranted.

post #47 of 120
I've read the first 15 posts or so and I am so happy to see so many who feel the way I do! When I had my daughter, there were so many things I did that was against the "norm" and I heard about from my family every chance they got. It was so annoying. Peircing her ears were one of them. I said she needed to ask for it before we would do it. She is going to be 6 her next birthday and she has talked about, so we will do it then and really make it special for her.
post #48 of 120
I got my ears pierced when I was nine and it hurt!!! I can't imagine doing that to my newborn baby. Yikes! It is a big deal in my culture. Spanking with a belt is also something that happens a lot in my culture but no way is any hitting happening in this house much less with a belt.

It's not about judging others. You can have an opinion about something someone does without judging them. If you know an alcoholic and say, "His drinking is not good for him", are you judging him? No. Actually, to say nothing is worse.

Someone has to stick up for the rights of babies. Their tiny ears are part of their integrity and should be honored. In our culture babies are generally not looked at as people who need to be respected, but they are no less entitled to rights as any adult. Imagine if I pierced my husband's ears or cut his hair while he was sleeping. Most would think that was wrong because he didn't have a say in it. Is he more human than a baby?

It's about educating people, not judging them.
post #49 of 120
Hubby is a doc, and he has had to cut the studs out of the inside of babies earlobes because of swelling, growth, etc. He says it is not uncommon. While I wouldn't pierce for other reasons (allowing my daughter to make that choice herself being the big one), I wouldn't want to risk THAT for my little one!
post #50 of 120

It seems some posts got a bit too personally critical. I've removed several of them and ask that everyone please keep in mind this is a discussion about a topic that there will certainly be disagreement over. Please respect that, share your opinion in calm and respectful words. While you can certainly express your feelings and thinking, please avoid making the discussion personally pointed. 

 

Now, back to the topic:

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

I didn't pierce my kids' ears as babies. I felt like it should be something they ask for. OTOH piercing a child's ears when they're old enough to fiddle with them causes problems, or at least did in my house, and I can see the benefit of doing it when they're so young that they'll be healed up before they think of it.

Also ear piercing is a cultural tradition in some communities. I know it is sometimes compared to circumcision but it doesn't seem as severe to me so it doesn't feel the same to me.

I guess I've mellowed over this issue as the years have gone by. At one time it felt like a huge deal to me if someone had their baby's ears pierced, but now I see both sides more. That doesn't mean I'd do it at this point, just that I feel less judgmental about it.

What are your thoughts?
 
post #51 of 120

Reading this has also made me wonder about the safety aspects. My daughter is 2. If she gets a part of her body or her clothes caught on something, she doesn't have the spatial awareness to stop right away before she makes it worse, or the coordination to extricate herself. Typically she has to get me to do it. This isn't usually a big deal, but if it were regarding an earring that was embedded in her flesh, it seems there would be the definite potential for injury. How does this even work with small girls who have earrings? Can they run around and play and crawl under things like usual, or do they have to be careful? I would hate to circumscribe my daughter's play because of notions of what's appropriate for her gender, and piercing her ears and then requiring her to play cautiously seems like a version of this. An older girl would be more able to recognize what kind of play is and isn't safe based on the way she's dressed, remove her earrings for soccer practice or whatever, etc. 

post #52 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by erigeron View Post

Reading this has also made me wonder about the safety aspects. My daughter is 2. If she gets a part of her body or her clothes caught on something, she doesn't have the spatial awareness to stop right away before she makes it worse, or the coordination to extricate herself. Typically she has to get me to do it. This isn't usually a big deal, but if it were regarding an earring that was embedded in her flesh, it seems there would be the definite potential for injury. How does this even work with small girls who have earrings? Can they run around and play and crawl under things like usual, or do they have to be careful? I would hate to circumscribe my daughter's play because of notions of what's appropriate for her gender, and piercing her ears and then requiring her to play cautiously seems like a version of this. An older girl would be more able to recognize what kind of play is and isn't safe based on the way she's dressed, remove her earrings for soccer practice or whatever, etc. 

Of all the arguments pro or against this practice in this thread, this I s the only one that I thought was really interesting. Everything Else I had heard in one form or another, and as a person who had her ears pierced as a baby, it's hard to get all up in arms about it.

But limiting a girl's play because of cosmetic decisions made for her? That's just the worst. That's how gender conditioning begins.
post #53 of 120
Thread Starter 
My older daughter asked for her ears to be pierced at some point. Maybe 9 or so? And I got them pierced but then she hurt her ear a little during play and the ear got infected. That might be a reason to wait even longer to get them pierced, or wait until adulthood or something. But that is a real issue.
post #54 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

I didn't pierce my kids' ears as babies. I felt like it should be something they ask for. OTOH piercing a child's ears when they're old enough to fiddle with them causes problems, or at least did in my house, and I can see the benefit of doing it when they're so young that they'll be healed up before they think of it.

Also ear piercing is a cultural tradition in some communities. I know it is sometimes compared to circumcision but it doesn't seem as severe to me so it doesn't feel the same to me.

I guess I've mellowed over this issue as the years have gone by. At one time it felt like a huge deal to me if someone had their baby's ears pierced, but now I see both sides more. That doesn't mean I'd do it at this point, just that I feel less judgmental about it.

What are your thoughts?

I pretty much agree with every you said mamazee.

We waited and my DD1 had been asking for awhile so we did it for her 7th birthday. It was a mess for months. Now over a year later they are great! But I totally had moments of wishing we'd done them ASAP.

It was my husband who wanted me to wait. I would have done them right away. And then I learned more and decided waiting was the right thing for our family. However my second DD will need to wait even longer than 7 I think (and while she wants them she saw the ordeal with her sister so wants to wait!).

As my kids have aged (and we had a second) however I have mellowed in a lot of my beliefs. But my biggest belief *to not judge others* holds true. I don't know why they did or didn't do it. And while I don't see any need for babies to have earring I also don't know the families' back story.

I have a hard time with the "what if they don't want them" type arguments because there is a very real possibility that at 5 or 10 or 13 the child will want them and we will think them capable of making that decision, however at 30 they may have a regret and wish they never got them. Even though it was "their" decision it's still a decision that a 10 year old can't always fathom "forever". Even if taken out they'll leave a mark and may not close over depending on how long one has had them.

Sometimes I think we overthink this whole parenting thing.

And at one point in my parenting journey I did think piercing = circumcision. But currently I don't. A piercing is adding holes, that don't usually affect the function of the earlobe and can usually be grown over. Circumcision is the removal of a body part that can not be reattached and can change the way the organ functions. There is a huge difference there and I don't think they are the same in any way.

We are currently in the "wait camp" but I won't judge others who choose to pierce their child's ears early in life smile.gif
post #55 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by erigeron View Post
 

Reading this has also made me wonder about the safety aspects. My daughter is 2. If she gets a part of her body or her clothes caught on something, she doesn't have the spatial awareness to stop right away before she makes it worse, or the coordination to extricate herself. Typically she has to get me to do it. This isn't usually a big deal, but if it were regarding an earring that was embedded in her flesh, it seems there would be the definite potential for injury. How does this even work with small girls who have earrings? Can they run around and play and crawl under things like usual, or do they have to be careful? I would hate to circumscribe my daughter's play because of notions of what's appropriate for her gender, and piercing her ears and then requiring her to play cautiously seems like a version of this. An older girl would be more able to recognize what kind of play is and isn't safe based on the way she's dressed, remove her earrings for soccer practice or whatever, etc.

Exactly. What if a little baby somehow figured out how to get the earring out and put it in her mouth... choking hazard. This exact same thing happened to my cousin when she was a baby. We had to fish the earring out of her mouth... very tense couple of minutes. Is it all really worth this potential danger? Apparently, some people think it is. Blankets, clothes, hair all get caught in earrings. Us adults know to be careful, but young children don't have that awareness. This is not my only issue with piercing little girls/babies ears, but something that should definitely be seriously considered when making the decision on whether or not to do it.

post #56 of 120

My mom got my old sisters ears pierced when she was an infant because that was the "norm" where we lived. However, when my sister was in 1st grade, she was removing a pullover sweater while playing outside and somehow ripped her earlobe-the earing got snagged on the sweater and just ripped it :-(  safety is certainly a concern. She had to get her ear stitched up. After that, our mom didn't allow her to wear earrings and just felt terrible.

 

I did want to note that it isn't only girls who have their ears pierced as babies/young children. It isn't entirely uncommon for boys to have it done as well. I have a nearly (next month) three year old son who is positively BEGGING for earrings, without understanding the pain that goes along with it. I don't intend to allow him to pierce his ears until he is a teenager, if he still wants to then. Young children simply cannot make those choices because they don't fully understand it. 

post #57 of 120

I pierced my daughters ears when she was 5 months old. I thought they were so sweet and cute but now that I have educated myself on circumcision, I can't help but feel guilty for disrespecting my daughters body and forcing her to have holes in her ears. She no longer wears ear rings and my future girls won't have them unless they ask. If they do ask, I think it would be a fun thing to go do with them. I think it is similar to but not as extreme as circumcision. Right after I had my daughter's ears pierced, my father-in-law said it was sooo wrong because it's not her body and what if she doesn't want them when she's older? Ironically he was in the room when my doctor asked if I was getting my son circumcised and I said no. My father-in-law went on a rant about how gross that is and blah blah blah. How backwards!!!!!!! Don't pierce my daughters ears...but go ahead and mutilate my sons penis????

post #58 of 120

Cosmetic body modifications are not something you should decide for someone else on someone else's body, period. It's morally wrong.

 

Somebody argued upthread that it is ok to punch holes in your baby, because, after all, don't we also decide whether they can smoke or not? That seems like such a silly comparison that I'm still scratching my head.

post #59 of 120

^^^These posts are making me even more convinced that earrings are more of a hazard than a perk on anyone still young enough to engage in rough play or to not have a quasi-adult consciousness of their body's location in space and the juxtaposition of other items. So now I'm thinking maybe it would be a nice thing to do as a celebration before starting junior high, or some time around that time.

post #60 of 120

Personally I don't think I would do it. There really isn't any reason to, and it seems more hassle than anything else. Not to mention I think when she is old enough to want them they will mean more. My mother wouldn't let me pierce mine until I was 12, and I wasn't allowed to debate about it. At 12 she took me to get them done for my birthday. I loved them. I was so happy! And I love earrings to this day. It would be hard for me to know the appropriate age, so I will probably stick to 12 like my mom did. 

 

Having said all of that, I don't see a huge problem with it, and certainly won't judge anyone for doing it. Yes, I do think making decisions about your child's body should be carefully considered. But parents are supposed to make decision for their children. And I little hole in the ear isn't the same thing as a functioning part of a boys penis being completely removed. 

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