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Piercing baby ears - okay or not? - Page 5

post #81 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by delightedbutterfly View Post

Hmmm what about other "cosmetic" procedures that a baby or even a young child can't agree to. I'm thinking about raised raspberry marks or moles that don't cause any physical interference but that a doctor has suggested removing, or a dental cap for a non white tooth that is otherwise fine. I'm sure there's other such items too. Things that don't interfere with normal life but require a parental decision on a body modification that will most likely leave a mark.

Raised raspberry marks (hemangiomas) and moles can be indicative of serious medical issues... like skin cancer or other types of cancer. Kids can have these types of cancer. Saving a kid's life is more important in this scenario, which is a bigger decision to make and must be made by the parents. A doctor usually won't suggest removal of skin discoloration unless there is a medical issue. So far in my life, I have never heard of a parent putting their kid through cosmetic surgery without having a medical issue that supersedes the cosmetic issue.

 

My DD has a dime-size mole on the back of her leg. My father, who is a doctor, suggested we should get it removed. Not because it is medically necessary, but because he thinks it's unsightly. He can be a jerk sometimes. She is only 5. He mentioned it shortly after she was born. I declined and said unless there is a medical reason, we're not touching it. If my DD doesn't like it when she's older, we'll revisit our options. She can decide that one on her own. No unnecessary surgery in my house.

 

As for cosmetic dentistry on children, never heard of it. Do people do that??

post #82 of 120
Not wanting to change your babies body in any way out of respect for their autonomy is laudable, though I also think it's okay if others don't feel that small changes are bad. I know some women who constantly post pics of their little ones online and to me that has potentially far more consequences since it can be impossible to get that information back and there's a lot going on with biometrics. When we talk about purity the vaccine issue also comes up, and I suppose anything that you allow into your child's mind (violent tv etc) that can have long term impacts or change them. I guess either way children will be impacted by things and people around them and will chane as a result.
post #83 of 120

Not for us. We believe firmly in the person's right to decide for themselves, with sound mind and full information, what they want done to their bodies.

 

Ear piercing, for boys and girls, is a decision we allow them to make when they're 10 and older.

 

Why 10? By 10, we feel they're old enough to A: be responsible for the cleaning by themselves, B: understand the risks (local infection, regret, possibility of earring being ripped or pulled in sports and play), and C: have enough sense of their personal style to choose something they like and will want to take care of, rather than something they'll hate the next day and take out.

 

Other cosmetic procedures will be evaluated as they come up, and dependent on the child. If it impacts their life and self-image enough, I think I would cave and do it, but in general if a child is old enough to be upset by something in their appearance, they're old enough to know whether or not they want to do something about it. I'm talking about things like ear pinning and mole removal, by the way; not major structural surgery.

post #84 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by erinmattsmom88 View Post

Raised raspberry marks (hemangiomas) and moles can be indicative of serious medical issues...

As for cosmetic dentistry on children, never heard of it. Do people do that??

I'm talking about purely cosmetic moles and other such marks, of course then can be something that medically or physically impacts them. But I have heard of doctors suggesting removal of purely cosmetics ones. And yes I have heard of purely cosmetic dentistry on kids.

While both these things would be rare, there are probably more things I haven't thought of like scar repair and more. But regardless of "what" it is (because it could be many things without medical need), there could be things in which parents choose purely cosmetic fixes for their children. Whether that be for social, emotional or other reason I don't know.

But I won't say I'll *never* do this or never do that because until I'm forced to make such a decision then I never really know what I'll do. Piercing ears as being purely cosmetic was brought up, there are other things that are done that are purely cosmetic too. While it may not be my choice I can certainly respect that it may be another person's choice.
post #85 of 120

This post is kind of all over the place.  Please, indulge me for a bit.  You'll have to read through the whole post to get the "full view" of my thoughts on the matter.

 

I will say: It's a no-brainer to me, personally.  Piercing a baby's ears can please no one but the parent and other adults.  It can cause real damage by posing a safety hazard and be a starting point for a painful infection.  No one has mentioned it, but allergies to metals are common and can cause severe pain.  If someone really feels that they need to announce to the world their daughter isn't a boy, that's what all the frilly pink clothes are for.  (But now I think about it--are the frilly&clean clothes more limiting than a simple ear piercing?  Food for thought.)  

 

Quote:

 Piercing ears as being purely cosmetic was brought up, there are other things that are done that are purely cosmetic too.

 

I'm curious what other purely cosmetic things (meaning zero medical indications) we do to our kids are 1) permanent 2) potentially hazardous to the child and 3) can lead to infection 4) that is done to infants.  You can add "intensely painful", too.

 

I can think of some things that certainly are physically worse in some ways: wearing shoes all day that are stiff and tight, being strapped into an infant carrier for long periods of time day in and day out.  You could stretch the definition and include food as well that is non-nutritional ("purely cosmetic") and the possible damage from that.  That's a stretch, but I can see the similarities.  You could add exposure to loud music and ambient smoke for some households. All these unnecessary things that parents choose for their children that can cause physical damage.

 

I am 44 and never had my ears pierced.  Almost did.  Chose not to.  It was an incredibly non-conformist decision to make, though I didn't realize it at the time.  For my own girls, I was going to let them when they asked, but this thread has convinced me that I'm going to push a bit for them to wait due to the limiting factors of earrings.  I'm back to thinking about that magical age of 13. 

 

Frankly, I barely even notice if a baby has her ears pierced.  But if I stop and think about it, I think it is ill-guided, potentially hazardous, and highly impractical.  But I think I disapprove more of the stiff-soled shoes so many babies and toddlers are shackled into.  *That* drives me batty.  Poor kids.  The stiff, play-hostile clothes that are sold to girls.  *That* frustrates me to no end.  Poor girls, struggling to take a high step on the playground, fighting those jeans all the way, attempting to run while strapped into those stiff, blinky bling-shoes.  And speaking of strapped in, those babies who are forced to view the world from their infant seat (which I see less and less where I live--yay!!!!)  All those rankle me far more than ear piercing.  Which isn't to say I approve.

post #86 of 120

My family has metal sensitivities and piercing your ears was done at older ages 9+ because if you were metal sensitive anything in your ears on fragile scar tissue hurts and they constantly got infected had mine pierced for less than 6 months before they grew closed i couldn't stand to keep anything in them... Now look at that problem on a baby where the screaming could just be explained away as collic and i think i'll wait till they are old enough to be able to tell me what's wrong and care for them themselves.

post #87 of 120

I have a similar thought to many other posters on here. 

 

I would not pierce the ears of either of my children until they were old enough to ask AND old enough to take care of them.

 

I remember getting mine pierced for the first time at the age of 7, I was not responsible enough to clean them and take care of them, and they got horribly infected (ear ring back stop was covered up by my ear lobe). My parents had made it clear it was not their job. (Figured out years later when I had them pierced again that I was allergic to any metals on my body.)

 

I see no reason to pierce them if they aren't asking for them. 

post #88 of 120
I don't pierce ears. Mine were pierced as a baby but they kept letting infected and by the time my ears were done growing, they closed up, weren't centered and I had to get them repierced anyways. The new piercing was complicated by the old scar tissue.
I think I'd wait until preteen age if my girls were interested. Maybe a teensy bit earlier if they had their hearts set on it and we're mature enough to handle it.
post #89 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSilver View Post
 

 

I'm curious what other purely cosmetic things (meaning zero medical indications) we do to our kids are 1) permanent 2) potentially hazardous to the child and 3) can lead to infection 4) that is done to infants.  You can add "intensely painful", too.

 

I can think of some things that certainly are physically worse in some ways: wearing shoes all day that are stiff and tight, being strapped into an infant carrier for long periods of time day in and day out.  You could stretch the definition and include food as well that is non-nutritional ("purely cosmetic") and the possible damage from that.  That's a stretch, but I can see the similarities.  You could add exposure to loud music and ambient smoke for some households. All these unnecessary things that parents choose for their children that can cause physical damage.

 

I am 44 and never had my ears pierced.  Almost did.  Chose not to.  It was an incredibly non-conformist decision to make, though I didn't realize it at the time.  For my own girls, I was going to let them when they asked, but this thread has convinced me that I'm going to push a bit for them to wait due to the limiting factors of earrings.  I'm back to thinking about that magical age of 13. 

 

Frankly, I barely even notice if a baby has her ears pierced.  But if I stop and think about it, I think it is ill-guided, potentially hazardous, and highly impractical.  But I think I disapprove more of the stiff-soled shoes so many babies and toddlers are shackled into.  *That* drives me batty.  Poor kids.  The stiff, play-hostile clothes that are sold to girls.  *That* frustrates me to no end.  Poor girls, struggling to take a high step on the playground, fighting those jeans all the way, attempting to run while strapped into those stiff, blinky bling-shoes.  And speaking of strapped in, those babies who are forced to view the world from their infant seat (which I see less and less where I live--yay!!!!)  All those rankle me far more than ear piercing.  Which isn't to say I approve.

Yanno, this is a really good point. The other day I observed my daughter struggling to climb into her car seat in a particular pair of jeans. The next day I had her in a pair of boys' khakis and she scrambled right up! I think I'll get rid of those jeans. I've always made sure to put her in shoes with flexible soles.

 

I do hate seeing girls in clothes that don't lend themselves to play. Or parents who don't want them to play. I took my daughter to the park when she was around 1, and she was happily digging in the dirt. There was another family of little girls there, and one of them commented to me that her mom wouldn't let her little sister play in the dirt like that. We had a little conversation about how it was okay for girls to get dirty, etc. 

post #90 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSilver View Post
 

 being strapped into an infant carrier for long periods of time day in and day out. 

 

People do this?! Am I mis-understanding?

post #91 of 120

Not the ears, not the belly button, certainly not a Prince Albert, not the nose, not the tongue or eyebrow. I would not stick holes in my kids so that (s)he could participate in consumerism and adornment with my encouragement. Nope. She is fine just the way she came out of the box. No enhancements necessary.

 

Besides, mine always drove me insane, and I just couldn't do that to a little kid with no words yet.

 

Earrings are like long fingernails. It's nearly impossible to do really fun things when they are in the way.

 

I wish I still had smooth earlobes, but they were forever scarred by those funny holes that just mark me as a victim of fashion. or something.

post #92 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by gardendweller View Post
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSilver View Post
 

 being strapped into an infant carrier for long periods of time day in and day out. 

 

People do this?! Am I mis-understanding?

I mean in their car seats.  Yes, some infants seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in their infant car seat/carrier.  How much time, I don't know.  What I do know is that babies can go into the seat, into the car, into the store, back into the car and then remain there for a nap...... all without being unstrapped for more than a diaper change.  I've even heard complaints from moms I knew that their babies spent a lot of their day care time in the car seats as well (time for a new daycare, I think!)  But I see less and less of this even since my oldest was an infant.  It seemed like I was the only one around and about that always left the car seat in the car.  So it is starting to be kind of an outdated rant, thankfully.

post #93 of 120
I think people should wait for their children to ask to have their ears pierced and they are at an age where they can have their ears pierced by a professional piercer and can care for them. I disagree with the notion that an infant should have it done so they don't remember the pain. Infants can't make sense of pain the same way children and adults can and thus, it's actually worse, IMO. Piercing by a professional with a ring is the safest method. I would never pierce my child's ears with a stud and a gun because it's not safe and those that pierce this way are not well trained. The one piercing I had with a gun resulted in a permenant scar. I have had many piercings and they are not painful, simply uncomfortable, when done properly. They require aftercare and there is always a risk of allergy, rejection, and/ or infection. The holes may never close up and scar tissue may occur, so there is an element of permency to piercings. Children should be able to understand that before they get them done. I see piercings and tattoos as rights of passage and personal decisions that should be made by the person whose body is being modified.
post #94 of 120
Well said, Sukhada! I agree completely!
post #95 of 120

I wouldn't do it, and I would never encourage anyone else to do it. But I'm not going to judge a parent solely on whether or not they choose to piece their infant's ears. I think it's silly and unnecessary, but not deeply morally repugnant.

 

As everyone else has said, I try not to make permanent alterations to my child's body without his consent, unless I have a good (usually medical) reason to do so. I admit I've never understood the idea that you need a child's consent to cut their hair, though. Not like that doesn't grow back. And I've never seen anyone arguing that you should never, ever cut a child's fingernails until they're old enough to consent.

 

Just to address some random points I've seen as I've read through:

 

-I don't think anyone is implying you shouldn't pierce your daughter's ears because people will think she's a harlot. I think the "wrong message" people worry about sending is that their daughter isn't pretty enough/woman enough/whatever if she doesn't wear earrings

-You don't have to wait until a child is 12+ to get their ears pierced without a piercing gun. Many doctors will do it in-office with a needle.

-Of course parents make many decisions that influence their child's future. How many of those decisions parents choose to make vs allowing the child to make is part of what defines one's personal parenting philosophy. It's ludicrous to say that either you make all decisions or no decisions, or that the choices you make for your child when they are an infant must continue to be the same until they are legally adults

-I do not get the cultural argument at all, unless there is a culture in which ear piercing has some sort of religious significance. I do not think it's necessary to impose cultural standards of beauty on an infant. (I also do not think it's necessary to deliberately make your child "ugly" to prove a point, either, but would really like to hope there's no culture on earth where a child's earrings are the only thing that can make them look pretty in the eyes of others.)

-I'm not even going to waste my time on a detailed argument, but no, it is not a given that all girls will want/have their ears pierced at some point in their lives.

 

There also seems to be a lot of disagreement about whether or not ear piercing actually hurts. All I can say from personal experience is that is certainly possible that it will hurt! I cannot speak to painless piercings, as I haven't experienced that. I can also speak to having my ears pierced against my will. I wanted my ears pierced for the longest time, but my parents said I had to wait until I was 12. When I was 11, my mom decided to have it done for my birthday. Well, I didn't want my ears pierced any more! I was afraid of needles and pain. My mom made me do it anyway. It hurt a lot, and I still remember my earlobes burning hours later. In retrospect, I wonder if this is because I had a reaction to the metal. I'm sure having it done with a gun at the mall didn't help anything. I definitely had scar tissue from my piercing experience, and it took YEARS to go away. I developed sensitivities to the metal in earrings, too, to the point that I haven't worn any regularly for years, and I'm not sure the last time I put any in at all. I have yet to find earrings that I do not react to. I would like to wear earrings sometimes, but it isn't worth the burning and the itching and the trying to poke them through the half-healed holes.

post #96 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilaria View Post
 

Some women don't want their ears pierced, actually!

 

I never did.

post #97 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by erinmattsmom88 View Post
 

 

As for cosmetic dentistry on children, never heard of it. Do people do that??

 

What do you think braces are? Sometimes correction is needed for comfort/performance, but it's mostly to correct gaps in teeth and crooked teeth that are just unsightly. 

post #98 of 120

let me guess, i'm sure there are those against ear piercing are against circumcision as well. 
 

post #99 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynthiamoon View Post
 

 

What do you think braces are? Sometimes correction is needed for comfort/performance, but it's mostly to correct gaps in teeth and crooked teeth that are just unsightly. 


I know what braces are. Are they called cosmetic dentistry now? I thought cosmetic dentistry was teeth whitening, veneers... stuff like that. Braces have more of a purpose than straightening teeth because they may look unsightly. Didn't realize they are categorized as "cosmetic". Excuse me for my ignorance af.gif

post #100 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by loonbean View Post
 

let me guess, i'm sure there are those against ear piercing are against circumcision as well. 
 

Speaking for myself only, yes my son is intact. What is your point? Or, are you just making an observation?

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