My son turned 3 in May, so he's now almost 3Y 5 months. Just before his third birthday I decided he was ready for potty training (based on all the typical signs) and used the Oh Crap! Potty Training method. For those not familiar it's more or less you just take away the dipes and dedicate many days to graduating from naked to pantsless to pants and then at the very end underwear (she claims undies are too much like dipes and hinder progress). It's all supposed to take anywhere from 2-6 weeks. No rewards.
He did great the first day but between day 2-4 I got really stressed about it. We went back to diapers after 4 days. I totally blame myself for getting obsessive about it and completely stressing and putting pressure on him. No wonder it didn't work. Also the Oh Crap! method was a very wrong match for me. That woman goes on and on about no stress, but her tone is very stressful and she implies that you should basically be obsessing over it...meanwhile don't stress. Yeah right. Didn't work for me.
Since then I have found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand I worry that he'll never just potty train himself (does any child?!) and he'll be starting school in diapers. I wonder if I'm failing him by not guiding him in this next natural step in his independence. I am also very sick of poopy diapers. On the other hand I am terrified to try this again because it was such a colossal failure last time around. I know if I'm not clear and at least mostly relaxed about it, we will fail again so I have just done nothing. Not only that but I am confused about all the methods. At first I wanted not to use rewards, there are enough arguments against it...but after our failure I am open to trying rewards, although still not entirely convinced.
I know my son is perfectly capable of doing it. But he has clearly stated he does not want to and he'll do it "later" and "when I'm bigger". I think that he enjoys the care and "service" involved in getting diapers changed, and he doesn't want to give that up. When his Papa changes his diapers he always makes a fun game out of it. We have discussed that he needs to stop this because when I hear all the laughter coming from the room when Papa's changing his dipe, no wonder he loves it still.
I don't know what exactly I'm asking by starting this thread. I just felt the need to get this off my chest and ask for any support whatsoever you can give me. Should I just wait and do nothing? At what age do you say ok enough? I really don't want a five year old in diapers. I have already reckoned with I may have a four year old in dipes but that is my limit. And how do we do it? What worked for you, especially with an older child? How can I relax about it but still be firm in guiding him to use the toilet? I repeat he clearly has zero interest; we ask him and talk about it nearly every day. He is developmentally ahead in just about every area except this one. Seeing his friends at preschool go on the toilet hasn't helped at all.
Just looking for any support. Thanks if you bothered to read this.