Has anyone here ever suffered from PP OCD?
I will just open up with this...
I have very close family members who are extremely mentally ill. The idea of mental illness terrifies me. So when I was about 6-7 months pregnant with DS (who is now 9 mos) and had invasive thoughts, I squashed them (my ability to talk myself through them makes me think that I have/had a very mild case of PPOCD). I agonized a bit over whether I was a bad person or not. It was a dark, horrible time. I remember having such awful, terrible, horrific invasive thoughts that were nothing like the person I thought I was. I was single, living alone with a two year old, unemployed and financially unstable, and a full time student. The stress was horrible. My ex (who I am now working things out with) was just... gone. He is a recovering addict but was in full blown addiction at that time. Anyway, I just kept truckin', hoping either things would get better or I'd learn to cope.
I stumbled on a thread about PP OCD one night and it was like a prayer answered. I broke down in tears and suddenly it made sense - it wasn't me! I'm not an evil person. I'm not a bad person. These thoughts weren't my own. I also wasn't schizophrenic, like I worried. With that knowledge alone, I've been overcoming things slowly. I haven't gotten the guts to call about low income counseling. I know I need to because once in a while, I will have an invasive thought that just makes me cringe and reminds me of such a painful time (usually when I'm extremely stressed out).
I just wanted to know if any other mama's here had any experiences with this, or if they are seeing something else in this post I should look into. I am much, much better than I was six months ago and feel like I can be okay without outside help, but at the same time... I think I want a therapist. I'm just not very sure on how to approach that. I feel like a wimp, weakling, sissy everytime I try to reach out for professional help.
I've admitted this to two close friends and my mom, but I've never divulged details. I've never heard a voice telling me what to do, or anything like that.
Agh, I feel so dumb posting this but... maybe I'll get some support..