June 19th I got my second Depo Provera injection. I had very few side effects with the first injection (besides a lot of spotting) so I didn't really think much of it. It is no longer "effective" as contraception now but I know the half-life is relatively long and it won't have passed through 4 half-lives until the beginning of next year. Since that injection (the last I will ever get in my life), I've gained 15 lbs. I've been a pretty steady weight since 9th grade, between 120 and 125 at 5'3". Even when I had my son and put on 40 lbs its like the weight was pouring out in my breastmilk. I ended up lighter than I started and slowly crept back up as he ate more solids.
I'm 137 now and never before have I been disgusted at the way I look. This is not my body, this is not even my "mom body" that I learned to love. This is someone else's body with fat rolls and folds that never used to exist. We'd like to have another baby, desperately, but if someone told me the fat would melt right off as soon as 4 half-lives of Depo Provera pass I think I'd keep DH at the other end of a yardstick for the next 3 months so I could at least have a better starting weight. I know now why my SIL only ever had one pregnancy photo of herself when she was pregnant with her twins (which she later set to private) and none at all with her youngest child. Forget covering the mirrors, I'd bathe fully clothed if it was an option.
I don't know what to do. I tried doing the obsessive measuring and counting thing and lost two pounds but after a few days my hunger came back with a vengeance and I gained 4. I'd like to go to the gym and run but I don't know what to do with DS. The nearest YMCA is 30 minutes away. I really don't feel safe running outside, haven't since I was a kid, and winter is coming (I haaaaaate the cold). How far would you travel for a gym? Do you think putting off (or being unsuccessful) TTC for another month or two will do much of a difference if I end up not going? How do you "do" gym workouts if you don't care about building strength but really need to burn fat?