Now I lost it all. Two days ago, completely out of the blue, I started hemorrhaging heavily. It was so sudden and profuse I got really scared. It took us 5 minutes to get in the car and drive to our nearest hospital, wich is a very good one. I continued to bleed while the doctors checked my baby with an ultrasound, and I also learned I was 2cm dilated.
I eventually stopped bleeding bright red cloths when they hooked me up with an IV and put medication in it. I am hospitalized now, they switched to oral meds, and I am a lot better. Maybe I will get discharged tomorrow.
I am grieving my HB. I had a supportive family who now is pushing for a hospitalized birth. And I have to concur. I don't know what will happen next, it wasn't just some spotting, it was a scary hemorrhage, I thought I was having a placental abruption, the US showed that my placenta was fine (and so is the baby), but there's no other explanation to the sudden bleeding. I had no pain at all, no contractions either.
I guess now the best for me and my baby is to have a hospital birth, and I am so angry and sad. I know it's the best, I mean, what if I have a placental abruption in the middle of labor?
I guess I need some support. I'm still in the hospital, the doctors won't release me until they see I don't hemorrhage again if I'm treated with just pills. I was not bleeding red anymore until a moment ago, when I passed a very small red cloth. Jeez, I'm so upset. If I pass more red blood I will have to tell them, and they will keep me here for weeks. I know it's for my best interest, and my baby's, but even with how comfortable they keep me here, and how everyone is so nice, I still want to go home! I swear I had a perfect pregnancy, I don't know where this is coming from.
Now my husband wants me to give birth here, considering it is so close to home, and the hospital is very nice and competent. I would have to get a new OB, and surrender to most hospital birth procedures. This is so not what I wanted for my birth. I'm a first time mom and I was so excited with the idea of being in control of my birth. I had an amazing MW team and a great plan.
I'm usually a very logical person, I guess I'm upset even knowing all along that complications do occur, and being ready to transfer if we had one during labor. But now I won't even be able to try a HB.
Anyway, thanks for reading my vent.