I am currently 15 weeks and have been Type 1 diabetic for over 15 years. I have always been in great control of my blood sugars, until recently when stresses at work and family took its toll and I let things slip slightly. And then, to add to the stress, and a bit of a surprise, I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks, and it took me about 6 weeks to get my HBA1c down to where it should be, taking tests every hour, 24hrs/day. I've always been terrified of birth, and now that I've got a little being inside me that I might have damaged for good, I've never been more scared in my life. Not only do I have to learn about birth, but also about diabetics in birth, the complications and risks, waking up every hour to take tests, and the fear that I've done damage on an innocent being that didn't ask for it.
I feel I should be adamant on a natural birth plan, but I'm finding it hard to get my doctors trust, as I started off badly. And frankly, I don't trust myself.
I guess I'm just looking for someone who has also experienced a similar situation, or perhaps some words of advice. Before I was pregnant, I had read many books on natural childbirth, attended home births of my sisters, and knew that I wanted and was ready to fight for a birth as natural as I could make it. But now I am a bit overwhelmed with the pregnancy books, as I almost feel they don't apply to me anymore as a diabetic. And I feel the same about the advice I'm getting from my mom and sisters. Any advice out there? Any books/forums to read? Or a recommendation for a state of mind whilst reading them? Or where to start, again?