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So now what?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
I'm curious who is done now and who is planning on more babies?

If you're planning on more, when?

What kind of birth control will you be using in the meantime?
post #2 of 26
DH wants more, but I am not sure. This last one was so traumatic I dont think I ought to bother tempting fate with another. If we do decide for more, my OB surgeon told me to wait at least two years for my c-section to completely heal if I wish to have a successful VBAC, so I am going with that. I dont know that will be long enough though. Maybe 3 years? We are doing condoms for now and then FAM after my period returns and I get more predictable sleep.
post #3 of 26
I went through a phase where I felt like this was all hard enough to never do again (especially the trouble with bf supply) and now I am in a phase where I am back to wanting a big family (3-4kids), but dunno what to do about my education and career.

We are currently using a method I'll call " baby led abstinence," much to our disappointment, but then plan to resume FAM and condoms.
post #4 of 26
I am so done and happy with this last baby. Plus I'm 38. Perhaps if we had started earlier (like I really really wanted to) I would consider more, but I feel very strongly I can't do another pregnancy, it was too hard. My whole family really tanks when I'm so out of the picture.

I've looked into permanent birth control for one or the other of us, and it looks like a vasectomy will be what we do.
In the meantime we have child and grad school led abstinence. I cannot use a condom, they tear my nethers up and I'd just rather not have sex than deal with days of pain after. And with the schedule my DH has I'd have to set an alarm to even say hi to him when he gets home and that's not happening either.

Too tired to think about it lately anyway. I have no libido. Zero. Zip. Nada. Kinda jealous of gals that do. I know my DH would be glad if I did.
post #5 of 26

Well, I would like to have one more child, after Griffin. I am 34, so I feel like Id have to wait max two years but I also want to wait that long because the same as Talldarkeyes, I had a c-section and would like to attempt a vbac after this one, so need to give the incision that time to heal. In saying that, Griffins birth was really traumatic and our hardships with breastfeeding milk supply, because of the trauma, really scares me when thinking about having another baby. Im an only child though and always wanted a sibling, so I think my want for two children will surpass my fear of the super trauma and dark times that followed Griffins birth. As for birth control, we've had sex once in 4 months, so I feel like what is the point in using any = none. It makes me incredibly sad and is a real issue in my relationship right now. The three huge reasons we aren't having sex is because I sustained a lot of mental trauma from the birth and can't seem to get into it and also, the only time we tried after, it hurt so much that I couldn't focus, secondly, Griffin is in our room and both of us have a hard time getting into it with that. My boyfriend isnt the most romantic guy in the world, so doing it outside the bedroom is just not a thing. ugh. The third reason is that my body is really overweight full of stretch marks and sagging everywhere and im having a really hard time looking in the mirror, which I think is making it so im not sexual at all. Its all one big mental mess, ugh. Maybe with time it will get better, I hope. ANYWAYS. As far as birth control, I have an appointment to get an IUD.  I dont know if im down with having something inside me at all times, so may fall back onto a progesterone pill instead. It might actually help our sex life knowing securely that we won't get pregnant, since my SO is scared to see me go through the trauma again and I am also scared. blah.

post #6 of 26
Actiasluna, dtd hurts for me too. We have tried twice but only finished once. The first time was at 7 wks PP and it hurt so much I couldnt go through with it and the second time it didnt hurt quite so much but it was still really painful so I just told dh to hurry up. Csections seriously screw you up.

I am 29 but I want to be done having kids by 33 or 34 at the latest. My mom had a late 30's baby and it really messed her up.
post #7 of 26

our plan is to start trying again when Elliott is one, then when our youngest is 4 or 5 we're going to adopt a toddler. Until then, condoms all the way

post #8 of 26
I hope to have another and I would like that sooner than later. I'm also 38 and Noor was our first, so I don't think I have much time to wait. I would actually not mind trying when she's 6-9 months old. However, not sure DH feels the same way! I think he's on board with another, mostly because he has a younger brother and knows how nice it is to have a sibling. But from a practical standpoint it's been hard for him to adjust to having a child so I don't know when he'll actually be ready for more.
As for birth control, we're using condoms (or did the one time we had sex). Frankly we both are satisfied orally so that's the go to 75% of the time which makes for its own birth control. We will also use FAM when my cycle comes back. I'm not charting yet but have been observing my CF and because I'm not really breastfeeding I'm expecting to get my period sooner than later.
When I was younger I wanted to have 4 kids but because I started so late I think now I'll probably be fine with two.
post #9 of 26

this is a great thread!  it's nice to know that most people seem to be somewhat ambivalent no matter how old they are or how many children they already have.  except for wrenmoon, that is, whose circumstances are challenging in a different way.  rainbownurse, it's cool that you plan to adopt a child as well!  do you think would adopt a girl or a boy? 

 

as for us, I don't know... I was so upset when I found out I was pregnant, as I didn't really want to be a mother at all.  (I obviously wasn't 100% sure about that, as I hadn't chosen to get a sterilization surgery or anything, but I was at least 80%. :P )  but the pregnancy, birth (despite the fact I had an unexpected C-section), and newborn period has gone so well that I'm rethinking the whole thing.  I have two brothers, so I know how awesome siblings are, but like any sane person, I worry about my ability to care for two of these human larvae at once.  like talldarkeyes, I worry about "tempting fate" but for a completely different reason - the unplanned baby is great, so if I dare to try it again, surely I'll be cursed with bedrest, birth trauma, and colic, right?  and if I do decide to have another, how long should I wait?  I didn't realize that 2+ years of healing is advisable before a VBAC, though, so I'm glad a couple of people mentioned that.

 

and sex has been weird, too.  I haven't had much desire, though I do crave affection from my husband.  the few times we've done it we've used a condom, and I think that'll be our go-to from now on.  I've been lucky that it's been comfortable for both of us.  even though I would have preferred to have a vaginal birth, I'm glad I didn't have to heal after any tearing or episiotomies or the like!

post #10 of 26

Well, we just had another one yesterday, LOL. We do foster care and accepted placement of an 8 year old, so we're in major adjustment mode, currently. The first week or so is always rocky, and the thought of any more kids right now in this tiny house (my DH also has a 10 year old from a previous marriage) makes me want to run away. 

 

That said, we are planning on another one. We will start trying this time next year, so there will be at least two years between. I would also like a VBAC, and didn't know you should wait that long after a c-section; good to know. We've talked of a third one before being done, but we'll see. Depends on how quickly I get pregnant again, and if there are any more miscarriages in between. I am about to turn 32 so time is a factor in that. 

post #11 of 26

hugs to all those mama's having painful sex! i had a few stitches with my first birth and it was really painful after--i was scared it would be like that forever...thankfully it wasn't. and i was about 18 months out and never got my full libido back before i got pregnant. but when you're night nursing multiple times a night it's really hard--at least i'm hoping this brings it back fully--one day being fully weaned. right now i'm tandem nursing--so it won't be any time soon! :)

 

for whatever reason though after both pregnancies i had one surge of libido--that lasted one coupling at 4 weeks pp. random, but fun for both of us! or at least this time as it wasn't painful.

 

we've had 4 pregnancies and 2 babies...and we're tired. mid-pregnancy we both would have said we'll have 1 more. now, my husband says probably not. but...i felt last time and this time--don't ask me until we're at least 1 yr postpartum. i think if we did go again, it would be a few years out. but one of the reasons i think this has been a lot easier on me is because i was still waking up multiple times a night--still dealing with daily crying, etc. just in the mode of taking care of little people. :) anyways, i'm 37 and wouldn't want to wait too long...long story short--who knows :) but the idea of not having another is a bit sad! 

post #12 of 26

ashleybrook, I had that random urge too!  but mine came at about a week after, and so we couldn't take full advantage.  weird.

post #13 of 26
Thread Starter 
We are planning on one more (I'm thinking maybe two but don't tell Ryan that yet!). I don't want to get pregnant for at least two years though. I've been pregnant 5 times in seven years and my body is TIRED. Plus I have some health issues to work out first.

We're using condoms (yuck!) and will use NFP when my cycles come back.
post #14 of 26
I want 2 more and hubby thinks he wants one more, but at 36 and 43, time really isn't on our side of we ever want to retire... We'll see what happens. For now, we're using the mini-pill, I don't trust my cycles enough at my age--know too many people with some oopsies. Hate condoms. And right now the baby seems to know when we want to have sex and wakes up sobbing. DH said after this last round that next time = no foreplay. Since I'm still pretty sore with sex, that'll probably mean he gets an alternative (which is probably way tmi!).
post #15 of 26

Condoms totally suck, boo. Ruheling, what is the mini-pill? Kalista, what is NFP? (sorry, im super bad with the acronyms. It took me forever to figure out what dh, ds and dd meant and even longer to figure out what dtd meant and then I really felt naive..haha..pfff)

post #16 of 26
The mini pill is a progesterone only birth control pill. NFP is natural family planning, which involves observing at least 2/3 fertility signs during your cycle to predict fertility. Those signs are basal body temperature, cervical fluid, and cervical position/feel. Also , you can observe cervical fluid under a microscope to look for ferning but that is probably more involved than most people get
post #17 of 26

We're just going for it, no birth control. Since this is the anniversary week of C's conception, we've reached the point where they'd be roughly a year apart. I think I could handle that. Based on family history, though, they'll probably be closer to two years. I'd be happy with any spacing in between, though if we're not pregnant yet when C is 9 months or so, I might try something more proactive to conceive. 

 

Time is really of the essence here because my husband is not only quite a bit older than me, he's probably what most would consider flat-out old. I would love 3 kids, but would also settle for 2. I just really want a buddy for Clover! 

post #18 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeohee View Post

We're just going for it, no birth control. Since this is the anniversary week of C's conception, we've reached the point where they'd be roughly a year apart. I think I could handle that. Based on family history, though, they'll probably be closer to two years. I'd be happy with any spacing in between, though if we're not pregnant yet when C is 9 months or so, I might try something more proactive to conceive. 

Time is really of the essence here because my husband is not only quite a bit older than me, he's probably what most would consider flat-out old. I would love 3 kids, but would also settle for 2. I just really want a buddy for Clover! 
My dad was 66 when I was born smile.gif
Edited by cynthiamoon - 10/18/13 at 1:31pm
post #19 of 26
Wow zeeohee I'm in awe. A few weeks ago when a girlfriend of mine was in labor it made me nostalgic and ready for another one, but as the conception anniversary approaches I've been thinking and realize I'm not ready to be pregnant again. I think something about it being the same timeline makes it more real? Good luck to you and keep us posted!
post #20 of 26
(Deleted for privacy)

Edited by zeeohee - 10/18/13 at 6:14pm
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