We have been walking the same road! Hugs Mamma!!! The night time stuff is so hard and it really does set a standard for how the rest of the day goes. How is your son in terms of setting limits? My DS (a year older, so a bit different) does much better once there is a clear and consistent boundary. He has a bit of trouble trying to learn and accept the new rules, but once they have been accepted, he does better. Even if the new rules are more "strict" than the old "whenever" attitude, he does better knowing what to expect. I ended up just setting some hard boundaries, and now we both enjoy the nursing relationship a lot more, and I have a lot less resentment over it. Which makes him feel more secure and more likely to handle the boundaries. It's kind of a self perpetuating cycle either way.
So I was having a lot of trouble and feeling resentment towards DS (3) - his sleeping was bad, he was asking to nurse ALL.THE.TIME. and it was driving me nuts. DH had escaped to the couch months ago, so I do all of the night time stuff by myself. I knew that I needed to make a change before things got bad....because the more stressed about nursing DS I was, the more he sensed it and wanted to nurse. So, one night I just up and said "no num until the sun comes up". He doesn't like it, but he's exhausted at night so after a little whining and thrashing he goes back to sleep. If he seems thirsty I give him water. He still wakes up occasionally and will ask to nurse, but I just tell him not until the sun comes up, and give him hugs. It hasn't been all that bad, actually. At about the same time, I started limiting his daytime nursing to after breakfast and after lunch. So he gets to nurse 4x per day, unless he's distracted by other things. It's made a HUGE improvement in my own psyche. And that translates to him. Again, there are times where he asks to nurse and I have to say no, and he gets sad, but I just remind him of the next time he can nurse and offer hugs instead. So that's been going on for a week now, and I feel much better. Unfortunately though, it doesn't make me like nursing him any more. I get the same joy from cuddling him...actually maybe even more since I don't feel as stressed by the nursing. I would be happy if we could cut it down to 2x per day. But I'll have to let this settle for a bit first. He had been nursing an awful lot so this is a huge change. But it's a good one. And overall he's tolerated it really well.
I think my overall aversion to it is just due to stress and pressure of being the only one who can do certain things. So long as I am eating well enough, there is no real aversion to it. But is is really hard on my body. I want to like it a lot more than I actually do. But I also need to address the non nursing aspect of the stress and pressure and I think that will help the nursing part. I learned at the beginning that I was projecting a lot of the issues I had adjusting to being a Mom of two onto the nursing relationship with DS and that wasn't really fair. So I would suggest to others that finding ways to decompress and get the much needed time to take care of yourself might in and of itself take care of at least some of the nursing struggles.