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Stupid things doctors say...

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thought I would start a thread where we can post things our health care providers say that drive us nuts!

For example, today was my first (and last) appt at a new obgyn. On the way in the room he must have passed my husband with my 10 month old in the hallway because the first thing he said to me was..."well, I guess it's safe to say this pregnancy wasn't planned,huh? Hahahaha!!"

Oh, then later..."I want you to come back in a week for another ultrasound to make sure this pregnancy is going to develop. You know, since you're breastfeeding there's a chance it might end in miscarriage".

And..."you should start thinking about weaning so you can give your breasts a chance to rest before you deliver".

Also..."do you want to hold off on the bloodwork until next week at your next ultrasound? No point in bothering with all that until you know you aren't going to miscarry".

What?!

Worst. Doctor. Ever
post #2 of 20

I guess I don't really have anything to contribute as I love my ob/gyn. But that guy sounds awful!! I would file a complaint with the clinic/hospital/whatever. What a horrible bedside manner!! No wonder ob/gyns get such a bad rap, with ding-dongs like him!! Hope you find one that you like and that isn't so terrible! 

post #3 of 20

horrible! that dr needs a filter so he doesn't say whatever he's thinking. all of those statements are stupid. sounds like he is placing undue stress on pregnant women about breastfeeding or whatever else. who needs more seeds of doubt placed in their heads? stress is not good for a developing baby!

 

thanks for sharing, hopefully we can find support in those in our DDC and not from dr's like that. 

post #4 of 20
I love my backup OB - she is amazing! But the OB who did my D&C in July is not so wonderful. Since that is who I have been seeing for follow-up appts the last few months, that is who they booked me with for my first appt tomorrow. The last time I saw him he told me hospital birth is just like home birth. "You can say no to all the same things, but your baby will be safe." Mm-hmm. Because it's all about saying no to things and not comfort measures, privacy, or being treated with dignity. eyesroll.gif Pretty sure I'll have more gems to share with you after I see him tomorrow!

Hoping I can switch back to my nice OB who approves of home births for the other 2-3 appts I'll have with their office before I transfer to my home birth midwife in the second trimester.
post #5 of 20
Thread Starter 

Thanks everyone!...unfortunately I live in a town with only two obgyn practices so it won't be easy to find a replacement. I think I'll have to do what I did with my last pregnancy and travel to someone I like.

 

I love the 'hospital birth is just like home birth' comment! That actually made me laugh!! :)

post #6 of 20

Wow Phoebemom, I'm so sorry you were treated that way. I hope you are able to find a respectful care provider that you'll be more comfortable with.

post #7 of 20
About 3/4 of the way through my appt this morning, the doctor said, "Those are things we can discuss when you are actually pregnant." duh.gif So I guess when he asked me why I was there, it was too much to assume that he had taken a glance at my file at all. eyesroll.gif
post #8 of 20

wow sihaya, that is SHOCKING! i hope he apologized!

post #9 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesepumpkin View Post

wow sihaya, that is SHOCKING! i hope he apologized!
He didn't, actually. Just asked, "Oh, really?" then, "Last menstrual period?" (which I had already told the nurse who scheduled the appt over the phone and the intake nurse in person). I'm planning to request not to see him again while I'm pregnant.
post #10 of 20

Wow, some of these are just awful.  footinmouth.gif What an ass (directed at PhoebeMom & Sihaya's OBs).

 

I once had an OB/GYN who hated that I was breastfeeding my then 14-month-old so much that she used my maternal grandmother's breast cancer as an excuse to order ultrasounds of my BREASTS.  I was 25 with no breast abnormality, in my first trimester of a pregnancy.  She was looking for a way to freak me out enough to put a stop to that pesky breastfeeding.  The folks at the hospital rolled their eyes and refused to go through with the appointment when I showed up.  I switched providers after that experience.

post #11 of 20

Another gem from a hospital-based CNM, at my 40-week appt:  "It's not considered normal to go past your due date until three of your pregnancies have gone past 40 weeks."  :blah Right in front of my MIL, who was "nervous" about the baby. banghead.gif  It was my second pregnancy. 

post #12 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by BennyPai View Post
 

Another gem from a hospital-based CNM, at my 40-week appt:  "It's not considered normal to go past your due date until three of your pregnancies have gone past 40 weeks."  :blah Right in front of my MIL, who was "nervous" about the baby. banghead.gif  It was my second pregnancy. 

crazy! perhaps she meant term (42 weeks), or at least i hope! 

post #13 of 20

She was suggesting I make an appointment for a non-stress test on the day I would be 41 weeks along, and I was telling her that my first baby was born 8 days after her due date, so I felt like it was a little early to be concerned.  That's when she told me I couldn't call it normal.  I didn't end up going through with that hospital birth.  It was dual care, and I had a CPM, thank goodness!  My second daughter was actually born healthy, not a post dates baby at all (plenty of vernix and amniotic fluid, beautiful skin), 17 days after her EDD.

post #14 of 20

Not sure if this counts, but yesterday I took my 10 year old to our family doctor for a visit and on the way out I passed the doctor's wife who is a nurse there. She looked at my almost-three-year-old in my arms and said "Is that the baby?!" And I replied, "Yep! He's almost three, can you believe it?" And she said "Time for another one!" And I just laughed (nobody knows I'm pregnant yet.) Then she said "No more! You don't need any more - you have enough!" I just walked out of there thinking "What an ass." Once I was home, I realized it was really bothering me and I wished I'd had enough wit to say something like "As it turns out, I AM pregnant - now how do you feel?" but I didn't want to say anything in front of my daughter... I guess eventually (if the baby sticks around), I'll run into her and it'll be pretty obvious. I'll figure out a way to mention that I was indeed pregnant when she made that tasteless comment.

 

That same nurse, when I was in my first trimester with my fourth child, was pretty tactless then too. I'd asked if she knew any remedies for severe morning sickness and she asked if the pregnancy had been planned. I said it wasn't and that I was still settling into the idea of having another baby. Somehow she took this to mean that I didn't want my baby and numerous times when I ran into her after he'd been born, she said "I bet you're happy you have him now." :(

 

My Mom tends to say things that just come off the wrong way and I know that she truly doesn't mean to say anything hurtful so I try to remember that when I think about this woman in particular - maybe she's "blessed" with the same unfortunate ability to put her foot in her mouth unintentionally.

 

This most recent comment was particularly hurtful because I just found out I was pregnant last Thursday (6 days ago) and I'm so unsure of my feelings about it that I haven't told anyone, not even my DH. I feel too old (I'll be 37 in January) and tired. I stopped coloring my hair over a year ago and I have a silver streak right up in front with silver woven throughout. Neighborhood kids have made comments like "Oh, I thought you were his grandma" or "Why is your hair so gray?" I realize this is all concern over how others see/interpret me (ego) and that it's not how I necessarily see myself - but it's so hard to really figure HOW I see myself or HOW I feel.

My adrenals and thyroid are tanked (hence the herbs I was taking) and I'd just last week declared that 2014 was going to be the year of healing for myself. My almost-three-year-old won't be nursing for that much longer and then I can detox my thyroid (which apparently has mercury trapped in it) and get my health back on track. But this will set me back another 4+ years in terms of detoxing, getting some much needed solid sleep (my little guy still nurses 4682652456846 times at night) and being able to take adaptogenic herbs.

Then there's the feeling that I do in fact have four children already, there's never enough money, we've outgrown our home and I guess I just plain feel judged (there's that ego again).

And it REALLY doesn't help that I just finished reading Dan Brown's latest book about overpopulation...what an eye opener.)

It seems there's a little depression going on but unplanned pregnancies aren't something new to me so I know that when all is said and done, I won't be able to imagine my life without this baby.

 

Sorry to be a Debbie-downer when so many of you are ecstatic to be pregnant. I'll get there...

post #15 of 20

@Metasequoia   Just want to send you hugs. :Hug

post #16 of 20

I wrote a blog post recently about stupid things OB's and Midwives have said to friends of mine: http://naturomommy.com/2013/10/18/warning-obgyns-ahem-med-wives-with-attitudes/

If you're mobile and can't click on it, here it is:

 

Wouldn’t it be great if people in the maternity field had this sign slapped onto their backs? So many women end up with these “special” OB’s or as I like to call some midwives “MED-wives”(midwives that are just as entitled and medicalized as OB’s). I’ve seen quite a few doozies over the last couple days, of women being ridiculed, put down and some of these providers were just plain stupid! I had fun putting these together and interacting with the people that shared their stories with me. Some of them may be a trigger, so if you see something you don’t like, please scroll past.

Darcy Anne heard this being said to her sister in law:

“I sat there and listened while my Sister In Law’s Ob told her that if she had a homebirth, she and her baby would die. Sister In Law said “So will you let me try a VBAC in the hospital?” OB said no. Sister In Law said “Fine then, I’m having a homebirth. Goodbye.” She had a beautiful VBA2C at home, 12 hours of labor.”

After being told someone else’s pregnancy results, saying she was pregnant, Korie says:

“An OB I saw told me I was selfish and my baby was doomed because I wouldn’t consent to a pap smear.”

At a practice where she was very briefly seen,  Kristyn said that she was told this by an OB/GYN:

“”I LOVE C-sections, I LIVE for C-sections……*pause*……but vaginal birth is nice too.” This was one of the OB’s with the midwife practice at the hospital that I saw briefly.”

Amanda had this said to her when she went to the clinic sick one day:

“This doctor asked me “uhh are you pregnant??” And then said “Do you even know how babies are made??” I wasn’t even pregnant!”

Kelli T was grieving when she heard this:

“I was in the midst of a miscarriage and there was a doctor that was sharing space with my ob/gyn who is a fertility specialist. I was laying on the table crying and she asked me what was wrong. I said that I didn’t want to lose my baby. She proceeded to say that it was God’s way of telling me my baby was going to be retarded. She achieved her goal of stopping the tears but i’m sure she wasn’t ready for the firestorm that followed that stupid statement. Needless to say, she was gone shortly after. I’m still amazed to this day that she thought that that statement was calming.”

Kelli Delgado heard this gem while in labor:

“When I was in labor with my first child, I expressed my concern to the OB that being in the lithotomy position compressed the pelvic inlet, resulting in less room for the baby to pass through (which, by the way, is standard anatomical knowledge). He looked at me and said, “This is why I wish pregnant women wouldn’t try and study up. No, being in the lithotomy position actually widens the pelvic inlet. You just need to stop breathing and push harder.”"

Said to a fit and healthy  Kelsey H.  by a MED-wife:

“I need you to log your diet for two weeks so I can make sure that you’re giving adequate nutrition to your baby. Also, you’re due for the flu shot soon so you can keep that baby protected!”

And another from said “med-wife”:

“You really should consider circumcising this baby. After all, your first son is already circumcised and there are many benefits to the procedure.” When my friend questioned the “benefits” she started searching her office for papers (which didn’t turn up) and said, “Oh, there are benefits, trust me. I have some literature on it, I just need to find it. I’ll give it to you at your next appointment.”

Heather was looking to get a c-section when she heard this from her OB:

“Do you want the calender to pick out your csection date?”

Said to Aleta :

“Your baby is going to be too big, so we are going to have to give you a csection.” (Mother refused, baby came when doctor was out of town and no c-section required. Son came earth side 7lbs. 9 oz. At 39 weeks and 4 days)

When Aleta walked into the hospital in active labor and 4 cm dilated, her nurse tried to hang pitocin on the IV rack: “What is that?”
“Oh nothing, just pitocin. It’s standard for first time moms.”

While Terri was receiving an ultrasound, the OB informed her he/she would be using an internal ultrasound for the procedure. When she was apprehensive, her doctor said:

“If you can take a penis, you can take this!”

Said to  Heather A. prior to her required c-section:

“Can you hypnobirth your way through a c-section?”

“Someone like HER is basically guaranteed to have a cesarean section!” – OB to Heather K. when asked what the chances were that a first time mom with no pregnancy issues would need a true emergency cesarean.

This is the state of our maternity care in the U.S. and I know COUNTLESS women who have turned a blind eye because they just don’t believe it could be true that doctors could do that to someone they are supposed to care for. All I can do is present this information in a public place and hope someone who doesn’t know will have an open mind and change their thinking.

post #17 of 20
Thread Starter 
'If you can take a penis you can take this'

?!?!?!

Oh myyyyyyyyy. I don't think I'd want my doctor to talk about me taking a penis thankyouverymuch. Weird.

@Metasequoia Not a Debbie downer AT ALL. You need to be able to get stuff off your chest to be able to move past it/deal with it...that's my theory, anyway! Don't rush yourself...you'll get where you need to be when you need to be there. There's so much pressure to enjoy every moment of pregnancy and that's just not how it is for most women.
post #18 of 20

jaw.gif Some people should really not be in fields where they have to interact with humans! 

post #19 of 20

The midwives and doctors at my practice are mostly great, but oh god the office staff.

 

I called to schedule an ultrasound along with my first appointment, for dating and viability (my last pregnancy ended at 8.5 weeks). My appointment is at 9 weeks. The woman at the office tried to argue with me and say they never do ultrasounds that early (my last one was at 9 weeks) and that they "wouldn't be able to see anything" (I saw a heartbeat with my first child at 6 weeks). Then she said "why, is something wrong?"

 

I don't understand why they can't leave a note on your record and READ IT. I had a d&e following my miscarriage at this same practice in July. I had my daughter with them two years ago. And yet every time I call... "is this your first pregnancy? oh you had a miscarriage? when was the date of the miscarriage? of this year?" Seriously how is this not in your records?

post #20 of 20

I'm sorry, MakeItSew. That's so insensitive. I wish they would check charts. They should've been able to pull you right up and see your basic history.

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