My midwife appt yesterday was interesting... she said she didn't feel the birth was imminent because I didn't have "the look" yet... as in the look of being completely over it... if only she could see me at 10pm when I'm miserable and complaining to my husband and during the day when I'm by myself-- I am definitely OVER IT!!! We also talked about my husband's paternity leave... he's a teacher and has SO MANY paid vacation days saved up that he hasn't taken, so technically he could take the rest of the year off and still get paid- but he's choosing not to and to only take 2 weeks because he claims it's more effort to make lesson plans for the sub than to just go in and work. He will see when the baby is born I guess... we also talked about his delusion of "going home for christmas/thanksgiving to see *his* family".
I don't know if it's the full moon or what, but I think there is something wrong with your husband who you are about to have a baby with who has lived on the opposite side of the continent from "his family" for 15 years calling it "going home to his family for christmas". It's already bad enough that I am facing the rest of our lives together with the pressure of having to go to freaking suburban massachusetts twice a year for christmas, a holiday i don't even celebrate and abhor, and for summer, during the heat waves-- and that his family refuses to come out here to visit claiming they don't have any money-- well neither do WE and we're the ones who are expected to visit twice a year... indefinitely. but I guess that's the sacrifice I am making (and knew I was getting into when I married him) and I'm doing it to make my husband happy. My husband is a cancer sun sign and it's so apparent in so many ways... he's really particular about his stuff and the arrangement of things in the house, and he's really overly protective and guilt-tripped/tied into his family and their drama. I just lost it when he said "go home to his family".... what about OUR family?? and OUR home?? it's like it doesn't matter to him and this is just a temporary thing. He half-assed tried to apologize, but used a lot of defensive language and I'm still upset with him. We're literally any day away from having a baby together and BEING a nuclear family-- his "family" back east is now "extended" family... and home is where you choose to be-- and he moved away from there for MANY reasons and only has been going back for such godawful ridiculous stretches of time (a month in the summer, a month in the winter) because his family guilts him into it. They're really big on guilt. Luckily he didn't inherit that lovely quality. His mom tried to guilt me into going to new england for christmas so everyone could see the baby (when she's 6-8 weeks old on a 7 hour plane ride when I am a FTM I don't THINK SO!!!).
Then he has the balls to say "You don't understand and you're just jealous because you don't have a close family or a home like mine". Which is true.... I moved constantly my whole childhood and I have a stepfamily, my dad died when i was 6 (which brings up the whole abandonment thing when he said "HIS FAMILY and HIS HOME" like he's going to leave me) and I am only close to my mom and my sister-- I barely know my biological brother because I moved out when he was 11, and I tolerate my stepfather and have no relationship with my stepsiblings, mostly because they are just lame people and we have nothing in common except for married parents.
So the point is- I think my husband is having some major inner conflict over becoming a father, a provider and facing the responsibility of having his own family and his own home. I just wish he didn't have to be such an insensitive dick about it. He's 43, it's about goddamn time. It's not like his family is going anywhere, they've lived in the same house since he was a baby and they all live within 20 minutes of his mom's house. It's not like having his own daughter is going to rival the love he feels for his nieces and nephews. and in the meantime.... him repeatedly saying things like "going home to my family for christmas" is making me feel like utter shit.
he obviously knows that its kind of screwed up to be planning to go "home for thanksgiving or christmas" when your wife is at home with your newborn baby- because when we were talking about it with my midwife he quickly backpedaled and said he had changed his mind about it, and he can just facetime/skype them. Yet when he's on the phone with his brother or mom, he keeps leading them on with talks of flying "home" for thanksgiving or christmas.