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Dad wants it

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 

We don't know what we're havign yet, but I am hoping for a girl. I brought the subject up and he is very adament about having it done citing "religious" beliefs. Theat man is the FARTHEST thing from being religious I know of. I personally, don't want it done, especially since we're not planning on vaccinating out kids and I don't want them to pick something up in the hospital.

post #2 of 29

If he wants it, by all means, he could get one for himself.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, not helpful, but I couldn't help myself :duck

I hope other people have more constructive suggestions to add.

post #3 of 29

May I ask which religion?  

 

I know for Christians it is not mandated anymore because of the new covenant.  Not sure on the other ones, however.

post #4 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeItSnape View Post
 

We don't know what we're havign yet, but I am hoping for a girl. I brought the subject up and he is very adament about having it done citing "religious" beliefs. Theat man is the FARTHEST thing from being religious I know of. I personally, don't want it done, especially since we're not planning on vaccinating out kids and I don't want them to pick something up in the hospital.

He is cut, yes?  Then the reason he's adamant is because it can be quite the difficult task for a father-to-be to recognize that something was taken from him without his consent.  There have been many threads here from moms-to-be in your shoes.  The one I remember in particular was by a mom w/ the name "Tammy..." I don't remember the whole username, but I think if you search on Tammy, you'll find it.

 

An article for you to read is this; it'll explain it in more detail: http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html

 

Here's a few strategies I've read other mothers use (my dh didn't argue, so I didn't have to use any tactic): 

 

- video by Penn & Teller’s Bullshit, humor in there, but also shows some of a circ (maybe all, I tried really hard not to watch that part) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLGcqPE7xu0&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvLGcqPE7xu0&has_verified=1  be sure to listen w/ the volume on.

- Search for circumcision in youtube.  Play it when your dh is around w/ the volume on full blast.

- Print articles (if he believes drs know their stuff, then maybe from www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org) & leave them in the bathroom or in other places around your home

- He's the one who wants it done.  The onus should be on him to prove why removing healthy, functional body parts is the way to go.

- ask him to watch this, very well done, video by a PhD, I believe.  Search on youtube for The Elephant in the Hospital.

 

And, if he's citing other reasons, remind him that not everyone is doing it anymore: http://tinyurl.com/bre3bcf

 

Please keep posting.  We'll support you in protecting your child.

 

Best wishes,

Sus

post #5 of 29

just remember, Mom, YOU are the one who is the patient at a hospital birth. YOU have to sign for any circumcision. 

simply say no, and stick to your guns.

your husband has to PROVE to you why a SURGERY is necessary on your son, whose genitals are perfectly healthy and normal. 

you don't have to prove anything to him as to why to just leave your son's perfectly healthy and normal genitals alone.

(not to mention, the genitals belong to your SON -- who will grow into a man very soon, and have to live with the genitals for the rest of his life.)

post #6 of 29
The perfect normal is for all men to have a foreskin. To be born without one is a birth defect.

Stand tall, mama!
post #7 of 29

I find this video is a sort of calm, rational one that's not hard for dads to watch:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi6A7wP7dKw

post #8 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichelleZB View Post
 

I find this video is a sort of calm, rational one that's not hard for dads to watch:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi6A7wP7dKw

Ah, yes, that is a good one also!

 

Sus

post #9 of 29
Thread Starter 

Thank you all SO much. I am going to look into a few of things and talk things over with him. I am not entirely sure of his religion, he's NEVER spoken of it before, but the moment I said I don't want to, he was all, noooo he needs one! And I just went, "Why? Why does he need one?" and he just walked away. He's very adamanet about like not wanting to vax the kids and I am A OK with that, especially since my friend just had her youngest vaxed and then they both got flu shots and 2/3 flu shots her family got had adverse reactions. I'm honestly surprised he was like no, it needs to be done when he wants things as natural as possible, homebirth and all that...

post #10 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeItSnape View Post
 

Thank you all SO much. I am going to look into a few of things and talk things over with him. I am not entirely sure of his religion, he's NEVER spoken of it before, but the moment I said I don't want to, he was all, noooo he needs one! And I just went, "Why? Why does he need one?" and he just walked away. He's very adamanet about like not wanting to vax the kids and I am A OK with that, especially since my friend just had her youngest vaxed and then they both got flu shots and 2/3 flu shots her family got had adverse reactions. I'm honestly surprised he was like no, it needs to be done when he wants things as natural as possible, homebirth and all that...

What I've bolded is pretty common to an emotional, irrational response to this topic.  And, I am not criticizing your dh; this can truly be a monumental thing for some dad's-to-be to overcome, unfortunately.  He is wounded.  Treat him w/ care while being firm & resolute that your child will not have any body parts amputated.  It can be done.  :Hugto you both.

 

Best wishes,

Sus

post #11 of 29

You can also counter with your own religious beliefs: The Golden Rule, Do Unto Others, etc.  

post #12 of 29

It was hard for my husband to really look objectively at the procedure, since doing so would involve admitting that he was victimized himself. What helped him ease into it was that we discussed the fact that it can always be done later, when the child/man is old enough to understand what is happening and choose it. That helped him feel more comfortable, like just postponing the decision. We talked about the fact that a newborn is so vulnerable and fragile, that being in diapers makes it easy to develop an infection, that they are often not given any anesthetic, that parents often aren't allowed to go with them, that sometimes it is quite traumatizing, etc. I tried to not polarize the discussion, and to talk about everything from a risk/reward perspective rather than claiming that ALL people suffer from having it done (although I believe that may be the case). It helped that we ended up deciding to have a home birth and so it would have required a special trip to the hospital.

 

Once he saw his son and got to know him, my husband quickly realized how perfect he is just the way he came.

post #13 of 29
Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
ing
Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeItSnape View Post

Thank you all SO much. I am going to look into a few of things and talk things over with him. I am not entirely sure of his religion, he's NEVER spoken of it before, but the moment I said I don't want to, he was all, noooo he needs one! And I just went, "Why? Why does he need one?" and he just walked away. He's very adamanet about like not wanting to vax the kids and I am A OK with that, especially since my friend just had her youngest vaxed and then they both got flu shots and 2/3 flu shots her family got had adverse reactions. I'm honestly surprised he was like no, it needs to be done when he wants things as natural as possible, homebirth and all that...

You are having a baby together and you're not sure of his religion? Are you married?
post #14 of 29

It sounds like her dp isn't a practicing anything.  So whether she's married or not has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

post #15 of 29

Echoing tropicana, you are the one who can legally make the decision. If you don't want it, don't do it. Sure, it may cause friction in your relationship, but hopefully your partner will eventually see the light. You are the mom, you grew this child, you will birth this child, and you are the boss. Men can choose to support decisions you make but you make the decisions. 

post #16 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow View Post
 

It sounds like her dp isn't a practicing anything.  So whether she's married or not has nothing to do with the topic at hand.


If they were married, I would be surprised that someone would make that sort of official commitment without knowing where someone stands on such a big topic.

post #17 of 29
Religion or circumcision?
post #18 of 29
If you are married, your husband has just as much (legal) right as you do to authorize a circumcision. In my state, when the parents are married, consent is needed from only one parent. So, a father could request and authorize a circumcision without the mother's permission (and vice-versa). I'm not saying that's right; but, that is how it is.
post #19 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow View Post

Religion or circumcision?

 



both.
post #20 of 29
Circ never came up as a subject when I was dating now dh. It never even crossed my mind or dh's. I didn't even think about it until I was pregnant. Even then I didn't put much thought into it until someone asked me what I was going to do about circ if I had a boy. Thank goodness someone asked while I had time to research and give dh the info. But. I don't think a lot of people think about it, unless they've actually been exposed to it as an issue. You see post after post about partners fighting about it, so I'm not surprided in the least aboutthat.
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