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Dad wants it - Page 2

post #21 of 29
Thread Starter 

For the record, we are not married. Religion, for me, isn't a big deal. It's not something that has EVER been brought up and from the way he talks and ALL his other beliefs about things, led to me to believe he was like me.

post #22 of 29

As a guy who is most distressed about having his foreskin whacked off, I certainly agree with all the pps who state that there is no decision to make. The default is to make sure the baby stays as nature made him. It is his penis, and only he should get to decide if surgery is performed on it.

post #23 of 29

I always liked the advice of be a tree swaying in the breeze.  Let your partner yell, scream and throw fits.  Listen and bend but don't break.  You just focus on making sure that on birth day, it. does. not. happen. period.  Again, he may complain for a while after, but he'll get over it, or he'll stop talking about it.  Honestly I think many men who have been cut just need to not be the one making the decision.  When it is made for them, when the mother of their child puts their foot down, I think it is easier for them to tell themselves they could not stop it and therefore it is not worth continuing to be upset over.  

 

Just one of the many approaches.  You will have to think about all of them and see what style applies to your partner the best. 

post #24 of 29
Thread Starter 

I found out that he's Christian, and there's nothing I find that says they HAVE to be, more actually things telling them NOT to circumsize. Personally, I think it's more or less because he doens't want to go that extra step with the foreskin cleansing. It's just funny to me that he doens't want vaccines (neither do I) and he wants things natural, but he wants to cut something off if his son that doesn't belong to him...

post #25 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeItSnape View Post

I found out that he's Christian, and there's nothing I find that says they HAVE to be, more actually things telling them NOT to circumsize. Personally, I think it's more or less because he doens't want to go that extra step with the foreskin cleansing. It's just funny to me that he doens't want vaccines (neither do I) and he wants things natural, but he wants to cut something off if his son that doesn't belong to him...

I don't think it's much more of an extra step to clean the foreskin. I guess you could ask him if he thinks you should cut off one of the baby's ears so there's less to clean.
post #26 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post
 

What I've bolded is pretty common to an emotional, irrational response to this topic.  And, I am not criticizing your dh; this can truly be a monumental thing for some dad's-to-be to overcome, unfortunately.  He is wounded.  Treat him w/ care while being firm & resolute that your child will not have any body parts amputated.  It can be done.  :Hugto you both.

 

Best wishes,

Sus

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeItSnape View Post
 

I found out that he's Christian, and there's nothing I find that says they HAVE to be, more actually things telling them NOT to circumsize. Personally, I think it's more or less because he doens't want to go that extra step with the foreskin cleansing. It's just funny to me that he doens't want vaccines (neither do I) and he wants things natural, but he wants to cut something off if his son that doesn't belong to him...

It doesn't make sense because it's not a logical response, it's an emotional one.  He doesn't feel wounded to his core by the vaccinations he received.  He doesn't feel threatened by doing things naturally; he does by the thought of his son having something he had forcibly taken from him at the most vulnerable time in his life.

 

Did you read the Vulnerability of Men article?

 

Best wishes,

Sus

post #27 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeItSnape View Post
 

I found out that he's Christian, and there's nothing I find that says they HAVE to be, more actually things telling them NOT to circumsize. Personally, I think it's more or less because he doens't want to go that extra step with the foreskin cleansing. It's just funny to me that he doens't want vaccines (neither do I) and he wants things natural, but he wants to cut something off if his son that doesn't belong to him...

 

You do know that you don't clean the foreskin, right? You just leave it alone and don't mess with it. It gets as clean as it needs to be in the bath.

post #28 of 29

right. everyone: you don't clean under the foreskin. you clean a baby penis just like you clean a baby finger. leave the foreskin the heck alone. (retracting the foreskin of a baby in order to "clean" it before it is ready to retract can damage the baby's penis, and lead to problems such as infections that can actually cause doctors to recommend circumcision to "correct." 

 

just, don't clean it. wipe off any baby poop with a diaper wipe on the outside of the penis only. don't retract. soak the baby in a bath, rinse with water, pat dry with a towel. just like a hand or a finger. 

 

over and out. easy peasy. no muss no fuss. for real. it's THAT EASY.

post #29 of 29

In my experience circed men are very offended when they hear their wives/partners don't want to circ their sons. All the articles and videos posted explain well why. My husband at first was very mad, but then got over it. It's such a non issue these days. He even forgot about it I think. Once he said he now thinks circs shouldn't be done which is a huge leap forward because during the pregnancy I fought him so hard on this, meaning I just maintained hell no not gonna happen. I showed him research and that usually doesn't sway men. So I just maintained my point, didn't yell/fall for arguments and once DS was born he didn't even mention it. He changed diapers and cared for DS while I was recovering from a rough ride birth and it was such a non-issue. It was amazing!

 

Btw, we knew our religions, but gosh no we never debated circumcision when we dated or were engaged. It never crossed my mind. I'm European and circing isn't on my radar. I always figured DH was circed due to phimosis. It wasn't until I was pregnant with DS that the real reason surfaced (MIL: it was just done at the hospital, the doctors said it was better blablabla).

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