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Intimacy issues with husband

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
Not really sure where to post this or if it's allowed to be discussed? My husband has voiced his concern to me about the infrequency of being intimate. It's often only once a week and if it were soley up to me it would probably would never happen. We all know men and women are wired differently, and to be quite honest I could care less about sex. I don't find it all hyped up to be as some people make it where i cant live without it. Maybe it's a hormonal imbalance? I was like this before baby came along, fyi. Anyway my poor hubby says he has just stopped asking me because he's tired of constantly getting turned down or me telling him later, and then it never happens later. I suppose my focus is on my baby and when we do it and she's happily playing or she wakes up it always turns into her crying because she's being ignored and me telling my husband to just hurry. I find myself shrugging off any affection because I feel like he's just after me for sex (which isn't always true). I am attracted to my husband but just find sex to be too much work. How do I change this? How do I say 'yes' to him more? I feel so guilty and like I am failing my husband. I want to fulfill his needs, but is he being unreasonable by wanting to every other day? I enjoy it when we are intimate most of the time and even sometimes wonder why we don't more often, I just find it too difficult to initiate it or even entertaining the idea of it. Advice? Sorry if I rambled.
Edited to add: hubby feels like we're not getting closer because of the lack of intimacy which really breaks my heart greensad.gif
Edited by Rosie023 - 10/20/13 at 10:19am
post #2 of 6
I dont have any advice but wanted to let u know that i can relate. My little girl just turned 4 months and its prob been a good 6 months now since we have had sex because i had 3rd trimester bleeding and was put on pelvic rest. Anyway, we cosleep, which wasnt planned, and dd wont nap without being held so our opportunities for intimacy are extremely slim. I also feel bad and like im neglecting hubby but hes thankfully pretty understanding right now. Every couple of weeks i do try to help out in other ways, but its always a rushed experience. I personally could do without right now. I dont have the desire, im always tired, im afraid of getting pregnant, and things still dont feel totally normal down there. Some ppl seem to get busy again right after birth and others dont. I worry that us not being intimate may hurt our relationship a little if we wait too long, but i just dont see how to make it happen right now. Tell ur hubby at least he hasnt been abstinent for 6 months like we have wink1.gif i think im technically a virgin again lol wink1.gif
post #3 of 6
Thread Starter 
I can relate, squiggles, as we didn't plan on cosleeping either and she wont nap without me laying beside her, boob at the ready lol.I don't want the sleeping arrangement to change, but I think my husband is tired of it and wants her in the crib so he can have me 'back'. It's upsetting as I can't imagine not having her snuggled in bed with us. I play the practicality card and remind him how often I'd have to get up in the middle of the night to nurse her (5-6 times now that's she 11 months).
post #4 of 6
Ive made the same argument about having to get up a million times. I think that as long as she is still nursing at night she will be in bed with us. Late night random intimacy just isnt in the cards right now!
post #5 of 6
I had a lot of trouble wanting to be intimate after having DD, I would come close to vomiting at the thought and sometimes afterwards I'd gag in the bathroom. Counseling, visualization, and getting props and games helped a lot. Using different rooms and doing it at unusual times also helped. We got a book about positions and techniques and did a lot of experimenting with our likes and dislikes and that made it less of a chore.

We always Co slept and it was hard sometimes to ease away from the bed while putting enough pressure so she'd think I was still there but this was a skill that made it possible for me to have a little time to myself when DD slept so I am glad I worked on it. If you put a sturdy chair or small couch in your room you'll have a fun place to dtd and still be in the room.

There is a sex talk forum and this topic comes up there sometimes.
post #6 of 6

Just a quick driveby post, but I can't say enough good things about the book Intimacy and Desire. It provides a whole different way to look at a mismatch of sexual desires. 

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