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When I do ever feel normal again?

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

Where do I start?


I guess the day I went into labor,my husband took me to the hospital,it was 2 days before my delivery day of my first child. My husband of course,didn't think it was time,but I knew something was wrong,and it was time. So,we go,and he thinks they'll send me home,well turns out,I was admitted. The nurse moves me into a Delivery Room,hooks me up to an IV,blood pressure machine,the whole 9 yards. Little did I know,til the doctor came in I had preclampsia(high blood pressure). So,he induced my labor. I was in labor for 13 hours until I had my beautiful son. We named him Timothy. During my delivery,my doctor pulled my son's shoulder,and I had to recover from a 4th degree tear,because my son was 9lb 3oz,and they should've done a C-Section,because I am a very tiny lady. When I was able to hold and nurse my baby,I passed out,due to loose of blood,no food,and tired. I came to pretty quickly. So,I finally got to hold my baby. The next morning,our pediatrician comes to talk to my husband,and I about the baby,and tells us he now has Erb's Palsey,from his shoulder being injured from delivery,which we ended up having to do physical therapy and seeing a neurologist the first 9 months of his life . Awesome,what you want to hear after all the mess you've just been through, Well I was still hooked up to a bunch of drugs,and a blood pressure cuff,because my blood pressure never dropped after having the baby, It is so hard to nurse a baby w/ both arms tied up. So,after a few days home from the hospital,I go back to the OB to have my blood pressure checked,in case he wanted to put me on blood pressure pills, he didn't want to but my BP was 170/94,so he had no choice,I continued to follow up w/ my primary doctor about my BP,and he said it was due to anxiety,which I'm still fighting today almost 11 months later. I also had postpartum depression.and I still battle with it somedays. I really wish I didn't feel moppy all the time,and interact with my son more,he's a very beautiful,smart,charming young man. I don't feel afraid of anyone/anything,my body isjust shaky constantly,and I hate it. Who wants to be on more medicine,and getting counsel to help you cope with "baby blues" when you just want to be a happy mom,like you always dreamed of. 

post #2 of 4
Tramatic birth is so hard to get over. I struggled with mine for over a year on a daily basis. But it wasn't until my baby was 2 that I admitted I was getting worse instead of better. I started seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants. Once the worse fog lifted I was able to start processing my feelings and overcoming my anger and grief. Now I am starting to examine underlying causes for my issues, including poor nutrition, loss of my spirituality, and fatigue. But the first step was getting that help from outside my family. I wish I had done so sooner so the first years of my daughter's life weren't cloudy with depression and anxiety. I take Effexor XR, which is dual indicated - both anxiety and depression. Maybe it is time to seek help?
post #3 of 4
Thread Starter 

Thank you for your response. I am currently getting medical help from my doctor,and therapy. As well as Christian counsel from my pastor. My husband is really trying his best to understand how I feel. The counselors are trying to help me not feel so overwhelmed by taking little steps everyday to do things,instead of all at once,so I don't feel so shaky on the inside,did you eventually get off your anxiety/depression medicines? That is my goal,I really don't like being on them,but if they help me,I want to feel better. The medication I'm on now,helps me for a few hours,then quits working,I may ask to switch to a new kind,if the meds don't last more than 3 hours anymore.

post #4 of 4
Maybe ask your therapist about EMDR. It's very effective with traumatic memories and PTSD-type issues. I have used it with my therapist for a childhood trauma and it really helped!

You experienced A LOT and it takes time to process memories and heal. Good for you for seeking help! That can be scary on its own.
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