So, I had my daughter a year ago. I moved to Florida at 30 weeks and was excited that even though I had medicaid, I was able to find a midwife clinic to go to. I really wanted a midwife as I had heard such great things about them and even though I wanted an Epi (I feel so official throwing out the little lingo i know.. ha) I wanted the birth to be as natural as possible and was very terrified of a csection.
At 41 weeks (this was my first and only pregnancy) my family was in town and I felt pressure to ask to be induced. At 41 weeks and 2 days, one of the midwifes told me I could come to the hospital that night. I did and they put in Cervadil. I was told I would be able to rest overnight with it in because it had to be in for 12 hours. Rest?! I was in a lot of pain right from the start. It was scary as my husband and I were new to this and basically just put in a room and left alone all night. My nurse kept telling me it should feel like a bad period cramp, but I felt like I was having contractions. It was really surprising how much pain I was in all night long. At about 4 am I asked my nurse for something to help with the pain and she looked at me like I was a big wimp. I felt dumb but I was trying my best. I wanted some rest but was getting a bad headache and was hurting so bad. Especially with bad back pain. They gave me something in my IV I don't remember what. It helped take a little edge off, but I still couldn't rest.
In the morning, the pain was so intense I was throwing up and felt extreme pain. Again, we were left pretty much to our own devices. I have to explain that although I had gone to a midwife clinic, there were five midwives in rotation. I never really got to know one over the other and they had I don't know how many other women in labor that day. Because I hardly ever saw her the entire time. My husband and I were trying different laboring positions that my friend was telling me about over the phone and also tried a shower. There was no tub. They kept wanting me to get back into bed and keep the monitor on. I felt trapped. Finally, I could stand the bed anymore and had to get up and keep moving. Leaning on my husband, I began throwing up more and felt like I was going to pass out. He grabbed some random nurse in the hall and she came in, adjusted the monitor around my waste and I was contracting off the charts. She quickly pulled the cervadil out thankfully.
They checked me and I was only at two cen. This was so disheartening because I had been in so much pain for over 12 hours. Anyone else have any experience with cervadil? I understand its supposed to be a more natural approach to induction than pitocin, but nothing felt natural about it. I felt I was contracting that entire 12 hours with no break. No rise and fall. No rest periods. Just constant cramping and back pain like being stabbed with a knife. They told me it would have to be put in for another 12 hours. I was devastated. When she put it in this time it was so painful I was screaming out. It was like my uterus was so sensitive to the touch. She was trying to get it in the right position farther back than it had been in before and it was insanely painful. Once in, the very intense pain began again. No lulls or pattern.
It was only in for two hours at which point I was vomiting and my uterus felt like it was contracting out of control again. Almost like spasming... I read later about Cervadil overreacting the uterus or overstimulating it. I feel like this might have happened to me and am confused why they didn't do anything about it. This time they took it out and I was at 5 to 6 with contractions. I quickly asked for the epidural. I received one and was so happy to get some relief for an hour. Then I was 10 and it was time to push. I'm confused at this point why my epidural seems to have "worn off" at this point. I had gone to a hospital required epidural class prior to labor and was told it doesn't wear off but is on a continual drip. By the time I was pushing it felt like I had no medication. I tried my best to use what little labor techniques I had. Finally, I did have a good nurse at this point because the midwife was hardly in the room. She tried a bunch of different position with me on the bed. I pushed for two hours. It was incredibly painful the entire time. Incredible back pain. I kept asking for more epidural because this is not how I was expecting it to be... and they kept telling me no. That my baby would end up in the NICU. I was exhausted after going into my 23rd hour and I don't know how effective my pushes were. I was sure trying my absolute hardest! I felt like I was going to die. I don't know if they gave me morphine at this point, but I remember asking to pray with my family and telling them that I felt my grandmother who has passed was near.
Come to find out, the baby was anterior (sunny side up) and even though her head was right there, she was not coming out. The midwife was trying to turn her with her hand inside me. Oh wow. But, it didn't appear to be working. At this point, comes all my questions. I was crying out for a csection. I was delirious with pain and just wanted her out and was being refused anything for the pain. I'm confused why... seeing as she couldn't turn her, why she didn't give me more epidural and do an episitomy or forceps or something. I have had several friends with episiotomies and although certainly a last resort, you think this would be better than a csection? Finally, they brought in the anesthesiologist and was told I was getting a csection. I couldn't think about asking for other options... I was just relieved.
Sorry this is turning out so long... but thank you so much for letting me tell my story. Overall, the c section was fine. The recovery was a lot more difficult than I thought, but I got through it. I had a tremendously hard time sleeping. I seriously can't sleep on my back, so could not get comfortable. I was awake the entire two day recovery in the hospital. Anyone else have this problem? If your not a back sleeper, c sections are rough. Any advice? Once home, it was little sleep for this reason too. I think it made my anxiety a lot worse too and kind of set the stage for a downward spiral...
My baby was not nursing well. She sometimes would have a good feeding, followed by an hour of crying. Or sometimes pulling away and not wanting to nurse at all. After two weeks of this and no sleep on my part, I began formula feeding feeling totally defeated, drained, and with a body that felt in trauma itself. She got worse on formula, eventually went to nutramigen and we endured a long hard four months until she grew out of acid reflux. My post partum period was one of horrible anxiety, feeling like a failure, which led to depression. The sleep thing became a huge problem and I was a zombie. My baby woke up several times a night, but even when she was sleeping, I couldn't sleep but was sick with anxiety. I had flash backs and horrible feelings about the birth experience and felt like everything after... the reflux and stopping nursing, and the sleep issue... was all my fault. I should have gone to a therapist at this point, but I didn't.
Anyway, at four months when my daughter grew out of her reflux at four months, I began to get better too. I finally could enjoy it and not feel like all her pain and problems were my fault. Now that its been a year, I feel like I can finally address some things and want to start to make myself feel better about doing that whole thing again. I am terrified. Ive read a lot about the pros and cons vs. VBAC and RC. There are a lot of parts of a VBAC I want including a better birth experience and easier recovery. I'm nervous about another anterior birth position. I question going to another midwife or seeing a regular OB. I do think I want a doula though regardless of what I choose. RC has a lot of pros on my mind too. I know what to expect. The process itself was quick and easy. I have a lot of fears of labor again. But I also fear the cseciton recovery again. I'd like to be able to sleep better and feel more relaxed in the hospital. I'd like to be able to move around more and have an easier time nursing in different positions and getting up at night by myself. I'm jealous of my friends when I hear all their much more positive birth experiences. Ones, that are very similar to mine... who were induced (but with pitocin) who had an epidural (which actually lasted through delivery) and who were able to give birth vaginally without problems. Or my friend who wanted a natural birth, but after a long labor and baby still in anterior position, her midwife suggested the epidural, they monitored baby closely, she took a nap, and when the baby was in position, they pushed a few times and got her out. I've read about spinning babies and birth position. Ive also read things that say you can't really have that much impact on birth position prior to labor. So, there is quite a bit of conflicting information out there. I also want to add that I realize I should have done more research the first time around and I was very naive. At the time, I had a cross country move to worry about, finished my Masters, and because I sometimes overwhelm myself with diving into a topic and stress myself out more than I help myself, I was trying to take a more laid back approach and trust the family members and professionals around me. But, I think they're is a balance that needs to be found... you don't want to read every horror story out there, complicate things with all these what ifs and complicated instructions... but you do need to be informed and know all the possiblities I feel. So trying to find that right balance this time around.
Anyway, those are all my thoughts! Thank you... it was therapeutic for me to share my story. I hope for insights and help!! Any similarities out there? :)