Hi all firstly thank you for welcoming me into this group , i am in desperate need of advice i'm so sad and upset at my partner at what i perceive to be an incredibly selfish attitude toward my son and my parenting choices.
My Girlfriend and i have been attempting to be together for over two years. Due to my long and complicated divorce form my ex, being in Texas and being a foreigner i have felt very very vulnerable and following legal advice we have been taking things slowly postponing moving in together until i have the final decree of my divorce.
In the midst of all this my girlfriend found a house to rent that is perfect for all of us. Even though i made no promise as to when i could move in , and was clear that it would have to be after the decree she rented the house because she wanted to paint and get it ready for all of us. Extremely sweet sentiments and i was so touched. I could really see our lives take shape.
However in the last couple of moths as we are getting down to the wire with the divorce she has been increasingly impatient. She has been downright grumpy and all we seem to do is argue. When my son is with my ex we used to make love , now all we do is argue. I have gotten her to agree to go to therapy as i want to deal with all the stress of waiting before we finally blend our family, but it doesn't seem to be helping.
Due to this i felt pressured to make a move sooner rather than later so even though my divorce is not finalized i told my ex that i will be moving in with her and i also told my son who is 9.He has a great relationship with my girlfriend they have known each other for about 5 yrs and love each other deeply but when i told him we would be moving in with my girlfriend he gave the heart wrenching response that he wasn't ready , he didn't want to to do it. That he needed one house to stay constant and not be changing ( his dad just moved earlier this year) after breaking his heart about this he said that he would be ready in the new year. Since its only a month later than we planned i thought there would be no problem in agreeing to that for him. I want to give our family the best footing to get started on.. I don't want him to hate my partner and see her as the reason he had to move when he didn't want to. I feel that he has been through so much already , divorce, his mum coming out taking things a little slower to get him ready for this big transition seems like a great idea.
My girlfriend went ballistic. i betrayed her. She said some ugly things about my son.
Right now i just don't know if i was expecting too much form her in expecting her to act like a parent and put my sons best interest before her own wants and desires.
The thing is i wanted to move in sooner too but i put this to the side as a mother, that's what you do.
Now i am doubting as to whether she is even ready to be a step parent?
Do you guys know of any good books on being a queer step parent or have advice?
I am feeling utterly torn by the whole affair but as a mother i will always put my kid first. period. My girlfriend knows this about me and admired it. Now it is a reason to break up with me ( a threat last night)