I agree with your whole (awesomely thorough) post, but, as a non-drinker, I wonder about this part. I agree that if you drink you shouldn't hide it from your kids, but what if you just don't drink? It seems that your kids would be in the same situation of learning about it from their friends. My DH drinks a beer or glass of wine a few nights a week with dinner, so my kids do see responsible drinking, but what if I were a single mom, or if DH was a non-drinker as well? How can non-drinkers impart a healthy attitude about alcohol to their kids without consuming it themselves?
If you don't drink, you're modeling the fact that choosing not to drink is a legitimate option. I think the key to making sure kids develop a healthy attitude about alcohol is probably being open to discussions, and maybe making sure they have a safe place to have their first drinks (if they choose to drink).