It has been a year since stbx moved out because he wanted to focus on work and not put energy into relationship and family.
Well, now that he has his freedom he finds that he does want a new relationship. It is the second interest of his since we split up. The first woman (the one he started pursuing when I was newly pregnant with our 2nd child) ended up not so interested in him in a romantic way, so it didn't really go anywhere. But this second one is more mutual. So he is obviously seeking a relationship out.
Anyway, it isn't really the fact that he is starting a new relationship that is hard. Life is so much easier and more joyful since he left. And, he has asperger's syndrome, so I know it is only a matter of time before he will pull back into his shell with this relationship too. Or, who knows, maybe it will work for them. That isn't really the issue for me.
The thing that is hard for me is that it is just so easy for him to just find someone else. He meets lots of women with his interests through his work and he is in a leadership position, so he seems to be a good catch (at least at first glance). Plus, he doesn't have children tagging along.
I've got full custody (which is really what I think is best for us all) and my entire life is young children, breastfeeding, and waking up 50x a night. I'm exhausted. It is so hard to find time for myself where I don't have little people climbing on me. Also, I just don't have any opportunity to meet guys who might be even remotely available or interesting. My only social life is through my daughter's school. I'm on the Board and really active in so many way that are very fulfilling, but it is a very small community. It isn't like there are constantly new people passing through, like with my stbx's work.
This afternoon I dropped in briefly for friend's birthday gathering after picking my older daughter up from school. There was an attractive guy there, but I didn't even bother to start a conversation. I had both girls with me, my youngest trying to lift my shirt up to nurse, my oldest being obnoxious because she hadn't seen me all day and just wanted my attention. I felt frazzled and exhausted. And who is going to pursue a mom with sole custody of two young children?
I'm 42, I have a 5 year old and 16 month old and right now all I really want is a full night sleep and someone to do my dishes. I can't imagine beginning a relationship.
Meanwhile, here is their dad footloose and fancy free. His time is his own, his life is his own. And, gee, it really wasn't that he didn't want to put energy into a relationship. It is just that he didn't want to put energy into *our* relationship and family.
Ok.. that is all. Thanks for listing to my pity party....