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Not all butterflies and rainbows...

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 

Hi ladies!

 

I haven't posted many things but I thought this would be a good time to share with women who know what I'm going through.  Maybe I just need a little commiseration.

 

This is my second pregnancy and with my first I LOVED being pregnant.  I took everything in stride and felt pretty darn good the whole time.

 

This time around I feel SO BIG, my feet are starting to swell, I'm so sleepy and tired, it's so uncomfortable to bend over, I'm so tired of having to pee, being hungry and on and on.  And I can't carry my sweet toddler very comfortably any more!

But then I feel guilty for feeling this way and I AM so grateful for this new baby!  I think I am also somewhat disappointed / depressed that my body feels so out of sorts!  I am used to wellness!  AND, in some ways I feel like I'm doing something "wrong."  I'm not being active enough, I'm eating too much, I'm sitting too much, whatever.  Talk about silly mom guilt!

Anybody else going through similar feelings?

 

Sigh.

post #2 of 19

Right there with you.  I just keep telling myself that it will be fun once baby actually gets here.  And trying to convince myself how lucky we are to be expecting this baby.  Hugs to you, Momma.  It will be ok.

post #3 of 19
Thread Starter 

Thank you!  Hugs to you too!

post #4 of 19

Yes, yes and yes.  :)

 

First pregnancy was so great.  It came with it's own set of ups and downs, but it was relatively easy for me to accept what was happening and surrender to the process. 

 

This time is so much harder.  Physically, it's harder.  Emotionally, it's harder.  The funny thing is that I am actually in a much better place to be accepting of this baby and excited.  This baby was planned.  This baby was wanted preconception.  But the moodiness this time around... oh my.  I'm like a crazy person and there's nothing I can do about it. 

 

I wish I could focus on the positives, but at best I just charge forward and take each day as it comes.

post #5 of 19

I am there with you, as well. I am super excited to be having another baby. I prayed so hard for this baby (after 2 miscarriages last year) and can't wait to have this LO. BUT this pregnancy has been much more difficult for me. I have been sicker and more uncomfortable with this one. I think part of it is having a almost 3 year old to run after all the time on top of the pregnancy.  I have been really moody with this pregnancy too. I think part of my "depression" is because my DH hasn't been all that supportive/excited with this one. I know he is happy about having another baby and think he is just so worried about money. A few things have come up and put us in a tighter situation since I found out I am pregnant.

 

I am a SaHM this time around and I swear it was easier working full-time with my first pregnancy... but I did have a desk job so maybe that is why. Love my DD but she is a handful and still wants me to carry her sometimes and she is just getting too heavy. Yesterday we were at the store and she wanted me to carry her the whole time (she has been fighting a cold, well we all have) and I started having a bunch of BH contractions the rest of the day. Ahh I never want to push her aside for the new baby but there are just somethings I just don't know that I can really do anymore. 

 

Ok sorry for going off here. :Sheepish Anyway I think maybe the second pregnancy is just more difficult? I really don't think it is anything we are doing/not doing!! At least that is what I tell myself! So don't be hard on yourself, you are not the only one! 

post #6 of 19

Yep. 

 

I was so excited to get pregnant again, especially after waiting five years.  I waited, longed for, planned and hoped for another baby and now that I'm pregnant and it's not fun.  I had a great time last time and this time it's been nothing but challenges. 

 

Yep. For sure. 

post #7 of 19

Honey, I am right there with you.  I am uncomfortable and I hurt.  My patience is thin.  I need time to myself.  

I am really working on taking care of myself and saying no to things.  I am napping and lounging when I can.  After I do the dishes, I take a break.  After I pick up the kids, I take a break.  I hang back at home a bit more if dh takes the kids somewhere to get more alone time.

I am so looking forward to holding this baby.  Growing it has been rougher than my previous pregnancies- no doubt!   

Take care of yourself!

post #8 of 19
Thread Starter 
Hugs to all of you, sweet mamas! You have no idea how much better this thread makes me feel!! We will get through this, right??? Less than 3 months now!
Tspencer, my midwife actually told me NOT to carry my son anymore. He "only" weighs 25 pounds, but it does feel so heavy. How can I not carry my sweet boy though??? I do have DH carry him when possible, but I still want to be there for him!
post #9 of 19

AmyDSG- I know, it breaks my heart. Especially when I hand her to my DH and she says she wants Mommy. At least for the most part she doesn't want held so its not a huge fight all the time, just right now while she has been sick. 

post #10 of 19

Me too me too me too!!! I haven't really been able to articulate what I've been feeling until reading all of your posts. Yeah, this time around, it's HARD! I feel like there's not really any novelty with this one - while it's still exciting to be pregnant, there's not the sense of wonder I had that first time around. Also I'm working full time with this one, and have a toddler, and I'm flippin tired! I feel like I haven't had a string of decent sleeps in YEARS! My hips hurt from the sleep I do get, and I've gained more weight this time around - I'm at the same weight now I was at the end with the last one. And my tummy is ginormous! People keep commenting on it. I can't believe we have so much time left. Oh yeah and I feel like I'm old hat to DP too - like he doesn't take care of me like he did with the first, though maybe I'm making that one up. Anyway, I AM happy, I am glad I'm pregnant and so looking forward to meeting this little babe, just super ready for this pregnancy to be over. Le sigh. Thanks for posting this and letting me vent :) 

post #11 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLtheTinkerbell View Post
 

Oh yeah and I feel like I'm old hat to DP too - like he doesn't take care of me like he did with the first, though maybe I'm making that one up. 

 

Oh my goodness yes! I think this is part of what I was trying to say. With my first pregnancy he at least offered to do things for me that he didn't think I should be doing.. Now he acts annoyed if I ask him to carry a heavy load of laundry upstairs for me, or if I just do it myself he gets mad saying I shouldn't be doing that! I feel like I can't win! lol He just has been acting uninterested this time around and I have started to kind of worry about the labor and birth. We had said we didn't want anyone else (family or friends) there (having a home birth) but now I'm worried I will kind of be on my own during. I'm sure he will be involved but this is one of my fears right now. I guess at least I will have my midwife and doula. 

post #12 of 19

Yeah- the 2nd time around is much harder on many levels.  Physically, like you guys, I have so many more aches and pains.  I have started going to a maternity chiropractor and that is helping some.  Then there's the fact that with the last one I had 3 baby showers.  This one- none!  Not that we really need anything or just want gifts.  We just want this child to be celebrated like the last one.  We are actually planning our own baby celebration at our home in a few weeks.  We will ask for no gifts- just a party to celebrate this baby.  Sometimes I just feel alone in my excitement for this new baby.   Recently I helped throw a baby shower for my niece that lives out of town- she's due in Nov.  I prepared all the food for the shower (the pregnant hostess, with a 3 yo and a full-time job) and knitted her a baby blanket as a gift and my husband made some artwork for their nursery.  After all that, my niece didn't even give us a baby gift.  I just hope when are baby gets here that she isn't treated like she is being treated now- like she's not as important.  I just have that protective mommy thing coming out I guess.

post #13 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by tspencer519 View Post
 He just has been acting uninterested this time around and I have started to kind of worry about the labor and birth.

 

I'm worried about this too.  I felt like even with the classes we took last time, DH was kind of at a loss when labor actually started and that he didn't listen to me when I asked him to do/not do specific things.  This time, he doesn't want to take classes and while I understand his POV and even agree with him to a large extent, I wish I could feel confident that he was going to be a support person for me.  I really don't want a doula (I know I'm like the only person in the world, but I just don't).  I want him.  But I want him to be competent and not lost in his own emotions.  I don't know, that's a lot to ask from a partner.  It's an overwhelming time for him too.  Everything will be fine if I get a good nurse, but I might not and that weighs on me. 

post #14 of 19

I would totally suggest talking through this with your spouses.  The birth of your babies is something that is imprinted in your mind and heart forever.  You want to remember your spouse showing support during that time.  I believe if he's not engaged during the birth it could put a wedge in your relationship.  Or if he is it will bring you closer as a couple.  Just tell him how much it means to you and that you need him to be there for you.  I am sure he just needs reminding that he plays a vital role in the birth.  

post #15 of 19

Cwill- Yeah we never took any birthing classes with my first or with this one. DH has never been interested in it. He was semi-supportive during labor with DD and I know he was just super nervous.. well downright scared  I should say. And at least I am not having to hire a doula, my midwife always brings an assistant to help her out and she just so happens to be one and an ex-paramedic! I agree though I don't want to count on one of them to be my main support, I want my DH!!!!! 

 

Kellyshea- I know how you feel about not feeling like this one is as important. I am in the middle of planning my SIL's baby shower (she is due same day as me Jan 10th!) We aren't having any showers or anything and even though we do need a few things for this LO it isn't about the gifts. I sometimes feel I am the only one super excited about this baby as well. Today was a little better because my mom took me out to get some material to make a baby quilt together. So that kind of made me feel a little better! :)

 

I actually have talked to my DH about how I feel about the labor and delivery and feeling like he might be distant and he just gets upset. I don't know how to take it and how far to push. Maybe I am just being emotional and silly and worrying about things I don't need to. I had him watch a water birth with me the other night and what he comes away with, "What, did you show me that because you want me to rub your back and stuff like he did, or something?" hahahaha I was like, "um... yeah that would be nice." He isn't a super affectionate guy...I just keep showing him different videos and letting him see how the other men support their wives during labor. I kind of think his biggest thing is not knowing how to be supportive during. He made a joke the other day saying, "Don't worry I will turn the X-Box off when you are pushing." Oh my! I know he was completely kidding but really??  He really is an amazing guy. I am not trying to down talk him at all or anything. I really think he is just as nervous as I am. 

post #16 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyshea82 View Post
 

I would totally suggest talking through this with your spouses.  The birth of your babies is something that is imprinted in your mind and heart forever.  You want to remember your spouse showing support during that time.  I believe if he's not engaged during the birth it could put a wedge in your relationship.  Or if he is it will bring you closer as a couple.  Just tell him how much it means to you and that you need him to be there for you.  I am sure he just needs reminding that he plays a vital role in the birth.  

 

It's a hard conversation to have because he ultimately wasn't as supportive as I would have liked, but it's not because he didn't care.  It's because he cared sooooo much.  He was so caught up in ... everything ... and it was emotionally overwhelming for him.  But I can remind him how crazy everything was and let him know that I need him to be there for me.  It might even have more impact to have an actual conversation about it rather than going to canned classes where everything feels like a script from a movie.

post #17 of 19

I understand that it can be a really difficult thing to talk about--and you don't want to put him on the defensive.  Husbands have a natural desire to want to "rescue you" from the pain of childbirth. Obviously that is just something they can't do so then they just don't know how to be involved.  

post #18 of 19
Kellyshea- You are right. I guess I just need to stand back and try to understand how he is feeling and not be so selfish and only worrying about me. I wish he would just open up a little more about his feelings though! It would make things so much easier! lol eyesroll.gif Thanks for opening my eyes a little orngbiggrin.gif
post #19 of 19

I've defiantly been feeling this way!  #1 was hard.  #2 was breezy (even with the m/s) #3, this pregnancy, is so SUCKY.  I've got no better word for it.  I'm exhuasted, in pain, and find it humiliating.  I'm sick of wetting myself when I cough and sneeze, of not being able to breath, and feeling like a narcoleptic.  I can fall asleep pretty much anywhere EXCEPT in my bed at night. 


For me, this is worrying.  When I realized today I'm 2 months until my due date, but probably closer to 2.5 away from holding my baby, I felt complete panic for two reasons.  One, I can't believe I have to endure this for longer!  I am HUGE and so uncomfortable and finding so many things impossible. Two, I'm also not ready to take care of a newborn again!  The weeks of breastfeeding being so very hard (I have oversupply/overactive letdown), the worse back ache that come from floppy abs and back muscles.  The hormones- OH, the hormones!  Can't we just fast forward from right now to two months old? 

 

 

As for struggling with DP being less involved, I'll say this: 

With pregnancy #1 he wasn't that "into" it, but he showed up with his game face on for active labor and support.  HE was physically sore and exhausted after supporting me through such an arduous

and protracted labor.   With #2, I found out he could be even less supportive/interested throughout.  He added to the difficulty of the pregnancy 2 fold.  I was really worried about labor, because we couldn't afford a doula that time and I had no idea if he'd be supportive in any way.  Turns out, he  wasn't that helpful.  He was there and "available', but all the while working on his laptop.  He felt bad about it afterward, he said the speed with which it all progressed had surprised him. He'd been "pacing himself."  (roll eyes, right?).

Turns out, though, I didn't have any need for him at all.  I mean, I'd be pissed if he wasn't *there* within hollering distance.

After NEEDING a tremendous amount of support from my midwives, doula, and dh the first time, my second birth, all I wanted to do was be left alone.... at least until the very, very, very end.  Even there, all I wanted was to be monitored. 

Pregnancy #3, he IS attentive, supportive, and sympathetic.  He's much more patient and doesn't push me to do anything.  I've heard him turn down commitments for us actually using the excuse, "...but she's pregnant with our third, I think we have to pass."  This is very welcome.  I have no idea what has shifted, but it has.  I wonder so much how he'll be during labor/delivery. Every man is different... mine is unpredictable.  Just trust that you will be okay whether he is helpful or not.

 

 

Gosh, I'm so tired and irritated with life today I'm not sure that made any sense or if it was harmful vs. helpful.  Take what you can use and forget the rest! ;)

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