I am having a "I don't know if I want to go through another pregnancy" moment today. I often have these when I'm sick because as I get older I don't handle being sick very well and I'm always siiiiiiick during pregnancy.
DH and I have talked about adoption a lot and I have been thinking a lot about fostering as well. I just wanted *one more baby* you know? Even though what is really missing is 1-2 people in this family. I just don't know what to do. I know I need to get healthier and I'm working on it slowly. But I've been working on it slowly for years. I need to go full force into it. I hate that I have auto immune diseases. I hate that these affect my body so much, both in getting sick and in getting pregnant. I hate that my kids ask all the time if we can have another baby, I hate that I don't have the energy to be the mom I want to be (although I know I'm a good one just not as great as I would like to be). I'm going through difficult times with our dog as well... And all together it's making me feel really depressed. Sorry for the long sad story but I haven't been ready to talk about it with anyone and suddenly I feel like I need to.