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November Chat :) - Page 2

post #21 of 114

UUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  My mother is a fabulous hostess, but really, I wish she'd let me just host my own smallerish party for once.  I'd like to be fabulous at hosting one day too but I do not invite people because I'm afraid they will be offended if I save them for the next party.  Just not my party MO, mother.  


(rant warning)


DD2's birthday falls on a saturday this year, which is good because its the last Saturday of november and there are no openings for any kind of weekend get together in december.  Its even the same day that my sister is back from that midwest college, so its perfect, right?  Invite the families all around, one or two other families that are special to my daughter, boom, 24 person party.  I talked it over with mom and it just seemed so special, and she suggested that I add family P and move it to the evening, so that they have time to pick up my sister and so that the guy my sister is courting has an excuse to see her the first day back.  Sure, I said.  They have a daughter who is my daughter's age too so why not, they are 11 more people and my house can hold 35 people if we work it.  Then we were all at my friends home, and my little brother is there. The birthday party comes up, and mom says, "oh, and you have to invite family B."


[brief side history here on the word "have to" when it comes to my mother and brother and party planning.  They both feel that, when hosting a party, the most important thing is not the atmosphere you are looking to create, not your scheduale, not your kids bedtimes, and definately not what kind of party you are hosting.  The most important item on the list is, will anyone be offended if they are not invited?  Will they feel excluded?  Will they hear about it and wish they could have come?  If the answer to any of the above is yes, then that particular person and thier family and any friends they would want to have around ALL MUST BE INVITED.  Period.  No matter whether the occiasion was supposed to be small or intimate or just a casual little girl's first birthday party.  Any exceptions and my brother will start yelling and pouting and whining and complaining and generally be such a pill that my parents never cross him on this point, and my mom is totally on his side with this (albeit with a much more mature attitude).  He's not been actually told "no" successfully on this since he was 12.  I've had lots of people over, but never for this reason.  Its the first time its come up, and boy did it stir me up good.  This part of mom's party metric made party planning absolutely painful.  Its the only part of my mom's hospitality that I never, ever, plan to copy.  Lots of people over, check.  People I may not personally be great friends with over anyway, check.  But people over because they might be offended?  Or because one of my children will yell and disrespect me and demand that I apologize?  Oh please G_d never let that happen to me!]  


So I tell her no, I'm not inviting family B.  I'm already inviting 7 families and family B can come over next year along with family I and family O and family F and all the other nice but as-yet-not-invited to my home families that we mututally know and like.  My little brother, and all his friends present, and my friend, and of course my mother (I would bring this on when no one but me is going to agree with me) are completely appalled and take turns scolding me.  Like I'm 9 again and being selfish and greedy with my candy.  Of course they have to be invited, their daughter will be at the airport with my sister and will hear about it and then they'll ask my brother how it went and he'll be so embarressed and how could you even imagine not inviting them to welcome thier daughter home.   I tried explaining it as being too many people for my home (family B is always invited with family R because they carpool and between them that adds another 11 people), and 46 people is NOT a fun kids birthday party at my house anymore, its a packed open house with all the chairs moved out of the way and everything has to be hors de vors and no that's not impossible but its also not what I wanted to host in the first place.  Its a kids party.  And its already pretty big in my mind.  I didn't get all that far, everyone was too embarressed by me and had totally started ignoring me.  I got the part in about it being too many people, and how I like family B, they aren't the problem, and they are still talking about how the party (how did DD2's birthday become "the party"?  My brother that's how) needs to have this, and of course we will have it at mom's house because its bigger than mine, and I said, well, can you do your welcome home party another day?  Like Monday night.  Silence again.  My friend snipped that I'm just obviously not my mother, I was so embarressed when my mother seconded her.  Obviously, I'm not good enough to host whatever we are talking about now, and its much more important than my daughter's birthday, oy.  I was leaving, this is way too humiliating and I am not fighting with my mother for hosting duties.    


So I try to just back off and go cool down from that series of insults my brother and his friends had hit me with in between all these otehr conversations.  But my mom isn't done.  She catches me in the hallway, and I'm thinking, oh good, she's not mad at me.  We have a good relationship and I figured she was going to apologize.  Nope.  She's even madder than she let on in the kitchen.  "You are so thoughtless, how dare you ask us to move the welcome home party, you know full well your brother couldn't be there and that he would like to see family B.  You need to think before you speak." That hurt.  I said" I didn't mean to exclude anyone, I was just asking."  "Well, think next time."  I muttered something incomprehensible and just fled.  I have never been so humiliated in my life, and the fact that my friend agreed with my mother  in front of everyone was just icing on the very humble pie.  


I know they were all just thinking about the homecoming from this summer college and how important it is to the teenagers to get to hang out and how much fun it would be. And yes, if I'd been talking about hosting a welcome home party, then yeah. I would invite all the kids who were coming home.  Not that they don't do this every summer, TWICE A SUMMER, every year, not including actual college homecoming in December and in spring and in june.  But its a little girl's birthday party, a little girl whose birthday is already so close to Christmas.  I have tried to talk to her about this since, but she doesn't even listen to the part about the whole "invite paragdim". That's the main thing here. The embarressment I can handle, the dressing down I'd like to have updated from 1993 to 2013 but I can be the adult that's fine, but the invites to my house for my parties ARE NOT UP FOR GRABS by my little brother's tactics.  No. (I really should only have to say it once).


END of rant


Other than that pregnancy is going fine and I go to my next appointment tomorrow.

post #22 of 114

wow, Fayebond, just wow!  that sounds so crazy to me and I can't imagine being pressured to throw any party (much less a 40+ person party!) for my kid's first birthday!  Aaack!  I just had a hilarious argument with my sisters via email about whether we have turkey or goose for Christmas dinner (and really it's only an argument because right now the thought of goose just churns my stomach) and I was feeling bad for trying to be a princess about that one, but your family seems to know how to rock the princess behaviour really well!  Good luck with that.  i would probably tell them to get lost and have a quiet day with my immediate family, but I sense that might not be such an option for you!  :wink  I hope you can sort it out.


afm, I'm now 15 weeks!  zowee - how the last few weeks have flown by.  I still feel kind of like gagging or throwing up, but it's getting better.  I am definitely more patient and have more energy for my other kids, and DH has moved back into our bed, which translates into I'm not getting up every 2 hours to pee and I am sleeping better and I am less thrashy and snory in bed (which translates into good times all round!)  I've felt the baby move a bit, but not enough to get him to feel it yet.  Just a secret sort of excitement for now.

post #23 of 114

thanks manypslinters, Hehehe, I can just imagine the exchange over turkey versus goose. Its one thing to ask for the host to change something on the menu, that's not really princessy.  Not in my family, lol.  Or maybe they can serve a second protien or whatever.  I'd totally do goose and roast beef if you were coming to my house!  


But anyway, thanks for listening. And aside from the telling off part that is actually pretty much my plan. Mom came over today and did four loads of laundry and did my dishes and helped with the kids, and she brought the party up.  She'll be deciding if she wants to throw a big welcome home party in the next couple days, and will let me know the times left for my birthday party.   I may even tell her tomorrow, hey mom, fyi, I really don't mind if you want to take that time slot for your welcome home party, we can do her party another day.  And honestly, right now its really okay. But I am going to just "forget" to throw DD2 a hosted birthday party of any kind.  ;)


We'll go out to eat another day, at a fun restaurant that gives out free desserts and sings to the kids, and have a grand old time. We'll invite the other five original families over in groups of 2 or 3 over the next few weekends, because I did really want to have them over.  I like having people over.


13 weeks today!  Woohooo!  I am dying to hear the heartbeat, we should hear one for sure tomorrow.  So excited!!!  Mom is watching the girls while I go (like I said, really good relationship, she's fabulous and the best MIL ever, DH says).

post #24 of 114
Fayebond, that saga totally deserved a rant!!

I had my second midwife check today. Heartbeat is good. Baby kicked the Doppler and swam away and had to be sought out again, so I know it is moving even though I am not sure I've felt it yet.

I have had no constipation. Actually I was having diarrhea most of the time earlier in the pregnancy, but it has calmed down now.

I've gained 10 pounds so far and can see it on my tummy and breasts. People who know me well are beginning to comment that I am "showing" but it will be months before strangers recognize it; lots of women have more tummy pudge than this!
post #25 of 114

FAYEBOND, WOW. I can't believe you went through that and I am so sorry. I can't imagine having 40 people in my house, regardless of who was insulted, let alone the humiliation you described. hugs.


I'm feeling homesick. We're in New England because the money is somewhat better here.. but unfortunately it is not really what I expected, which I take blame for.. Public Montessori, lower cost of living, better pay..  but the downside is shootings in schools that were not supposed to be "so bad" and after so long in Hawaii I was unprepared for the different culture here. It makes driving and social interaction here stressful among other things. Hawaii has its flaws too but at least I'm used to the standards of respect and can handle a shaka instead of getting flipped off when someone cuts me off. It would have been much less expensive to take a trip to Seattle, buy some Ikea and olive garden, and go home. haha. Oh well.


I'm starting to get ready for Thanksgiving. I do love the holidays and I am enjoying the cool weather a little bit. Maybe it'll even snow.


no appointments until the 21st.

post #26 of 114

Going from Hawaii to NE would be a huge culture shock! Wow! We had snow here (MN) for the first time. Just a little bit and it will all melt today but it was nice to wake up to a little white and the sun being out instead of the grey-ness we have been having.

post #27 of 114

I don't want to jinx myself but I think I am past the worst of the sickness. (knock on wood) I have noticed I have been able to cook breakfast for my family and not just trying to get something in my stomach before I vomit first thing in the morning. I think I can sense the weight gain thing coming on. It seems like I am good as long as I am constantly eating or drinking something. (and I maybe ate 3.5 grilled cheeses today for lunch bag.gif) Oh well, I love eating in pregnancy because I usually have such a small appetite and have trouble being too skinny.

post #28 of 114
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post

I don't want to jinx myself but I think I am past the worst of the sickness. (knock on wood) I have noticed I have been able to cook breakfast for my family and not just trying to get something in my stomach before I vomit first thing in the morning. I think I can sense the weight gain thing coming on. It seems like I am good as long as I am constantly eating or drinking something. (and I maybe ate 3.5 grilled cheeses today for lunch bag.gif) Oh well, I love eating in pregnancy because I usually have such a small appetite and have trouble being too skinny.

today it was cheetos for me. we basically never eat them (like once in two years? maybe?) but we had leftover mini bags from Halloween.. and I might have eaten a couple.. or three. yup, super healthy, good plan self.

post #29 of 114
Thread Starter 

Today I feel like I've started craving calories.  When I looked at the food I brought to work--hot cereal made with quinoa, bulgur wheat and steel cut oats, a green pepper, and apple, and a bowl of chicken noodle soup, I was all bummed out :)  I was wishing I had 2% milk on my hot cereal instead of skim--and I've always been happy with skim.  I bought a bag of combos off of the snack cart.  That was much better than what I brought!  I'm 12w6d and am exactly at my pre-pregnancy weight (lost 4lbs in first few weeks and have gained it back).  Maybe my body is starting to need more than I've been giving it.  I'm certainly not trying to eat low calorie--but maybe eating as I usually have isn't good enough anymore. 

post #30 of 114
Thread Starter 

Oh and a package of hotdogs my hubby has in the fridge keeps calling out to me every time I open the door...

post #31 of 114
I have been seeking more calories and get in trouble if i dont get them but i am still having trouble with anything sounding good, so that frusrates me. Breakfast is my biggest struggle since eggs dont sound good in the morning unless they are from a restaurant or something amd the sausges i bought taste funny to me and any cheese I have had just makes my constipation horrendous. Im tempted just to go out for breakfast everyday but damn that is expensive! We are out of town about 15 miles so not just a quick run to get food or anything. Im up only 1 lb.so far but with it getting so dark so early I am afraid of getting into the habit of finding some junk food and sitting on the couch or at the computer every night. I have a gym membership that I am paying every month but I need to get my ass there in the evenings. Really I have no excuse since they have childcare and are one of the closest businesses in town to us. Im not really worried about the weight gain part during pregnancy but I just need to keep moving. I was running and doing squats 3-4 nights week when I got pregnant but that was...um...like 10 weeks or so ago.
post #32 of 114

Yay, my genetic test came back clear!  Baby is okay!  Whew!  Now I can start shopping for little fuzzy suits! :love

post #33 of 114

Congrats on the clean bill of baby's health! Did you have any risks you were worried about or was it just a routine type of thing?


I just wanted to announce that I ate not 1 but 2 vegetables today, AND they stayed down! Woot Woot! That hasn't happened in a while. I had a salad with romaine for lunch and carrots from my MIL garden in some homemade soup!

post #34 of 114
I am 40, so the odds of Down syndrome were higher. Good to know we won't be facing that.

Congrats on the veggies! I have had some trouble finding veggies appealing, too, but have managed to eat a lot of baked squash lately. I had brussels sprouts tonight and liked them, with plenty of salt. Once a week I go out for vegetable pad thai, and I have been eating all the veg in that except the carrots, which I currently find unappealing--in that context, I can enjoy broccoli, bok choy, eggplant, whatever they put in that week, but not the carrots. What I really can't stand this pregnancy are raw bell peppers, ugh!! It's strange because I ate them just fine when pregnant with my son.
post #35 of 114
That sounds good. My youngest is having an overnight test at a hospital in a bigger city than where we live and they have mongolian stir fry place I have been dying to go to since I got pregnant. I am looking forward to it.
post #36 of 114
Waaahh! I stepped off a bus this evening into leaves on the sidewalk, slipped, and landed on my right knee and left cheek. It could have been worse--no broken bones, and the jeans I shredded were old non-maternity ones---but I am scraped and bruised and it hurrrts. greensad.gif I had already started rolling onto my knees to get out of bed instead of sitting straight up crimping my stomach, so now I will have to modify that to avoid my right knee.

On the bright side, this happened on my way home from Goodwill, where I bought some very cute baby clothes! innocent.gif
post #37 of 114
Oh no!! I am so sorry that happened to you! I slipped on some ice at 36 weeks with my first and sprained ankle so bad I was in a brace and crutches...AT 36 WEEKS...IN THE WINTER!!
post #38 of 114
Thread Starter 

Envirobecca--are you doing okay?  My midwife told me to call her right away if I fell or got in a fender bender car accident or anything because I would need a rhogam shot because my blood type is A- and hubby's is A+.  She said any time you have a fall, there is a slight chance baby's placenta could have a tiny bleed and mix with mama's blood--causing problems.  I just thought I would mention that since I never heard it before my midwife told me the other week.

post #39 of 114
I seem to be fine. Pain is less so long as I remember not to press the hurt areas. We both have positive blood, so I don't have that risk. I am Type O and he is Type B, so baby can be B, but as far as I know the only risk fom that is newborn jaundice.... If there were B blood leaking into mine there woud be some sort of symptom, right? I think I am okay. Very glad not to be on crutches or wanting major painkillers!
post #40 of 114

EnviroBecca - I'm glad you're ok!  That's scary though!  It makes me complaining about my wicked headache seem pretty silly.  I hope you can get some rest so you feel better soon!

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