UUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. My mother is a fabulous hostess, but really, I wish she'd let me just host my own smallerish party for once. I'd like to be fabulous at hosting one day too but I do not invite people because I'm afraid they will be offended if I save them for the next party. Just not my party MO, mother.
DD2's birthday falls on a saturday this year, which is good because its the last Saturday of november and there are no openings for any kind of weekend get together in december. Its even the same day that my sister is back from that midwest college, so its perfect, right? Invite the families all around, one or two other families that are special to my daughter, boom, 24 person party. I talked it over with mom and it just seemed so special, and she suggested that I add family P and move it to the evening, so that they have time to pick up my sister and so that the guy my sister is courting has an excuse to see her the first day back. Sure, I said. They have a daughter who is my daughter's age too so why not, they are 11 more people and my house can hold 35 people if we work it. Then we were all at my friends home, and my little brother is there. The birthday party comes up, and mom says, "oh, and you have to invite family B."
[brief side history here on the word "have to" when it comes to my mother and brother and party planning. They both feel that, when hosting a party, the most important thing is not the atmosphere you are looking to create, not your scheduale, not your kids bedtimes, and definately not what kind of party you are hosting. The most important item on the list is, will anyone be offended if they are not invited? Will they feel excluded? Will they hear about it and wish they could have come? If the answer to any of the above is yes, then that particular person and thier family and any friends they would want to have around ALL MUST BE INVITED. Period. No matter whether the occiasion was supposed to be small or intimate or just a casual little girl's first birthday party. Any exceptions and my brother will start yelling and pouting and whining and complaining and generally be such a pill that my parents never cross him on this point, and my mom is totally on his side with this (albeit with a much more mature attitude). He's not been actually told "no" successfully on this since he was 12. I've had lots of people over, but never for this reason. Its the first time its come up, and boy did it stir me up good. This part of mom's party metric made party planning absolutely painful. Its the only part of my mom's hospitality that I never, ever, plan to copy. Lots of people over, check. People I may not personally be great friends with over anyway, check. But people over because they might be offended? Or because one of my children will yell and disrespect me and demand that I apologize? Oh please G_d never let that happen to me!]
So I tell her no, I'm not inviting family B. I'm already inviting 7 families and family B can come over next year along with family I and family O and family F and all the other nice but as-yet-not-invited to my home families that we mututally know and like. My little brother, and all his friends present, and my friend, and of course my mother (I would bring this on when no one but me is going to agree with me) are completely appalled and take turns scolding me. Like I'm 9 again and being selfish and greedy with my candy. Of course they have to be invited, their daughter will be at the airport with my sister and will hear about it and then they'll ask my brother how it went and he'll be so embarressed and how could you even imagine not inviting them to welcome thier daughter home. I tried explaining it as being too many people for my home (family B is always invited with family R because they carpool and between them that adds another 11 people), and 46 people is NOT a fun kids birthday party at my house anymore, its a packed open house with all the chairs moved out of the way and everything has to be hors de vors and no that's not impossible but its also not what I wanted to host in the first place. Its a kids party. And its already pretty big in my mind. I didn't get all that far, everyone was too embarressed by me and had totally started ignoring me. I got the part in about it being too many people, and how I like family B, they aren't the problem, and they are still talking about how the party (how did DD2's birthday become "the party"? My brother that's how) needs to have this, and of course we will have it at mom's house because its bigger than mine, and I said, well, can you do your welcome home party another day? Like Monday night. Silence again. My friend snipped that I'm just obviously not my mother, I was so embarressed when my mother seconded her. Obviously, I'm not good enough to host whatever we are talking about now, and its much more important than my daughter's birthday, oy. I was leaving, this is way too humiliating and I am not fighting with my mother for hosting duties.
So I try to just back off and go cool down from that series of insults my brother and his friends had hit me with in between all these otehr conversations. But my mom isn't done. She catches me in the hallway, and I'm thinking, oh good, she's not mad at me. We have a good relationship and I figured she was going to apologize. Nope. She's even madder than she let on in the kitchen. "You are so thoughtless, how dare you ask us to move the welcome home party, you know full well your brother couldn't be there and that he would like to see family B. You need to think before you speak." That hurt. I said" I didn't mean to exclude anyone, I was just asking." "Well, think next time." I muttered something incomprehensible and just fled. I have never been so humiliated in my life, and the fact that my friend agreed with my mother in front of everyone was just icing on the very humble pie.
I know they were all just thinking about the homecoming from this summer college and how important it is to the teenagers to get to hang out and how much fun it would be. And yes, if I'd been talking about hosting a welcome home party, then yeah. I would invite all the kids who were coming home. Not that they don't do this every summer, TWICE A SUMMER, every year, not including actual college homecoming in December and in spring and in june. But its a little girl's birthday party, a little girl whose birthday is already so close to Christmas. I have tried to talk to her about this since, but she doesn't even listen to the part about the whole "invite paragdim". That's the main thing here. The embarressment I can handle, the dressing down I'd like to have updated from 1993 to 2013 but I can be the adult that's fine, but the invites to my house for my parties ARE NOT UP FOR GRABS by my little brother's tactics. No. (I really should only have to say it once).
END of rant
Other than that pregnancy is going fine and I go to my next appointment tomorrow.