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What is the BEST/NICEST/MOST HELPFUL thing someone has said to you about parenting? - Page 2

post #21 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post
 

Ouch.  I've heard this a lot from parents of multiple children (mine has been an only for nearly 9 years) and it too often sounds to me like, "Yeah, when I just had one, I was a conscientious parent like you, but now I can't be bothered."  Makes me feel sorry for their younger kids!  I guess it has a lot to do with context, though: I've most often heard this kind of thing not when I'm over-worrying some minor issue but when I'm defending myself for doing something (like limiting junk food, using the car seat correctly, or putting bug repellent on my kid) that the other parent is arguing is unnecessarily fussy because he/she stopped doing it after the first child.

I can really relate to the comment about the coin. You're expecting your second after 8 years with an only?  I had a second after 10 years!  I definitely can see using the phrase or sentiment to a new mom in a totally nice way -- because I can look back on some stuff that I stressed that just wasn't necessary - and I was a relatively low-stress parent. No need to feel sorry for the younger one in our family. The benefit of a parent with better perspective far makes up for the occasional swallowed dime. ;-)  

 

I can see why you were put off by the sentiment if it was used to belittle something you felt was important but  that's not my experience of trying to convey this or having someone try to express it to me. 

post #22 of 28

I really struggled when I had my first child with PPD right away... I was talking to my midwife on the phone about having to get up and BF my son every 2 hours and she said to me "You can do it, you have to." That super simple statement totally stuck with me. Anytime I am getting frustrated or overwhelmed with parenting I recall my midwife's voice saying that to me over the phone and it pushes me through. In a way "having no choice" but to plow on makes me find my resolve.

post #23 of 28
I think "every baby is different" is really important.

It reminds me that all other advice it what worked for a certain oerson at a certain time-- not necessarily the "right way."
post #24 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by triscuit View Post
 

I really struggled when I had my first child with PPD right away... I was talking to my midwife on the phone about having to get up and BF my son every 2 hours and she said to me "You can do it, you have to." That super simple statement totally stuck with me. Anytime I am getting frustrated or overwhelmed with parenting I recall my midwife's voice saying that to me over the phone and it pushes me through. In a way "having no choice" but to plow on makes me find my resolve.

 

Coming from someone else, that advice would make me furious.  I don't HAVE to do anything! :eyesroll  But when it comes from myself it's just a relief. Sigh of relief, there is no decision to be made, I can only get on with it, no fussing.  

 

My big problem when they were little was getting myself up in the morning.  I'm not the one who's affected when I sleep in, these innocent kids are.  It got so much better when I discovered that whether to get up in the morning doesn't require a decision.   There isn't a question about it.  "I hate this! I'm so sleepy! Can I figure out a way to sleep some more?  Do I get out of bed or not?"   Of course I'm getting up. No question about it.  I'm not spending another thought on it.

 

 

post #25 of 28

^ Yeah I think coming from just any old person it would of been very annoying!!! But from my midwife who I very much loved and was a really great influence on me as a new mommy, it was easy for me to accept. You are right.... once you just realize there is no decision to be made it does get easier in a way!! :) 

post #26 of 28
Very true
post #27 of 28

my mom. "take care of yourself first. feed your soul. do something for yourself. and then take care of baby." i thought she was crazy. my mil would call me up and ask me what i did for myself that day. no not what you did for baby... what did you do for yourself. this is all before dd was 1. 

 

the nicest thing that anyone said to me was another single mother with 4 kids. she told me how much she admired me as i took care of my incredibly hard dd (high needs). she said i had so much more of a harder time than her. i was shocked. seh with 4 kids would tell me that?!! "well my kids all play with each other, but you have to be everything to your dd including her playmate."  she was the only one who really got what a tough child i had in dd. demanding and exhaustive. 

post #28 of 28
Do what works for your family because no matter what you do, someone is going to criticize, so make sure it at least works for you! This advice came from various loved ones.

I agree that "Every baby is different." is very helpful advice. If someone asks me for advice on parenting stuff, I will tell them what worked and what didn't work for me, but then I always append "Every baby/child is different and do what works for your family." because my advice may not work for your situation!
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