And remember ladies, you must CONSENT for EVERYTHING that is done to you in hospital. Or with a midwife outside hospital for that matter. If you are not as progressed as you desire, you LEAVE. That's it. You may have to sign a AMA form, but believe me, leaving AMA and having a few people irritated with you only to return and have a normal birth is far better than staying, consenting to Pit, AROM, etc. and ending with a c-section. I've seen it happen over and over. It's your body and your birth! :)
November 2013 Chat Thread - Page 7
Yeah that, Kali!
Stripping membranes can often just lead to more of those unproductive BH contractions, but with more crampiness. In my experience with women it only makes a difference shifting towards labor if the hormones are all lined up for that and labor is imminent anyway, which in that case why would you do it if labor would start soon anyway? I don't recommend any kind of messing with your body to start labor- none of them end up feeling good and can often just cause discomfort and disappointment.
Don't worry ladies, the babies will come when they are ready! Babies are miraculously smart and courageous, and they do want to come out. : ) Prodromal labor is hard. My best advice is to keep making plans and try and live life as normally as possible until you can't possibly do that any longer.
If I go by my first labor, timing does not help me much. I had for a long time 1 minute contractions 4 or 5 minutes apart (almost 10 hours) and the closest they ever got was 3 minutes. The telltale sign was that they were very clearly getting stronger and stronger. I'm planning to go to the hospital when I feel sure "I need to go" rather than "maybe I should go" but then again we're only 10 minutes away. I can understand how problematic that is if you live 30 or 40 minutes away!
I remember my then-midwife saying, if the woman calls then usually there is time. But if the man calls, then she tries to get there ASAP. She was right about that with us .
AFM - I'm feeling quite ready. Bag is packed. Side bed is set. Most stuff on our todo list are done. I did not have this at all with DD mostly because of circumstances but I'm starting to feel impatient and restless. All I can do now is sit and wait (and cook a few meals)...
I've been gone... for like, forever! I'm sorry. Not very supportive group member! I'm nearly 34 weeks and I am... a mess. I've been in denial, but I'm pretty sure I've got prenatal depression. I can't get motivated, all I want to do is mope and sleep. There are days where I literally cry all day- one day it totaled about 6 hours of active crying. There's nothing going on in life or whatnot that justifies the emotions. I am so self-centered and forgetful! I keep letting people down, forgetting about appointments (I've been a no show to three appointments with my midwife). That's just not like me- I doubt I missed one with any of my other pregnancies. They have all been honest mistakes. One time, I had a problem with my google calendar not updating my iphone (still ongoing issues, but at least I KNOW now). The second, my dad was in the hospital and I lost track. Today, I missed one again. I'd been up most of the night with asthma and the fall out from consuming milk (by accident)... allergies in full force. I'd thought our appointment was at 11:30am, and mentioned to dh last night that I was looking forward to it. I finally got to sleep about 8am, and dh watched the kids for me while I slept- right through the appointment (which was really at 9:30am). By every right, she could fire selfish self. So, letting us both down (again) doesn't help the mood. She's giving me another chance tomorrow. I better not screw it up or I'll be facing a hospital birth with an OB at a crappy hospital. I feel like this is all so ridiculous- so many women have babies, work full time, etc... without loosing it all together.
My house is... barely functioning... I'm getting my kid to reach our minimum goals for homeschooling, but it's not where we thought we'd be. My kids are driving me crazy with their CONSTANT bickering. I'm just in a bad place (for no good reason).
I'm looking forward... to this pregnancy being over. I'm fearful... because there are many unknowns about the where and with whom I will give birth (for a couple of reasons). My mom is usually my ROCK during the end of pregnancy... but this year, I've got to put my big girl panties on and do things myself (really for the first time). She's taking care of my dad, who has been recovering from a broken hip and femur and subsequent pneumonia. Usually, she's there to hear all about and dole out sympathy and breaks from my kiddos.
The baby seems to be doing fine, my periodic glucose testing has come out fine, and my bp is rockin, with very little swelling thusfar. I'm a bit heavier than where I wanted to be at this point, but oh well! If the baby was born today, his name would be Jet. I like the name, but I've always felt there was another name out there better for him. I saw the name "Rhett" somewhere recently, and well, I just KNEW it was that name I'd been looking for. Dh will not be easily convinced. He doesn't think it'd make a very good man's name (but Jet does? lol).
Kali, the only time I had that kind of pain, too, was with a sinus infection.
I had prodromal labor for the last nine weeks with my last (second) baby. She was my latest at 41.5 weeks. There were many times I really thought it was "it"... but it didn't continue. I worried how I would know the real thing- it felt SO real.... but with the first twinges of true labor I had the thought, "Oh, yeah! THATS the real thing." I just knew, though was afraid to mention it in case I was wrong again. They were just different! ETA: that prodromal labor was the only time in which my contractions followed patterns for hours. During real labor, after they reached 5 minutes apart, they were random in frequency and length. They did increase in strength, though.
ophelia - so sorry to hear that. It really sounds like prenatal depression and perhaps your midwife can help you get some help? And it sounds like your family is going through a lot so this is probably contributing. I had a bout of depression awhile back in the second trimester, and it also coincided with a lot going on and me just not being able to physically keep up. All I can say allow yourself to feel tired and crappy without feeling guilty about it. The guilt does nothing but make it all worse. FWIW, It'll all be over soon!
Just spent the last half-hour looking up pretty much redundant info on how/when labor starts. I know it's useless but I'm starting to get bored...
geez Kali, I had one of those in the second trimester and it was SO painful. I've had them before, but something about pregnancy (blood flow? No meds?) made it almost unbearable. I hope you can figure out a fix soon ( I ended up with antibiotics).
Ophelia, sorry to hear that. I've ha some really downer days, too, and am wonder how to get through another 5-7 weeks of constant squashed, breathless, uncomfortable-in-every-position unproductive misery. It *definitely* has to do with having a hard time keeping up with it all, for me. I'm sure if I felt like my house was clean, my baby stuff was ready, and I was doing good birth prep, I'd be happy, if uncomfortable. As it is I am dreading labor, my house is a mess (why NOW can I see things like the dirty windows?!), all my new baby stuff is still in the basement, and I don't even know where I would put him or what I would put him in. So days are harder!
On the upside, all this labor talk sure is making it all seem real! Its great to hear from all of you who feel ready and capable- gives me hope :)
Anyways, I'm writing on my phone so I'll get back soon when I get in the laptop.
Kali sorry to hear about the sinus infection... warm compresses usually help me out a lot. And DP like to put eucalyptus oil on anyone nearby with a runny nose. I don't like the smell but it does open up the sinuses.
roisin I'm ready to have the baby but I'm getting quite anxious about labor birthing time. I woke up at 5 in the morning and could not think of anything else. Heart beating fast, breathing all shallow. I tried to put on a hypnobabies CD to relax but I got so annoyed with it. And funny enough, suddenly all the dirty windows are bothering me too! They must be cleaned before baby comes. When I tell DP that, he asks me why and I'm staring at him incredulously - how is it not obvious that the windows need to be clean before baby comes! The drains in the bathroom too.
Yes, LilyK, the drains and behind the dressers, and also the shoes and toys need sorted, purged, and reorganized- gah! And I was going to se if Hypnobabies was on iTunes today- but I have the Rainbow Relaxation from Marie Mongan, as well as her book, and I did it a bit last time. Then after labor, I was ready to burn them/throw them across the room for filling my head with nonsense about how natural and manageable it can be…but I suppose anything to keep me fairly calm at least up until the big day!
I'm surprised by all this membrane-stripping…when asked my midwives about it at 40 weeks the last time, they said something like "Oh, it doesn't necessarily start labor any sooner and it increases risk of infection, so we prefer not to". Is that not really the case?
Finally, I remember a long while back having a discussion about whether or not the dads are going to be at the birth- has anyone reconsidered/changed their minds, or what not? Once I gave my dh the out, he seemed almost, but not quite, relieved, but I hadn't heard any more about it until the other day when we were talking birth-day plans and he mentioned possibly staying home with the toddler…you know, if I didn't care if he was there or not… And now I don't know how I feel about it!!! My sister wants to be there, but she has no idea about birth and hasn't had a baby, so I don't know how that would be. But I am sort of wondering if I am the kind of person who would do better if I felt more unobserved (me and the midwife and nurses), or if I would end up feeling resentful to have gone through all of that by myself. Or if in labor it would be a relief to me to know that the tot was happily with her daddy and not being traumatized by our first real absence from her (even though we've talked about it, and she loves her grandma and aunties..)…thats my little mulling session for the day...
Welcome back to the discussion, OpheliaJoy. Sorry to hear about the rough time you have been having. I will be praying that all goes well with your appt today!
hi, all...sorry to hear about your sinus infection, Kali. Lately I have been waking up in the night with my ear hurting, but I think it is just from sleeping on it. It goes away after a while.
Sorry to hear about the birthing anxiety, Lily! I highly recommend selecting some calming music and guiding yourself through a relaxation and self-hypnosis session....and then try to work on the anxiety some...Just say to yourself something like, "Right now I may feel anxious, during birth I may feel anxious, but I know that can relax my mind and body. With each breathe I can breath out some of the anxiety. Then again I might not feel anxious during birth, and feel completely calm and at ease."
The conditional language is helpful in self-hypnosis. During the practice session you can try to explore the feelings of anxiety and think of different ways you might respond to it. Also, have you tried journaling about the anxiety? Try pin-pointing the anxiety through stream-of consciousness writing so you can then focus on the key issue and massage out the kinks in your mind....maybe even just crying over it will help release the anxiety. For me, earlier in the pregnancy, I was really anxious about my ability to raise a healthy and happy daughter (due to family history), but some good cries, filling a few blank pages with my mental ramblings, and a couple of reality-checks from DH really helped.
I have listened to the hypnobirthing track a couple times, but to be honest, I often find someone else telling me what to do really annoying and not relaxing...I think I am too self-conscious. I prefer slow belly-dance music or Indian ragas, and then I guide myself through deep relaxation and hypnosis.
AFM, 38 wks today! We have done almost everything we can. I have my birth plan done. I have sent special birth requests to doula and DH. Car is packed. ipad is ready for DS. Only things left:
Write some more to our doula, focusing on her role as sibling doula for DS.
Make birthday card for DS, so it is ready for his birthday (which is the day after my EDD).
Yesterday, I had myself psyched out a bit...I thought I was leaking water last night. One of the slow leaks. Ends up I just have a lot more extra cervical fluid now.
Feeling big, heavy and good. Sending love and hugs and prayers to all you ladies!
Sorry about the sinus infection, Kali! I didn't even know that was a pregnancy thing, but I guess I should have since I've been stuffed up with a runny nose for the last eight months. Hope you feel better soon!
Roisin, I prefer to avoid having my membranes stripped. It doesn't seem to help me any, and it does increase the risk of infection and the risk of accidentally breaking your water. I've also read that the theory behind why it works (that separating the bag of waters from the cervix stimulates the production of labor-inducing hormones) is unproven.
to everyone dealing with anxiety and trying to figure out hypnobabies and all that. I hope you are able to relax!
Regarding the whole, "you're not dilating; you need Pitocin" thing, I know they can't make me do it, it's just a fight I prefer to avoid. I already know that I tend to dilate awkwardly (at least compared to the ridiculous notion that every woman progresses steadily at a rate of 1 cm per hour), and someone ALWAYS ends up "helpfully suggesting" that my body doesn't work properly and I need Pitocin to give birth (and then, SURPRISE, I don't!). I also want to avoid cervical checks as much as possible (I'm hoping to limit it to just the one to get admitted, but I may have to compromise on one more when I'm ready to push). But at the same time, I did have that one really fast, intense labor, and the contractions I had the other night felt like THAT. I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was holding back tears with every one, and a part of me was starting to get scared that I was about to have another 45 minute labor. I didn't tell DH, because another part of me just didn't believe it was possible that I could actually be in labor at 36 weeks (and that part was right). So, all of that is combining to make me a little afraid that I will think, "OMG, this is it, we need to HURRY!" and be in the hospital thinking that this is IT for some extended period of time (because if things petered out right away, I WOULD just go home), and then after several hours be trying to fight off all of those friendly suggestions to "help" me while trying to figure out if I was ever in labor at all, if I need to go home, or if I should wait it out and baby will be here in another couple of hours, if something IS actually wrong, or what. That just sounds like a worst case scenario to me. UGH.
OK, one more thing. This is a strange one, at least for me, and a little bit TMI. Anybody else have trouble going potty? I don't mean that I'm constipated -- actually, it seems like things are clearing out -- but whenever I need to poop, if I have to bear down even a little bit, it feels BAD. Like, it doesn't hurt, it just feels wrong and like I should not do it. It's hard to explain. What on earth could that mean???
Michelle, I think we forget about all the end of pregnancy body wonkiness! I think pooping feels awkward now as well.
Yuck to sinus infections, I'm sorry Kali. Though I'm glad when those things come up now and not at 40 weeks! Same with the anxiety...I think it's common as birth is approaching, but I know for me I get to a place of surrender and resignation before I go into labor, so it helps me let the anxiety roll off me to remember that.
I had the MOST wonderful baby shower on Sunday. We played three really fun games- 1. Each person got a name of a famous mother (mother goose, mother theresa, mother mary, eve, princess kate, etc) put on their back and they have to ask the other party-goers yes or no questions until they guess who it is. Then all the guessed names go into a pot and one is drawn for a prize. 2. the clothespin game- each person gets a clothespin and if you see someone crossing their legs you can take theirs. Person with the most wins a prize. 3. memory game of tray of baby things. I swear I have the most creative, fun, intelligent, beautiful, generous friends and I don't know how I am so lucky! And the gifts!! Wow. It's my birthday today too so there were some gifts for me and some for baby. Gift certificates for facial, massage, 3 hours of house cleaning...all so awesome. And the baby was really showered with everything else we needed. My mom was amazing, I can't even begin to list all the things she got for us- pretty much she's just incredible. And now she's baking me a cake on this mellow late Autumn day.
When I got home from the shower I put on my Baby K'tan (love it!) and put in a heavy baby doll...carried it around for an hour, gave husband a good scare when he got home ("Look honey, I had the baby!"), and I remembered how sweet it is to carry the baby like that, sniffing and kissing its head. And something clicked about how there's a baby coming!! And now I'm so excited!!!!!!
Yay! Jenny! Congratulations on the awesome shower!
I really want a Baby K'tan this time around....DH placed it on my baby registry, but since we are not having a baby shower I am not sure how to spread the word about the baby registry, unless someone specifically asks. I am trying to send out vibes to the universe...."bring me a baby k'tan! I want to snuggle with my baby up on my chest!"
Michelle, no worries about TMI around here! I have also been having the "clearing out." But it hasn't felt bad. I am sorry if I missed it, but has your baby dropped. Is the head putting pressure down there? Any chance of hemorrhoids?