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What did you give up to SAHM? - Page 2

post #21 of 38

About $90k a year, a rewarding job where I was appreciated, being able to talk uninterrupted with my hubby during the drive to work, grown-up conversations that didn't revolve around kids, a chance to put my degrees to use....

 

Honestly, I had to think really hard to come up with that list, because if someone were to ask me that question, "nothing" is what immediately pops into my head. What did I gain? Unhurried snuggle time with my kids, watching them grow and learn and be silly, helping them navigate life's daily challenges....Obviously I didn't give up anything worth trading.

post #22 of 38

I think we are living parallel lives!  I made more $$, but had a miserable commute, in a job that had previously been amazing, until the proverbial poo hit the fan, our CEO left, my boss left 2 weeks after I returned from Maternity Leave, and then the other guy in my department left 3 weeks later.  I was left with a team of only temps, a new (purposefully childless) boss in Europe, to run the show, with no extra $$.  

 

So, I gave up a mid 100's salary, 4 hours of driving every day, 10-12 hours of work every day, and the risk of ruining my marriage.  Hubby got a promotion, I crunched the numbers, and then on my 5 year anniversary told them they had 2 more weeks of me.  

 

What I got in return: immeasurable amounts of joy from watching my DD blossom before my eyes; my marriage back; my health; as DD got a little older, I got to do crafting again; learning what true love and patience really means.  

 

We can no longer take 3 expensive vacations, or buy a new car every 2 years.  We can no longer have an unlimited Christmas budget.  I use a calculator at the grocery store, and we don't have cable TV.  But what would any of that matter if I didn't have my family? 

post #23 of 38
<3 how this thread is turning out
post #24 of 38
Money; very little saving is possible now without the 100k I used to make. Which means our retirement will not meet our needs. So comfort now, and later, was lost.

Using that work part of my brain; literally a certain type of thinking that doesn't get used ever in home life.

For what was lost by motherhood, my illusions about myself. Being a mom has pinned me to the mirror and made any unfunctioning personality facets baldly visible, troublesome, and unignorable. Work, social time, and fun let me leave off seeing myself most of the time; now I see myself and all other parent friends for that matter, much more as we truly are...some are better people than I imagined, and in my case less of a good person than I hoped. THAT is a bummer to live with every day, no escaping it.
post #25 of 38
My baby is 4.5 months old and has been in daycare since 8 weeks. I just gave up my job which requires a masters degree (nurse practitioner in a public school) for a job that only requires a associates degree so that I could work 2 nights a week from home (phone triage) so I can be a quasi sahm. I'll still make decent pay, but I'm worried that I'll lose my assessment skills. My new job is the closest thing I'll ever have as a sahm. My husband just doesn't make enough for me to not work. It seems that with the high prices of food, utilities, housing that it would take an income of $80k for one partner in order for the other not to work.

I've given up happy hours, girls nights out, some friendships, being able to buy a new car, being able to go on vacations, being able to buy nice clothes, I haven't had a hair cut/ color in 6 months, we need new furniture.... the list goes on and on.
post #26 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleCapucine View Post

For what was lost by motherhood, my illusions about myself. Being a mom has pinned me to the mirror and made any unfunctioning personality facets baldly visible, troublesome, and unignorable. Work, social time, and fun let me leave off seeing myself most of the time; now I see myself and all other parent friends for that matter, much more as we truly are...some are better people than I imagined, and in my case less of a good person than I hoped. THAT is a bummer to live with every day, no escaping it.

 

I can really relate to this.  Well put, LIttleCapucine. 

post #27 of 38
Wow! What were some of your careers that you were making $100k+ per year? I think I picked the wrong profession... 10 years of college and still was making $75k a year... Guess that's what I get for sticking with non-profits! Lol
post #28 of 38

I feel like I gave up my career twice. I was an RN working 12+ hour shifts prior to DD1 being born. I had intended to work just 2 shifts a month to keep my foot in the door but she was so insanely high needs that I just ended up quitting. I eventually took some courses, volunteered heavily for years, sat for my IBCLC, and went back to work part time running my own health program as a IBCLC/RN. I loved it. It was just enough to give me something outside my life at home with kids but not enough that I felt like I was missing out. We ended up with the "bonus" fourth child and then my third child went on to have more extensive special needs than my first two had (they have their own varying SNs as well). I ended up having no choice but to quit once more. I spent most of my days driving to therapies or traveling other cities for medical care like I am doing right now for two weeks, again. 

 

 

I love picking my kids up from school every day, doing the dance, gymnastics run around, walking them into their classroom every day. Those are the the things I cherish. It is all worth it. They grow up too fast. Now that I have 13 year olds hanging out at my house and realizing that I don't have that much longer left with my oldest at home. :dizzyI wish I wouldn't of had to entirely lose myself in the process. Only part of that is being a SAHM, other parts are having four children, and then special needs. I look in the mirror and even I don't know myself, there is no time for that. Someday though...

post #29 of 38

Credibility with working adults. 

post #30 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by JNajla View Post

Wow! What were some of your careers that you were making $100k+ per year? I think I picked the wrong profession... 10 years of college and still was making $75k a year... Guess that's what I get for sticking with non-profits! Lol


Yeah, I know. Me too.  I've got a Master's Certification and I've never made more than $10,000 a year.  Of course, I have done so much Pro Bono as well as volunteer work and working for non profits that I probably could have made more (nowhere near 100 Grand) but since I got pregnant with my first 28 years ago, I've either been home full time (part of that time with a small home business) or worked part time. I cant' say no to a new mom who needs help. So, for us, the money I could have made is a concept I can't really visualize.

post #31 of 38
Hi! I decided to finish my residency in Internal Medicine, then take a break. That "break" is currently in progress. We moved to Norway, where I was able to have my other baby and have full health care and education rights. I am a SAHM and full time student. I get to expose my kids to an amazing culture and new language! I'm learning Norwegian and my education has been approved by the government in Norway. Therefore, I will start working soon as a doctor.
post #32 of 38
I am a new SAHM. I worked minimal wage jobs to support my son and I. I was in school but I did terrible at it. I loved it, just too much at home to focus on school. I wasn't even I'm the field of study I wanted to be in! I lost most of my friends when I had my son and the ones that stuck around are understanding. I don't socialize that often so staying home wasn't that big of a leap.
I met my fiancé and it just all fell into place that it would be better for me to stay at home. We are tighter then we would like to be on money but we make it work. Really it would cost more in gas to get me to any job then I would probably make at said job.
I find myself appreciating those little things more. If my fiancé does take me out it feels more special in a way. My son is in kindergarten so I have the house to myself to clean and organize to my hearts content. The family eats at regular times which never happened before I stayed home and we spend a ton of family time together because we have the time.
I don't feel like I lost anything when I choose to stay home. I only gained what I always wanted <3
post #33 of 38

I gave up 2 years experience in a promising career, a retirement plan, let myself get behind so that I would not be hirable in that field if I wanted to return to it, and our income was cut in half. Was it worth it? YES! We struggled and scrimped and saved. But I felt lucky to be a SAHM.

 

I did go back to school and I started a new career as a nurse when my youngest entered Kindergarten. I wish sometimes I was still a SAHM but we need to supplement the income as the girls get older and their needs are more costly. Also we need to start saving for the future and not living paycheck to paycheck. I recently went part time and took a hit, but now I feel more % mom than I do a nurse, and that makes me feel like I've found a good balance.

post #34 of 38
I quit my job after my third baby. I taught for 9 years and was an aide before that. I don't feel I gave up anything though. We don't make as much money as we did before but we are happy.
post #35 of 38

Honestly...nothing. Growing up I didn't have a passion for anything except being a stay at home mom. I never knew what I wanted to do career wise. Which sounds depressing at first but reality my husband and kids inspired me and I started to grow a passion for things. Now I wasn't always optimistic and I never fully understood how awesome my life actually is. I definitely had a depressing moment when I was 21/22. I never finished college, I didn't have a career plan, I didn't have any mommy friends or anyone I could relate to. I felt like a loser basically. But I got out of that and found many reasons to be happy and created reasons to be happy instead of feeling sorry for myself.

post #36 of 38
I agree with the poster above about the " nothing " part and actually I have been wanting to reply to this thread because I have really been thinking about this question. I gave up nothing but gained a deeper understanding for love an compassion from my 2 year old everyday that I am with him. Since I have become a mother I have become a better person so in a sense I did not give up anything.
post #37 of 38

I gave up grown-up credibility points with the kind of people who think working for wages is the only way to earn grown-up credibility. Small sacrifice indeed :D

post #38 of 38
I'm not really a SAHM. DH and I tag team so I work PT at night, he works days...but I can't really think of much other than the obvious less money coming in for now.

Honestly, the choice to care for my Mom and DH's Grandmother has involved giving up much more than choosing to have one of us available for the kids at all times. Travel is impossible now and even day trips involve lining up several caregivers. Children we can take with us, elders that aren't mobile require funds we just don't have.
I don't regret that choice either though; both are very much worth it. smile.gif
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