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Can you die from losing too much blood during a m/c? - Page 2

post #21 of 37
Thread Starter 

You mamas are so sweet. Well, it isn't good news for the baby, but I am feeling relief along with the sadness. Six days of bleeding and uncertainty has left me drained.

 

I went for the u/s and they tried the abdominal scan and couldn't see anything so did a vaginal. I expressed my concern of anything coming near my cervix and she insisted it wouldn't (but how can it not?? That "wand" is enormous!) She kept looking around and she never typed anything about a pregnancy - just ovaries, uterus, etc. it started to get a bit pinchy and uncomfortable, like she was pushing on my cervix and then she was finished. She said I could get dressed and speak with the doctor. I went in the bathroom and used the toilet and something slipped out. I went back into the u/s room and took a latex glove and reached into the toilet to retrieve it. Definitely not a clot this time. I wrapped it up in a paper towel and got dressed. I knew the instant I saw it what it was and I was so flooded with relief. I think the prodding around dislodged the sac/embryo and allowed it to come out.

 

I went in to the doctor's office and he was like a robot spewing memorized lines from a textbook. So cold. I showed him the embryo and he said "I'll take it into the dirty utility room and look at it." He looked at me like I had two heads. When he brought it back he said "We didn't see anything in your uterus." And I said "Well where was that?" and he said it was probably in my vagina. I think I would have known if something like that was in my vagina. I hate seeing men for female stuff. "Sorry for your loss" with zero emotion in his voice and out I went.

 

I started the car and the Stones were playing 'You Can't Always Get What You Want':

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need"

 

And I thought "What do I want?" "Is this what I needed?"

 

I drove straight to my mw who was going to give me a script for follow up blood work. I showed he the embryo and my u/s picture from Friday and she said "I think this (embryonic sac) is what was in there (embryonic sac in uterus.)" She asked if I wanted to take it with me and I said no, but I knew instantly that I would wish I had buried it in the garden or something. I also knew my hormones were dropping rapidly and I would soon be senseless with emotion.

 

Off I went to the lab for a blood draw. Hoping the HCG is dropping so I can be finished with this.

 

And finally, off I went for my final CSA pick up where three different people brought up pregnancy or babies to me. One asked if I had four or five children and I had to pause before answering.

 

I got home and snuggled my almost-3-yr-old for a good three hours while he nursed and fell asleep in my arms.

I really feel for the mamas who m/c and don't have any small children at home to love on. Snuggling my little guy has made this a billion times easier. I've found myself staring at my other children and feeling my heart filled with love for them. I don't know what one would do with nobody to pour that extra love on and my heart truly goes out to those of you.

 

I held it together through dinner and even cleaned up the kitchen afterward. I knew I was pushing it because the bleeding was picking up and I was beginning to feel dizzy with exhaustion (I had been up since 4:30am.) I laid down and the tears barely waiting for my head to hit the pillow. I knew I'd have a headache from the crying. I don't know that I had any specific reason for the sadness - a bit of guilt for feeling ambivalent these past few weeks, feeling sorry for myself for having to deal with the uncertainty these past six days, wondering if I did something to cause it, etc. etc.

I'm upset and feeling let down by DH who I feel should have been more supportive. I ran around bleeding to all of those appointments on Friday all by myself and yesterday, all by myself. he'd ask me about things like "Did you order the turkey yet? Don't you want a turkey for Thanksgiving?" and I thought, what an a-hole, doesn't he realize there's one thing and one thing only on my mind?? And the fear of my body not completing what it needed to and having to go to the hospital. I think my adrenal function is probably half what it was 6 weeks ago.

 

In the end, none of it physically hurt. I had mild contractions here and there and some lower back pain, but no real pain. Nothing even close to the discomfort of a period - and my periods aren't even too bad.

 

My initial feeling during all of this was "I NEVER want to do any of this again - done with having babies." And then as soon as I drove away after losing the baby it turned to "How soon can I get pregnant again?" Can I do all of the detoxing and healing I've wanted to do and still have time to have a baby? And I realized that nothing was going to be logical at that point and I just needed to be.

 

Hugs to all of you who've suffered a loss and hugs to all of you still carrying your beautiful babies who have been so supportive. :grouphug

 

Best wishes for happy, healthy babies in June!

 

Love,

 

Meta

 

post #22 of 37
I completely understand SO much of what you've described. I very clearly remember saying on the way to the hospital when I was gushing blood "I don't ever want to do this again. I'm done having babies." and I too was so thankful for my smallest to love on as I healed. And it just killed me that everyone else's life went on and I was in this totally different world of grief.

Blessings and healing to you Mesa. I'm so sorry for your loss.
post #23 of 37

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Dear Meta,

My heart goes out to you.  As I sit here weeping for you, my 4yo has come to sit on my lap to wonder why I am so upset.  I told her I was sad for a mommy who lost her baby.  She asked if she could type a message to you as well (above) to console you for your loss.  I was also glad that I had her in my arms to pour my love into.  What I wish most for you is that your DH turns it around to shower you with support and love, as you deserve, during your time of healing, both emotionally and physically. 

Love and light to you, Angel Mama.

Turtlemama

post #24 of 37

Oh, Meta, I am so sorry! I had a similar experience when I went in when I had my first miscarriage. Everyone showed zero emotion and immediately asked if I wanted a D&C. My 2nd miscarriage I had earlier this year, I stayed at home and I was glad I did. I didn't know I was pregnant until I started passing tissue and clots, but it seemed to still affect me the same. I had a baby in me that had been alive and it was no more. I didn't have to tell several people I didn't know that I lost a baby I didn't know about, I didn't have to let them prod me or question me. I passed an 8 week fetus and I buried it and planted bleeding hearts over it.

 

Big big hugs:grouphug

post #25 of 37
Thread Starter 

Well, I think I have the distraction I was looking for: I think we have lice. I was brushing Dd2's hair to braid it and noticed little oval shaped things stuck to the hair shafts. gloomy.gif

 

At least I'll be busy over the next couple of weeks.

post #26 of 37

My heart aches for you.  I'm so very sorry.

post #27 of 37

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.  It's heartbreaking, always, and I think you're wise to just let yourself feel exactly what you need to feel at each moment.  Sometimes fretting about how we should be feeling makes it worse, ya know? 

 

And I'm so glad that you have your little one to hold on to.  It must be such a great comfort to you to be surrounded by your babies.  Much love, and I wish you a smooth recovery. :candle

post #28 of 37

Here's a link for treating lice. Repelling and killing. :Hug

 

http://raisingolives.com/oils/treating-lice-naturally-with-essential-oils/

post #29 of 37

After repeated bouts with lice at a summer camp that I worked at years ago, the only thing I found to work was several days in a row of mayonaise in my hair wrapped in a plastic bag with a hat on.  It suffocates them.  It is truly a  benign treatment and doesn't contribute to super-bugs.  I guess a distraction's a distraction, but what a pain in the butt.  Good luck Mama.

post #30 of 37

Did someone ask about lice in this thread? I am just wondering how it switched from the m/c to headlice? 

post #31 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by shenanegans View Post
 

Did someone ask about lice in this thread? I am just wondering how it switched from the m/c to headlice? 

Meta said that a good distraction from her miscarriage was that her daughter came home with lice.

post #32 of 37
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the hugs, mamas, and for the lice advice. I hope nobody minds that I'm still keeping up with this thread - I still get notifications in my email.

 

We've had olive oil mixed with tea tree oil and rosemary essential oil on our heads with shower caps over top since last night. We'll mix tea tree oil with shampoo and wash our hair soon and then comb through. I wish I'd done apple cider vinegar before the oil, but I didn't know. I guess we could do it later today?

 

I've been on my feet since yesterday morning and it's not good. I bled through my pad and clothing last night and have been bleeding constantly all day today but I can't stop vacuuming, washing and dealing with our five heads. I cleared our schedules and we won't be going anywhere until at least Monday. I wonder if I'll need to deal with the car if nobody's in it for that long? I can't vacuum it today because it's raining and the last thing I need is to lug that heavy vacuum outside and crawl all over the minivan.

 

It's true, the lice has been a distraction, but the physical part is not doing me any good.

post #33 of 37

So sorry things turned out this way, I wouldn't know what to do or what to expect to see with a mc at this point, I didn't realize you would actually see the sac and embryo/fetus passing out in one piece, or what to do with it to be honest, but if you can see it and bury it yourself then that may be the best thing to do I guess :candle  I hope you heal fast physically and emotionally :Hug 

post #34 of 37

I am so sorry you are going through this. What a heartache!

as for the lice, when my son got them he was only 1.5 years old! we got rid of them over a weekend by treating him with shampoo mixed with 15 drops of tea tree oil and leave it on for 15 min. then comb like crazy( with conditioner at first) I did that a few times over the weekend and then they were gone. Plus washing everything of course. Good luck! 

post #35 of 37
Thread Starter 

Hey mamas,

 

I just wanted to post a final update and wish you farewell. I finally sat down yesterday and combed Dd2's waist length hair for 3 hours straight and it was sooooo therapeutic. My bleeding slowed down a lot by the end. I feel like I've found my groove with this lice business and I think I'm on top of it.

Last night I ate 5 rare hamburgers for dinner and they tasted soooooo good. My hemoglobin was 14 on Friday when the bright red bleeding started and only down to 13.1 on Tuesday after the m/c by which point I'd lost a lot of blood - but the burgers were just what I wanted anyway. :)

I had a decent night's sleep and by morning, my bleeding had tapered down to some spotting and has stayed that way all day despite tons of laundry and vacuuming.

I'm feeling A LOT better emotionally. When I lay down at night for bed I have a few minutes to feel sad but before I know it I'm in dreamland. The more time goes by, the more I think this lice is just what I needed. :)

 

Lots of love to you all ~ enjoy those June babies!! :stillheart

 

XOXO

 

Erin

post #36 of 37

I'm so glad things are getting better, Meta. I've been eating lots of burgers lately. (homemade! SO GOOD!) Hugs and love to you, mama. 

post #37 of 37

Best wishes to you, sweet mama. <3

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