Originally Posted by Water Mama
Activa, I just wanted to say that I think you have the best attitude towards your first baby! Childbirth is beautiful and not something I think we should fear--we were designed to endure the challenge (although I know some women have had interventionists that believe otherwise.) With my son, I prepared mentally and physically for a natural birth and never let fear come into my mind. I had a very trying 21 hour labor, but not once did I let the pain overcome me. I describe it as more of a mental exhaustion from the intense focus that is required to remain relaxed and in control of the physical task for so long. It was like I was studying for a final exam for 21 hours without looking up from my textbook for a break :) I knew what I wanted from the experience and knew that no matter how challenging, it was what I was made to do as a woman and as a mother.
Now that I am pregnant with my second, I do have some reservation about getting attached to this pregnancy too soon after hearing so many stories of mc'ing. I hope that after I am in the clear from that possibility, I will embrace your attitude again and enjoy the beauty of pregnancy and birth like I did before! Thank you for inspiring me!
Thank you very much!
Fear during birth will only be a detriment to the process. One of the interesting things is people that are sleeping or drunk in car accidents have less or less severe injuries then someone that is awake and alert. Fear makes us tense up... the more tense our body is the more prone to rips/tears..etc. The more relaxed we are the easier things can flow. Not only that but if we trust our bodies and work WITH our bodies instead of against it..we can help move along the process. Not only that but I've come to learn how powerful the mind is. The placebo affect is just the tip of the iceberg... the more I learn (and the scientific community) the more awed I am... by thinking positively and opening our mind up releasing our fear and our pain it can do amazing things. (Ina May frequently had partners kiss when they got stuck and instantly their cervix would open)
That is why I highly recommend reading Ina May's book and/or watching that movie I linked...there are so many important things about birth presented...discussing the whole mind/body.
Our culture very much perpetuates this fear of child birth. Everything from the media to our family members, friends, and acquaintances. The more fear we have the more problems there will be, which will then create more fear! It's an awful cycle. People around the world do not fear birth like we do. I remember as a child/teen/young adult thinking that I didnt even want to be pregnant have a baby because I was afraid. Afraid of the pain, afraid of problems...I really didnt want to go through that. That is so sad since birthing is such a primary function of a woman, it is part of who we are, it is in our nature. It is like we are losing our own identity's as women. We must not fight it, we must embrace it.
There will always be things in life that we can't control. If we constantly worry/fear about these things we are only doing a disservice to ourselves. We create more cortisal... which can be detrimental to our health and our minds...it can lead us into depression or general ill health (you can really make yourself sick with worry). We must acknowledge these fears, and use that to do what we can that is within our control and from there we must let it go, live on, and trust.... I think this is why faith is so important for so many...it allows them to let go of their fear. I know for example how dangerous it is to drive everyday. I cannot live in fear of driving. I can acknowledge that fear, take steps to lower my risk (wear a seatbelt and drive safely) and then drive calmly. Driving around in fear is going to cause me to make mistakes whilst driving and will cause me to get in an accident! (if you ever saw my mother drive around in a snow storm you'd understand what I mean..full blown panic attack) We must not let our fears own us.
I too fear a miscarriage. It is not something I focus on or let myself worry about on a day to day basis. There is nothing I can do. I can take some steps to prepare myself by not letting every single person I know know about this pregnancy, and by not getting too attached to the baby until the risk is significantly lower. Once this high risk time is over I do plan on fully embracing this pregnancy and begin bonding with this beautiful baby growing inside of me.. at almost 10 weeks I am starting to get to that place. Of course I could still end up with a late miscarriage/still birth etc... but the chances are low and the risks that would occur if I choose not to bond with the baby would be far higher. So I make that decision and then let go of the fear...free it from myself.