Hope I am posting in the correct area. I need to voice my feelings and get some perspective re a situation I am very upset about.
My FIL passed away this past saturday. He had been in the hospital for the past week and a half, He had fallen and started bleeding internally.
My DH went to see him everyday. Then a few days later he had stroke. When we got the news I asked DH if I could go w him to the hospital. He said stay home w our 7 yr sold son. A few days later they released him and was only home one day before going back in due to more bleeding. Then we were told he was going to be put into hospice. I work and have a son to take care of so I could not go to the hospital w my DH. He did not ever ask me or say to me " I need you there". A few days later FIL got worse and I asked if I could come to see him. Dh said sure but a few minutes later called me saying his step mother said I could not come. She did not want me there. That evening I tried to talk to my DH and asked if I could go see him when she was not there. The next morning he passed away. I asked if I could go w DH he said no. That day my DH wrote the eulogy (sp?) for his father and the article for the city paper. The next morning I asked to read the article in the paper and was shocked to realize that all the family members were listed except me. I asked my husband who would do such a thing and he said his step mother said he was not to put my name in. My son was listed and every other wife except me. My husband said she was mad because I never called her. Anyways, I was shocked mostly b/c my husband was the one who wrote the article. I feel my DH should have said 'this is my wife and regardless if u don't like her she is my wife." Soon to find out I am not to attend the funeral or the wake. My DH 's response was that he was trying to avoid a scene w his SMIL. She is a horrible, cruel, vindictive person. I have never said one bad word to her. Just a little background. When I had my DS she came to my house and insulted me saying that I was lazy b/c i was holding my DS all night and my DH was cooking. Then as he got older she disregarded all my wishes re my son. I asked to not let him run around the pool when I was not there etc etc but she just laughed and disregarded my wishes. She then said my son was never going to walk or talk etc etc etc etc. She abandoned her 3 children at birth and has since reunited but talked horribly about all of them. My real MIL (DH's real mother) told me all the stories of how horrible she was throughout the years. Anyways, so my DH is obviously very distraught over the death of his father. My FIL never gave my Dh any support or reassurance. My DH just wanted to please him. The day of the wake I asked him if he could call me & let me know when SMIL was gone so I could see FIL. He did not call. I called and got angry so he reluctantly set up a time for me to go in the morning. I went w a friend. I know my DH is distraught but does that mean u can ignore your wife and allow her to be treated this way? I feel so humiliated. Our friends are shocked that this woman did this and most of all that my DH allowed it. I don't know what to do. I know he is mourning but I am very upset. Who (meaning SMIL) in there right mind would act like this at the time of someones death?? Now I am doubting my relationship w DH. I want to talk about it but I know he is mourning and don't want to get in the way. Luckily, my MIL ( his real mother) has been there and has comforted me during this. She understands as she has been the victim in this situation for years b/c she was the ex-wife. How would you feel? What would you do. I have made it clear I do not want a relationship w his SMIL after this. I see my DH has grown up leading this 2 sided life w his real mother and then the other side w his evil SMIL and father. Trying to appease both.