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I had a Miscarriage a month ago and am now 40. Is there any hope for me to have another baby...

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

I have a 2 year old and wanted another baby so he would not be the only child. I have worried over and over the reasons why I could have had my miscarriage. My 2 year old breastfeeds 2 times a day and I was afraid that caused it but my doctor said no. Then me and my husbands age as we are older I have had guilt thinking we should have tried to do things sooner. Really I wanted to start trying to have another baby when my 2 year old was only 6 months old. My husband kept telling me to wait to try until he was at least one. Well then it took us 6 months after we started trying to get pregnant. Then this happened we lost the baby when it was 9 weeks. My husband now does understand more why it was important at out age to try sooner than later after going through what we have but is it to late now? It took me longer to get pregnant with our 2 year old as well but I am so lucky to have him or I don't think we could make it through this miscarriage. I had a natural miscarriage at what would have been 13 weeks and it was not easy on my body either and I became anemic. I feel like sometimes I let life pass me by with having more kids and we dated a long period and waited so long to try after getting married. Now we can't change the past even if we want to only look to the future so that is what I am trying to do. What are my chances of having another baby at 40 and not having to take clomid or IVF? I think about this so much and I just wish we could have that last healthy baby for our 2 year old.

post #2 of 14
Welcome to the Mothering community Mother Love1! I'm very sorry about your miscarriage. They are difficult no matter your age. While you have a higher chance of having a miscarriage, having one does not necessarily signal a problem. I had one and then had a healthy pregnancy the next time I got pregnant. I was 37 at the time. The fact that you have a 2 year old is a good sign to me. I also think it would have been great if I had started trying to get pregnant when I was younger, but I wasn't ready sooner and I can't go back now. We would like to try again when DS is a year old or so. I will be 39 then. It might take a while, but I know that I have had a healthy pregnancy and baby recently and that gives me some encouragement. I would encourage you to check out the Fabulous Forty-Somethings TTC thread. I included the link below. There are lots of women there in the same boat. It might take some time, but lots of women in their forties have healthy babies. If you are considering seeing a doctor for fertility testing for you and DH, I would encourage you to do that sooner rather than later just to have more time on your side. Good luck!

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1373197/a-brand-new-year-fabulous-forty-somethings-ttc-bring-on-the-valentines-bfps-we-are-ready-and-waiting/0_30
post #3 of 14
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the reply pokeyAC. The hardest part for me is feeling like we let life go by to fast and my 2 year old may never have that brother or sister. I hold hope for the future and try to look at myself as a 20 something instead of a 40 year old. Hope things work out for you as well.

post #4 of 14
You can't turn back the clock so don't (or at least try not to) beat yourself up about any decisions you've made in the past.

Of course, you can get pg after 40. But, honestly, I wouldn't waste any more time. Personally, I would see an RE immediately. (It's highly doubtful they'll recommend Clomid). But, they may recommend IVF. It depends on you and how aggressive you're willing to be. You don't need to make any decisions today, but I would recommend getting their opinion.

Good luck whatever you decide.
post #5 of 14
The fact that you got pregnant within 6 months of trying is a pretty good sign. 6 months is actually pretty short! Miscarriages do happen more often as you get older but if you got pregnant once recently you can very likely do it again. Just because you had one miscarriage does not mean you'll have another. I'd encourage you to start trying again as soon as you are ready. If you have not gotten pregnant after 6 more cycles of trying you should go see a doctor.
post #6 of 14
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the reply Xerxella.  The thing is my husband does not really want to go with IVF. For one IVF can be expensive and we don't have the money to do that right now. For another he really does not want to go through any testing on himself or believe he could have any issue.(I guess a Man thing). My Doctor did bring up IVF, Clomid and doing some blood work to run some tests. She wants me to come back in March if nothing happens and talk with me about other options or doing the testing. I never wanted to  be in this position but I'm thankful for the one baby boy I have. I really don't know what is best but I know time is not on my side. I also know if I stress out about it I think it could hurt my chances of getting pregnant. Thanks for your advice.

post #7 of 14
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the reply Sourire. I thank you for your encouragement and giving the advice. It took us 2 years to get pregnant with our little boy and 6 months with this miscarriage. A big difference so I hope no more than 6 this time or really less. I just turned 40 and to tell the truth found out on my birthday the baby had died. It's hard for me to see people just have baby's over and over and not really take could care of them. They are people out there that just would love to hold a baby's hand.I feel for anyone that has fertility issues and I hope everything works out for you.

post #8 of 14

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had a similar experience (natural miscarriage at 12 weeks) and it's really difficult.

 

I hope that you'll beat the odds and go on to have a healthy pregnancy, but I have read that by age 40, 90% of a woman's eggs are genetically abnormal. This doesn't mean a 90% chance of miscarriage, though, as most of those eggs won't fertilize or implant. If you do get pregnant the miscarriage rate is about 30%. From what I understand, having had one miscarriage doesn't change your odds very much, so it doesn't mean there is no chance for you.

 

We all know women who have had healthy babies in their 40s. And there is no way of knowing if you might be one of them or not. There's no way to change the past, when we find ourselves struggling with infertility we all wish we could turn back the clock and do things differently, but we can't, and we made those choices for good reasons. Even though I now know that waiting until I was 35 to start trying was a mistake, I wasn't in a position to have kids at 25, so that would have been a bad idea too.

post #9 of 14

Mother Love 1 - I'm so sorry that you lost your little one.

 

I can appreciate what you are going through because I'm in a similar position.  I recently turned 40 and have a 3 year old.  I breastfeed him and my period didn't return until he was 2.5 - then we conceived within a couple of months but sadly I miscarried.  It was heartbreaking.  As soon as my period returned last month, we began trying again.

 

It's good to keep in mind that miscarriages occur to women of all ages - and it's more likely to be a random event that shouldn't have any bearing on your ability to get pregnant again.

 

Of course nobody knows if they will have another baby - on the other hand, plenty of women do conceive after 40 - in spite of the stats.

 

Hubs and I decided to be proactive and see a Fertility Specialist.  He has run some blood tests on me and did a semen analysis for hubs - and concluded that all looks good.  He has said that because I am ovulating, clomid is of no use and could be counter productive bb/c it can thing the uterine lining.  However he said we could try IUI with fertility shots and this would increase our chances.  Prior to doing this, he has booked me in for  a HSG (dye test) which checks for blockages in the tubes.  He said he does this prior to starting any treatment to confirm that the tubes are OK.  Interestingly - he said that there is evidence to show that the test can actually improve fertility for up to 6 months.

 

I would encourage you to see a FS pre-emptively - the reason is that by the time you get the referral, book the appointment, see the doctor, get initial testing done (some of which has to coincide with your cycle) and then return for the results and to discuss options - you've already lost 2 or 3 cycles.  So our feeling it was better to have the doctor in place so that we could have plenty of time to decide if we wish to pursue treatment.

 

I sometimes wonder what if my life had been different, what if I'd met hubs before I was 34, what if I tried to wean my son earlier so that my period returned earlier - but it's always easy to look back and think what we should have done - but at the time, you can only make decisions with where you are at in life.

 

Good luck!

post #10 of 14
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the reply RedMom. I have tried to stay very positive about all of this but there are days it can be hard. My husband does not really want to go to a FS but is willing to just try the natural route. I had to come to the reality that if it happens it does and if it does not then I will have to live with it. The hardest part for me is feeling that we took to long to do some things in our life even though we had a great relationship before we had or son. We still do have a good life together but I feel it would be best for our son not to be an only child. My husband I think is ok with another one or if not then fine. I just don't want to feel like one day my son will ask me about why he does not have sibling because I think I would break down and cry.   I know several people that only have one child that say that was what was best for them and are happy. I guess it is just a choice and dream for some people to have another for there family and child. My doctor said that probably my age increased the risk of the miscarriage but she had younger patients go through it to. I even started to wonder if because I was still breastfeeding my little boy 2 or 3 times a day that it could of done something to cause my miscarriage. You think everything when you go through something as hard as this. I'm sorry this happened to you to because I know how bad it feels and I feel bad for anyone that has to go though it. I hope the best for you and that you have the next little bundle of joy.

post #11 of 14

Motherlove 1 please don't beat yourself up that your miscarriage was due to something you did - although the chances of m/c can increase with age, the reality is that women of all ages have m/c and sadly they are very common.  With the breastfeeding, I've read countless articles which dispel the link between the 2 - and I think something must be said for the fact that if nature did regard the 2 as compatible, ovulation would not occur - and I'm sure throughout history where natural term breastfeeding (ie "extended bf") occurred, it would have been extremely common for pregnant mothers to be nursing a toddler.

 

But I do feel for you - it is stressful and heartbreaking going through this.

 

I truly wish you all the best.

 

Sometimes when I feel so overwhelmed, I just stop and breathe, and focus on whatever is in front of me, and getting through the day ahead.

post #12 of 14
Hi Mother Love 1. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you're ok. I'm 40 too and nursing a 2.5 year old who still nurses a lot. We're just about to start trying again (I'll be nearly 41). I was with my husband for 8 years before we started trying so I know what you mean about wasting time. Sometimes I get panicky and think that too. But then I wouldn't have the same son and I wouldn't be the same as a mother either. My sister got pregnant 3 times naturally between 41 and 43. She had one miscarriage first but the subsequent pregnancies were fine. So there's lots of hope. The stats are daunting but they're based on an "average" woman. There's loads you can do to increase your chances. I didn't want to waste time when trying for DS1 so went to a naturopath after just one cycle. I noticed a big difference in my cycles and was pregnant two months after starting the herbs. I'll be going back if nothing happens after a few months. I recommend Julia Indichova's book. She was diagnosed with secondary infertility and became pregnant naturally. There's loads you can do even if your husband won't see an FS. TCM? acupuncture? Supplements? Yoga? Mindfulness? Diet's definitely very important. Take heart. You can do this! smile.gif
post #13 of 14
Excellent points Jasma.

I just started seeing an Acupuncturist myself and have been reading The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis. The TCM view is that there certainly are things we can do to improve fertility.....

Good luck to all.
post #14 of 14

What I read, years ago now, is that secondary infertility in "older" mothers can show up as difficulty becoming pregnant or difficulty retaining pregnancy.  I suppose there can be both, but I guess what I am saying is I don't think miscarriages at this age are necessarily indicative of a problem, although I think a fertility specialist might be able to help with retention.  

But my mother had 3 children after 40.  I was born when she was 40, she had a child a year later at 41, and then she had 3 miscarriages before my youngest sister was born at age 45.  My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage when I was 35. I waited the requisite 3 months the doctor recommended before trying again, and then I was back on the TTC wagon, and became pregnant with my second child at 36.  

Do you notice when you are ovulating? I actually feel that the older I get, the more noticeable my ovulation becomes, and sometimes I can feel that I'm ovulating on both sides (although this is has only happened about 2 times).  I also know when I'm not ovulating, and those annovulatory periods seem to happen more now that I'm older.  In any event, best of luck to you!

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