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Notifying work of your pregnancy

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 

I am planning to notify my work in 2 weeks as I will be just about 12 weeks. I think it also works out because I'll be almost done with the current project I'm working on. I know that more notification is better than less so that they can plan out the spring/summer projects which will be done soon.

 

I work in an office (from home 4 days a week). I was originally thinking about scheduling a meeting but I have no idea what I would put as the subject and I don't want to leave him wondering until it happens! So since I have a regularly scheduled meeting with him right before lunch.. I was planning to just say "Do you have a few minutes to chat?" He shouldnt have a meeting scheduled since meetings are rarely scheduled during lunch.

 

I plan to take the full 12 weeks but be available via phone if questions come up and then I'll come back to work full-time. I pay the majority of the major bills around here so me staying home is not an option. I do plan to continue working from home but DH will be home half the day and the other half I'm planning to get a nanny (3 hours). I'm a little nervous about how my manager will feel about this. (maybe less info is better?) I really can't go into the office more since it's sooo far away (90 min each way) especially with an infant!

 

I'm wondering if I should notify HR first or my manager first?

 

Has anyone else worked in a similar environment or situation and done this before? What have been your experiences? What are your plans?

post #2 of 17

I think at first it is more like a head-up to people that you're pregnant. I would talk to your manager first, as HR doesn't really need to be involved until a few weeks before the birth in most cases. Last time I told my boss early in my first trimester because we had a good relationship and I was dealing with symptoms that were affecting my work. I let her know a month in advance that I wouldn't be returning after the baby, but I hinted at it before so it wasn't a surprise. 

 

I wouldn't say yet that you'll be available on the phone during your 12 weeks off. Do you really want to be dealing with work while you're sleep deprived and figuring out nursing? If you qualify for leave, take it. Let him know that you'll be arranging for child care so you'll still be able to work from home without distractions.

post #3 of 17

Different situation here, but still very sympathetic. I started a new job (after 2 years as a SAHM) one whole month before finding out I was pg. I work in a small business and I am the only person at this office that is qualified to do my job. I was very nervous to tell my boss (owner of the business), but I made the choice to tell him a couple of weeks ago. I was only 7 weeks then, but he happened to be in town and I wanted to tell him in person. He was a little surprised, but took it very well. I plan to only take 6-8 weeks off, and we have already discussed some possible options for temporary coverage of my position while I'm on maternity leave. He was VERY happy that I chose to tell him sooner rather than later, so he/we would have plenty of time to come up with a solution for when I'll be out of the office.

 

It sounds like you have good instincts and a pretty solid plan. Good luck!! 

post #4 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandy Lion View Post
 

I think at first it is more like a head-up to people that you're pregnant. I would talk to your manager first, as HR doesn't really need to be involved until a few weeks before the birth in most cases. Last time I told my boss early in my first trimester because we had a good relationship and I was dealing with symptoms that were affecting my work. I let her know a month in advance that I wouldn't be returning after the baby, but I hinted at it before so it wasn't a surprise. 

 

I wouldn't say yet that you'll be available on the phone during your 12 weeks off. Do you really want to be dealing with work while you're sleep deprived and figuring out nursing? If you qualify for leave, take it. Let him know that you'll be arranging for child care so you'll still be able to work from home without distractions.

I really like that wording! Thanks!

 

As for the phone calls... based on my experience at this job.... it probably wouldnt happen.. and if it did it would be very infrequent (maybe 1 or 2 calls the entire 12 weeks). I guess I'll only mention that if I see any concerns/apprehension. It's a fairly large group (20 developers) so I think they'll be able to absorb the loss just fine (but it will impact planning). Also my manager does make sure that more than one person knows the details of everything you are working on just for situations such as this.

 

grassigreener I can imagine how nervous you would be after only being there 1 month! I'm glad it seems to have worked out!

post #5 of 17

I have been thinking about this same topic over and over the past few weeks.. 

 

I am only 7 weeks, but have been really nauseous at work and am already starting to show. I work in a small office for a family with 5 other people, (3 are family members and 3 of us are not.) I have told 3 of the 5--the other two are my direct bosses, father and son. I consulted with the family daughter (one of the other people working in my office.) She told me that I should tell her dad when I am 12 weeks along, but now that I am so sick and showing, she said, just tell him after your first appointment at 9 1/2 weeks. So I will tell him in 2 weeks. I am his assistant, so I am in and out of his office all the time. I plan on asking for 3 full weeks off and another 3 weeks part-time (maybe twice a week for a couple of hours to catch up on things that need to get done sooner than later?)  The daughter said I could even bring the baby possibly, and that her dad would really like the idea of me coming in at least a few hours to check in. I also pay the bills in the office, but the CFO (whom I've told already) said that he would handle the bills for me and that I should not hire a temp to take my place. I am relieved to hear that, but I am still nervous about what my boss will say. He is pretty understanding. He knows I am a mom, and a newlywed, and I'm sure he is expecting me to get pregnant eventually.

 

I think as long as you present your situation matter-of-fact and give them reasonable options, they will appreciate your professionalism and concern, and accommodate you fairly. Good luck!

post #6 of 17

So what would you guys do if you're currently looking for a job? Would you be honest about being pregnant upon being hired or would you wait until you start showing a little more?

post #7 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Becky Wheeler View Post
 

So what would you guys do if you're currently looking for a job? Would you be honest about being pregnant upon being hired or would you wait until you start showing a little more?


That's tough. If you don't tell them then you know you wont be discriminated against for being pregnant, and then if you tell them after they hire you they can't really fire you for fear of a lawsuit (especially if it's past your probation date)..there are some woman that will take off their rings before going to an interview so they aren't discriminated against. Although if this is the type of place that wouldn't hire someone because they are pregnant, is it somewhere you would want to work (as they probably do not have a good family culture)?  Plus on the other hand you just setup some deception and dishonesty from the beginning....which means that there will be a loss of trust in a new working relationship.

 

I think it would depend a lot on the company I was looking to work for, the type of job it is, and how desperate I was. Do they have a good family culture? Do you know anyone that works there? Do you have any special qualities that can make you look more appealing even though you are pregnant? How easy/difficult is it to cover your position while you are on leave? Do you already have kids?

post #8 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Activia View Post
 


That's tough. If you don't tell them then you know you wont be discriminated against for being pregnant, and then if you tell them after they hire you they can't really fire you for fear of a lawsuit (especially if it's past your probation date)..there are some woman that will take off their rings before going to an interview so they aren't discriminated against. Although if this is the type of place that wouldn't hire someone because they are pregnant, is it somewhere you would want to work (as they probably do not have a good family culture)?  Plus on the other hand you just setup some deception and dishonesty from the beginning....which means that there will be a loss of trust in a new working relationship.

 

I think it would depend a lot on the company I was looking to work for, the type of job it is, and how desperate I was. Do they have a good family culture? Do you know anyone that works there? Do you have any special qualities that can make you look more appealing even though you are pregnant? How easy/difficult is it to cover your position while you are on leave? Do you already have kids?

I've been discriminated against while applying for work while pregnant in the past. At fast food places, as a grocery clerk. Not real laborious stuff. Not really looking for stuff in the line of work that I plan on using as a career. Just something to get me by, ya know?

post #9 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Becky Wheeler View Post
 

I've been discriminated against while applying for work while pregnant in the past. At fast food places, as a grocery clerk. Not real laborious stuff. Not really looking for stuff in the line of work that I plan on using as a career. Just something to get me by, ya know?


In that case I wouldn't tell them.

post #10 of 17

I could always wait a couple weeks to tell them and just say that I wanted to wait and make sure the pregnancy was viable before saying anything. (started applying for work, so I plan on being hired in a couple weeks)

post #11 of 17

During my 1st pregnancy, I told my immediate boss (a childless 30 something female) when I was 8 weeks because I was sobbing and crazy and wanted to explain what was going on. I didn't tell anyone else in the office until I was 15 weeks or so and starting to show. When that baby was born, I stopped working fulltime. I left the question of whether I'd be returning flexible, but I was clear that I would take the full 12 weeks' leave. This was a large government position that could handle my loss. I also worked until I was 5 days overdue to make sure I got my project to a good stopping point and made it easy for someone to take over.

 

During my 3rd pregnancy, I was working 15 hrs/week from home and told my boss when I was 7 months so they could rearrange assignments in time. I thought it was hilarious that I was enormous but no one knew because I've never met them in person. I went back with shorter hours at 4 weeks and was back to my usual hours by 8 weeks.

 

I'm still working for the same group now, with more sporadic hours. Every 3 months, I get a big deadline and I'll need to tell them in April that I can't do the June/July deadline, but since the next one won't be until Sept/Oct, I should only need to miss that one.

post #12 of 17

I'm planning on telling my boss after I'm through the first trimester.  Despite a couple of comments from him about how I seemed kind of "off" on days when my nausea was particularly bad, I've managed to keep it on the down low.  I'm 9 weeks 2 days, so just a few more weeks until I spill the beans.  I'm a lawyer and the firm I work for is medium-sized, but very family focused (except for no paid maternity leave...)  They send pictures around when people have babies, and my direct boss has 3 kids who he is totally involved with.  I think the reaction will generally be good and he'll work with me to figure out a schedule that works best for me to come back after my leave.  

 

I also make the bulk of the income in my marriage, so no SAHM for me.  However, I can remote into the office if something comes up and I need to stay home with baby.

 

I plan to take the 12 weeks off.  My state (Rhode Island) has some temporary caregiver insurance that I should be able to access for part of that time, so I'll get a portion of my income at least, plus whatever vacation time I haven't used yet for the year.

post #13 of 17

told one of my two bosses today (9w5d). we're very close, and i just couldn't handle not telling him anymore. also i want to give him as much time as possible to prepare. he seemed happy for me, but then pretty instantly very concerned. i am the director of finance and have been with the company for six years (since its inception), and i've never taken off more than a week at a time, so my absence will definitely be noticed. he almost instantly started talking about hiring someone to replace me, which concerns me because i have every intention of returning after maternity leave (i am the main breadwinner in my house). i've also been training up one of the women in my department in preparation, so hopefully it will work out that she can just take over my responsibilities while i'm gone. we're a very competitive type of company though (kind of a "eat or get eaten" situation), so i am worried that my job will just "disappear" while i'm gone and not there to remind everyone of my abilities. obviously there are laws in place so that this doesn't happen (right??), but in practice i feel like i can see it happening pretty easily.

 

in the end i just asked him if we could speak later about coming up with a more formal plan for my absence and i told him that i would really like to stay with the company afterwards. i just don't want to feel like i'm begging for my job, especially when there are a lot of things i want to change about my position after i have the baby (such as working from home one day a week, not staying late more than 1-2 times per week, etc). 

 

also he asked me to not tell my other boss or anyone else until we had figured out what we're going to do, which made me feel kind of shitty like i had some sort of terminal illness or something. i'm really excited to tell everyone and i was waiting until i had told my boss, and now i feel like he's getting to dictate when i tell everyone else at the company, which i don't like. 

 

anyway, just venting. the whole thing is very frustrating and disappointing.

post #14 of 17

I'm so sorry. :( That really sucks that you feel like you need to fight to keep your position so early in your pregnancy. Normally curveballs like these happen in the last trimester. :Hug

post #15 of 17

@amwpJC , I just told my boss today too. Depending on where you live, there are laws about not firing or discriminating because of pregnancy. I'm pretty sure that no matter where you are, if your company is larger than 5 people than they have to give you your job back or a job equal to it when you return. I'm sorry you got mixed emotions, but at least you got it off your chest and are preparing well in advance with your replacement. I told my boss that if I could have DH take care of "this" I would, and laughed a little. That way, he knows that I take my job seriously, but can't help that I am also a woman, and this is what woman have to do. 

 

AMF, I work for a small office, so I wasn't sure what they would say. They are very family friendly, so that was working in my favor. My boss did say he has mixed emotions, but he still congratulated me. We are going to discuss whether they hire a temp or just have some other co-workers take-over my responsibilities while I am gone. I suggested 3 weeks off with 3 weeks part-time (2 days a week.) My boss suggested we plan on covering for 6 weeks, and if I want to come back sooner then we can play it by ear. I can't imagine being out for 6 weeks, but I'm sure I will be happy for the time-off after the baby comes.

post #16 of 17

thanks, everyone. hopefully my boss will give me the go ahead to tell everyone at work. i hate keeping my pregnancy secret, it makes me feel like there's something bad or shameful about it. i didn't mind it before, but now that i WANT to tell everyone, it's very annoying to not be able to.

post #17 of 17
Thread Starter 

I notified my boss today and it went great! He was very supportive and said anything he can do to help me out let him know. He also said that he had an idea already *shrug*

:joy

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