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Would you send your 1-year-old on a vacation for a week with your parents but w/out you?

post #1 of 74
Thread Starter 
I have a friend with a 1-year-old boy, not sure precisely how many months old but pretty newly walking, whose grandparents (the mom's parents) want to spend time with him. They don't live near these grandparents so they found this to be a solution.

I wouldn't have been able to do it because mine were still nursing frequently at that age, but this mom is no longer nursing her baby.

Honestly, even without nursing it seems really really young, and it's during the whole separation anxiety age. On the other hand, I do understand the grandparents wanting to spend time with their little grandson. And I think that grandparent/grandchild relationship is worth nurturing.

What do you think?
post #2 of 74
It truly depends on the baby. My nieces were spending 2 weeks at a time with their grandparents by age 2, something my own girls wouldn't make it through.
post #3 of 74

Just my 2 cents, I know it would have been too young for any of my kids. My kids were all still nursing, and even the one who weaned at close to a year and a half wouldn't been happy away from Mama for a week! Babies and toddlers need their Mamas for other things than nursing!

 

My husband works with a man who is on his second marriage and his wife has a baby every year (I think they are up to 4 now all under 6) and she sends them to Lithuania for a couple of months every summer starting in late infancy. I know my DH thinks this is kind of neglectful, as she's always complaining about "how much work" her kids are. I dunno. I seems to young to me.

post #4 of 74

no. That's too young for me.   

post #5 of 74

I think it depends on the child. I wouldn't send my four-year old on a weeks vacation with her Nana and Papa who she loves dearly and sees multiple times a week, but that is because she has a high level of need for her parents still. In contrast, when I was 2-6 I spent a week with my Grandmother and Great-Grandmother every year and I was always thrilled to go and never wanted to come home. So while 1 is quite young, I can easily imagine a 1-year old who would be perfectly happy and indeed enjoy it a great deal.

post #6 of 74

now i have to register :-) ok, tell your friend, that baby until 2 years of age would really grieve for its mother. if the child is very attached to her it could take longer time to let him go alone. the result probably would be that it will fear any moment she would leave for a while like she will never come back... for further information about child´s feeling at this stage see Attachment theory by John Bowlby.

post #7 of 74

I can't believe this.. Really I felt very sorry for the littles.

post #8 of 74

If Grandma was a more frequent part of their life to begin with it might work better... being with someone relatively unknown for that period of time would be confusing and scary for some children. 

post #9 of 74

I couldn't stand it but I can see how some parents/kids could.  My son was very attached to his grandparents from birth, they live nearby and he sees them frequently, and honestly he probably would have been fine at that age for at least a few days with them.  Not sure about any longer than that though. I would be worried though in this case that the grandparents haven't spent much time with the child from what you posted here, and 1 is still too young to understand time, "we'll be back later," etc. so seems like it could be traumatic for them, and if it does go badly what's their plan then?  It's not the same as with my inlaws where I could just drive five minutes away and get him if he had a hard time.  I just couldn't do it.

post #10 of 74

I had to have surgery when DD was 15 mo and she had to stay with her grandparents for 3 days.  Being away from her was possibly the most horrible thing I ever had to endure (much worse than the surgery).  When she came home she was actually shy with me at first and it broke my heart.  While the whole experience was traumatizing to me, DD did really well with her grandparents during the day.  She cried and missed me the most at bedtime.  But overall, if the surgery wouldn't have been necessary there is no way I would have been apart from her voluntarily at that age. 

post #11 of 74

No.  Operative word being "vacation"...No.  Weaned or not it is my opinion that unless of course there is some emergency that necessitates it, one is developmentally too young to be separated from momma for that long unless absolutely necessary.

post #12 of 74

Yes I would and I did. When dd was 15 mo, she traveled with dh to see our extended family overseas. Because of my work, I could only join them two weeks later. She had a great time, was spoiled and loved by two sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles. I pumped while I she was away, and she went back to nursing when we were reunited (she self-weaned many years later).

 

I think if the child is comfortable with the adults she is entrusted to it can be a very positive experience for everyone involved.

post #13 of 74

To me this sounds like a bad idea. To a degree something like this will depend on individual kids/parents, but if this is a solution to having time with the grandkids than that would suggest the grandparents are not a regular part of this childs life. a week is a long time for a one year old, even with relatives he or she knows well. To leave a one year old with relative strangers for an entire week sounds disastrous and possibly downright cruel. How about a family vacation where mom and dad and grandparents spend a week together?

post #14 of 74

@transylvania_mom  - is your avatar photo from Sighisoara by any chance? 

 

When I was little, I was raised mostly by my grandparents (now I don't remember the exact age when it started), as both my parents were working full-time jobs. I'd sometimes not see my parents for days and would spend weeks on end on summer vacations just with my grandparents. Same with my younger brother. While I'm sure we missed our parents (I can't remember that too much), I think we mostly missed our grandparents when the time came to go back home. We actually had "reversed separation anxiety." I remember that when I turned 7 years old and had to start school, I could no longer spend extended periods of time with my grandparents, so had to move back in with my parents permanently. I cried so much for days that I can't live without grandma, to the point that she had to move in with us for a while. 

 

While I wouldn't recommend it for 1 year olds, for toddlers and kindergarten kids I think it's actually a positive experience. My parents were both so busy making a living. We couldn't afford a nanny, nor did any nannies exist where I grew up. My grandmother was an educated retired woman with a lot of time on her hands, who took me to museums, to parks, to the library, read me books, taught me how to read and write, taught me basic vocabulary in 3 different languages and all that before starting school. 

 

Of course this is different from family to family, but in some parts of the world it is normal to leave your child for extended periods of time with the grandparents. 

post #15 of 74

Me personally??? HECK NO.

post #16 of 74

As a grandmother I wouldn't want my grandchilren to do this. If I couldn't go vist them or they couldn't come vist me with their mother then I would wait until they were older. I'm in this situation right now and haven't seen my 2 year old grandson in over a year. 

post #17 of 74

I actually have heard that child development experts think a child should not be separated for extended periods from their mother's until 3 years old.

I don't have any family that we could leave our kids with anyway so my 6 and 10 year old haven't been without me except for an occasional sleepover at a friends. I wouldn't if I could though until about 5 personally.

post #18 of 74

no way...I would not be able to do it.  I would not send my 6 & 10 yr olds away for a wk anywhere with anyone....call me over protective but I think little ones should be with their momma!!!

post #19 of 74
No, I wouldn't do it (emergencies are different of course). One is too young for either of my babies to have spent that long away from me (or their dad) and be ok with it, even with people they know well.

I agree that the grandparent relationship is important but if we couldn't travel and they couldn't travel then it would have to wait.

ETA - and indeed that is what we did for the first year and a half of my oldest DD's life. We or my parents travelled to see each other. And then they moved 5 minutes away for which we are extremely grateful and feel very blessed.
post #20 of 74

Not to be rude- but it is not your child and you don't know the grandparents and their level of nurturance and the mother has already stopped nursing, why is it anyone else's business.  I nurse my kids 'til two and their grandparents aren't suited for this type of vacation, but I know plenty of kids that are as comfortable with their grandparents as they are with their parents.  In light of all the real problems children face, this seems to be a perfectly healthy choice for many families.  

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