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Would you send your 1-year-old on a vacation for a week with your parents but w/out you? - Page 4

post #61 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by transylvania_mom View Post
 

Just to add to my previous reply...

 

Now that she's almost 5, she and her older brother will be spending the whole summer vacation at GP. She CAN'T WAIT! She makes plans with her grandma on the phone. Sure she will miss us. Maybe she'll even cry. But I'm sure she'll make memories that will last for a lifetime. We can't afford to send them over every summer... it's very expensive. It would be much easier (and cheaper) for me to keep them here. But I had amazing childhood experiences at my grandmother's and I love her dearly. I want to give my children the gift of time spend with their grandparents.

 

I can so totally relate to this!! :) So glad you're doing this, I'm sure they will love it there! 

 

Side Note: 

Have you read Ciresarii? http://www.goodreads.com/series/59940-ciresarii or Amintiri din Copilarie? http://ro.wikisource.org/wiki/Amintiri_din_copil%C4%83rie 

 

It's the kind of childhood I had and would really hope for my children to have the chance to have similar experiences, although that may be hard if not impossible. 

post #62 of 74
My good Christ why do you care what people choose to do in their families?! You are just stirring up controversy.
Did your parents leave you when you were young? Would you have even remembered if they did?
post #63 of 74
I think my generation is WAY WAY too paranoid. I love my kids just like anyone else but I can attach with them and detach when there are other things. I find us to have a fantastic dynamic!
post #64 of 74
Attachment Parenting has nothing to do with being "paranoid." Paranoia is the irrational fear that others are talking about you and plotting against you.

Mothering Dot Com is a place to discuss how many of us want to parent in as optimal ways possible.

What difference does it make how my parents parented. They were not attachment parents I was hit as a child, I was left to cry in my crib alone, my own mother never took a minute to reflect on her parenting and only did what was convienient for her. I have put a lot of thought into the way I mother do a lot of research and am trying to mimdfully parent in ways my own mother would never have bothered.

Many of us want to do the best we can and sometimes that means mothering VERY differently than we were parented ourselves.

This thread asks what WE would do in this situation and many parents, including most Attachment Parents msy choose to NOT leave a child this young for this extended period of time.

Paranoia has nothing to do with making choices that many of us feel enhance and promote attachment.
post #65 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilvioletmom View Post

My good Christ why do you care what people choose to do in their families?!  
 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieLC View Post


Mothering Dot Com is a place to discuss how many of us want to parent in as optimal ways possible.
 
This is a bit OT but I do often wonder why my and other's motivations are to talk about this sort of thing. Lilviolet, I think to understand why someone would want to talk about this you only need to try to understand why you may want to talk about why someone would want to talk about this. Sometimes what makes others tick is interesting to us. The OP seemed to me to want to talk about balancing sacrifices we make for attachment and relationships with extended families. We should all be lucky enough to grapple with these issues, I think. 
 
I also think that the the whys of talking online vary for people. Maggie wants to talk about parenting optimally. I think that's the motivation for a lot of members. Being the "best parent I can be" has never been a focus of mine, however. I tend to parent by instinct and then try to see if I can find some confirmation that how I want to parent isn't going to damage my kids. ;-)  
 
One of my favorite signature lines from way back in the day was, "All I have to do is not mess them up for life."  
 
It really is a "takes all kinds" type of community and there are all sorts of conversations that are not in the least bit interesting to me. For some reason the "mommy wars" type threads that get sort of philosophical about how we related to one another have always held my interest and so I participate when I feel like it. 
 
I hope that clears things up. Welcome to MDC!! 
post #66 of 74

What's wrong with a thread where people share their perspectives on what they would do and why? Asking what decisions other people would make doesn't have to equate to stirring up controversy. It's pretty much the point of a message board, in fact. 

post #67 of 74
I'm always interested in why people do what they do and how they think. Often when do done makes a voice that seems well outside of my comfort zone, I wonder if I'm the weirdo ;-). One good way to find out what other people think is to ask.
post #68 of 74
No way. One is too little to be without your mama for a whole week. And I was still nursing mine at that age as well.
post #69 of 74
For me personally, I have left a 2.5 year old with grandma for a week, but in our house, while dh and I went away. They had the comforts of each other and their familiar routine. They did not know grandma all that well, but everyone did fine. But I still wouldn't let them away from our home unless grandmas house was like a second home to them - which it isn't. They're 5 and 6 now and I still wouldn't be comfortable. But that's strictly my family.
post #70 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaggieLC View Post

Many of us want to do the best we can and sometimes that means mothering VERY differently than we were parented ourselves.
 

I know I said earlier on my main reason was still breastfeeding...but this  :yeah ...that's huge and an entirely different issue from a baby needing the mommy comfort.  I parent different from my parents because I don't love all the things that they did.....the yelling, grounding, spanking, demanding....all the things that didn't sit well with me as a kid and certainly don't as an adult.  I couldn't put my child in a situation where someone else, with very different parenting styles, was in charge of discipline, morale and overall controlling the behavioral outcome of my child.  Both my parents and my IL's are vastly different from me and not until DD is old enough to express her concerns and explain emotions and have a conversation with me about how different people react and parent differently, will she be allowed to travel with anyone but myself and DH.  As it is my FIL watches her 4-5 hours a day while I'm at work part time and I see the effect he has on her and I don't love it at all.  Definitely not paranoid.  Very aware and educated.

post #71 of 74

Yes, I would, if I had to. We brought our kids to their grandparents for almost that long when they were babies so we could go on vacation. My husband's job sent him on a 5 day trip once a year, spouses included. We took advantage of that! They did fine.

post #72 of 74

I remember loving spending time with my grandmother as a small child and on to adulthood. We had a very special relationship. My granddaughter has been shaving sleepovers since she stopped breastfeeding at 18 months. The question I would ask is how well the baby knows his grandparents and how comfortable he is with them. Also the grandparents would have to have a good idea of the baby's routines and personality. No doubt the parents have things all worked out.

One of the problems children face today is that they have lost their place in their extended families through divorce and distance. The extended family was/is a great thing. It helps children know who they are and were they come from. This is healthy for their mental health. At its best it provides lots of love, attention  and belonging. It protects mothers from post natal depression and from domestic violence, and provides free child care. 

post #73 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrannyH View Post
 

I remember loving spending time with my grandmother as a small child and on to adulthood. We had a very special relationship. My granddaughter has been shaving sleepovers since she stopped breastfeeding at 18 months. The question I would ask is how well the baby knows his grandparents and how comfortable he is with them. Also the grandparents would have to have a good idea of the baby's routines and personality. No doubt the parents have things all worked out.

One of the problems children face today is that they have lost their place in their extended families through divorce and distance. The extended family was/is a great thing. It helps children know who they are and were they come from. This is healthy for their mental health. At its best it provides lots of love, attention  and belonging. It protects mothers from post natal depression and from domestic violence, and provides free child care. 

 

Thank you so much for this wonderful post!  I could not have said it better. 

post #74 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrannyH View Post
 

I remember loving spending time with my grandmother as a small child and on to adulthood. We had a very special relationship. My granddaughter has been shaving sleepovers since she stopped breastfeeding at 18 months. The question I would ask is how well the baby knows his grandparents and how comfortable he is with them. Also the grandparents would have to have a good idea of the baby's routines and personality. No doubt the parents have things all worked out.

One of the problems children face today is that they have lost their place in their extended families through divorce and distance. The extended family was/is a great thing. It helps children know who they are and were they come from. This is healthy for their mental health. At its best it provides lots of love, attention  and belonging. It protects mothers from post natal depression and from domestic violence, and provides free child care. 

I agree with everything you say. However, we are talking about a one year old, and a whole week long. How about spending less time, and a little older, and build up? It isnt one or the other, and i think everyone agrees that a relationship with the grandparents is important. I particularly agree with  your emphasis on the importance of extended family.

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