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Just need to whine for a minute

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

DS, 14, has significant depression and anxiety issues, plus ADD.  All of this shows up much more at school than at home.  He really dislikes school and is very anxious about it.  Which I understand.  He's not doing at all well this year, which I also understand.  He missed almost a month in October due to hospitalization/partial hospitalization program for rage episodes/depression.  He's been sitting in the VP's office all day begging to come home because of being stressed.  But if I bring him home today, I'm very afraid that he wont' be able to get through tomorrow and so forth.  Plus every day he is out of class he falls further behind, making this a very vicious cycle. He had a test today and an oral presentation, both of which I don't think he was ready for and I'm sure that is making this worse AND making him want to leave school more.  It's emotionally draining to sit here and respond to texts every few minutes with encouragement and reassurance that he is stronger than he thinks and he can manage this. 


I can't homeschool because he's not safe at home alone and I need to work FT.  Besides, he won't do his homework for his teachers and any time I try to coach him on anything it ends up with his exploding or melting down and I simply cannot face that each day without melting down myself.  The district does not have any charter schools.  Private schools trap us in the "too much money for financial aid / too little to afford tuition", and I'm not even sure there are any that would suit him anyway.


I feel trapped, emotionally and physically exhausted, guilty that I can't deal with this better, angry at him for making me feel this way and then guilty about that...

So thank you for listening and I guess I'd better at least try to get something done at the office today.

post #2 of 8
I can understand why you feel overwhelmed. And I can relate to your vicious cycle fear of keeping him home or letting him come home early. Does he see a counsellor outside of school who may be a support person for him? Is the school counsellor any help in developing some strategies for him to deal with his situation?
post #3 of 8
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom View Post

I feel trapped, emotionally and physically exhausted, guilty that I can't deal with this better, angry at him for making me feel this way and then guilty about that...

So thank you for listening and I guess I'd better at least try to get something done at the office today.



Couldn't read and not respond. I'm so sorry, mama! Not advice but I will send out some wishes for this to be a distant memory that you and your son look back on and remember for the benefit of overcoming challenges. 

post #4 of 8

Have you considered posting in special needs to see if you can get some advice/support from other families with children struggling with anxiety/depression? 

post #5 of 8

is he in therapy? that should be big.


i feel your pain mama. i just pulled my middle schooler out to homeschool her through a charter school. she has been suicidal for almost a year. we have been working on her school issues for the past two years. changed schools. changed curriculum. by her first semester in 6th grade everyone noticed how 'off' dd was. i pulled dd and i take her to work with me (caregiving). i sure hope with all his rage issues he has a therapist to talk to. 


is he in high school? or almost end of middle school? can he do independent schooling? how about independent schooling at a facility. can you look if you have that in your area. 


can he be in some sort of care where he has access to the internet. can someone watch him? 


do you need to teach him? can he study on his own? some kids do their own studying during middle school and then the parents oversee their work. 


also just so you know at least 50% of middle school if not more is actually seeing a therapist i was informed by two school psychologist in our area. what they said is many, many kids need therapy around middle school - some get it and some dont. 


while talking at the office i learnt our school loses a number of kids to homeschooling between 5th and 6th grades and more to other kids of schooling. 

post #6 of 8
What kind of support is the school willing to offer? Can he go to the resource room when he is worked up to get away from what is causing him anxiety? I would be livid if the school's answer to anxiety due to not doing work was to allow my child to text me continuously while sitting in the office all day
Dd is a few years younger though so maybe this isn't a good response, but I would expect the school to use the RTI process to figure out how to help my child if there is something wrong that prevents them from even making it through the day.
post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the support -- sometimes you just need someone to say "there there" and/or "you are not alone".  I appreciate it -- its been a very hard couple of months.


Just to make sure you all know that we are working on all sorts of things -- he has a therapist, takes anxiety/depression medication, and participates in a boys social skills group.  He's in the final year of middle school.  We have a 504 plan at the school, and we happened to have a meeting yesterday to work out accommodation details for this year.  He is allowed/encouraged to go to the office to meet with the counselor (if there is one that day -- there are 3 councelors working across 2 middle schools with a total of almost 3,000 kids between the schools--I hate budget cuts!) or the vice principal.  Usually that only takes a period or so before he is calm enough to go back to his day.  Yesterday was a fluke and mostly he stayed in the office because the VP didn't think he was actually remain on campus if he wasn't that closely supervised and both he and I agreed that it wasn't safe to have him home alone.  Neither DH or I could take the day off since we've both missed huge chunks of work in the last couple of months due to these issues.


There is an independent/home school option here, but it would mean having him home alone all day.  Which scares me because I'm not sure what he would do home alone that much.  He really needs to work on social skills, perhaps more than academics even.  Left to his own devices, based on other days we've tried this, he would never actually do independent work assigned without major, um, "encouragement" from a parent.  I doubt that spending the day playing minecraft alone at home would be a good answer, and I'm pretty sure that is what would happen. 


I'm sure it will get better as we are transitioning to some new meds and working with a tutor to get him caught up with schoolwork, so hopefully that will take away the stress of being behind at the moment. 


I keep hearing that teen boys are easier than teen girls.  I really hope that isn't true in our case because I can't image things being even worse with our DD -- who is 10 going on 16 at the moment.  But, today is another day and I'm hoping for the best.  Thanks again for listening to me whine.

post #8 of 8

@Evan&Anna's_Mom :Hug My 13 year old DS has anxiety, ADHD and learning disabilities (he has sensory issues too). In 6th grade, school was just too much and we were able to put him on Hospital Home Bound instruction. A certified teacher from the school district came to our house everyday and provided one on one instruction. All we needed was for DS's psychiatrist to fill out the hospital home bound paperwork from the school. Social skills are a deficit for my DS too but we have tried private groups instead of school groups. Currently my DS attends a private school program but the school district pays the tuition. Do you think there could be more going on with your DS than he is able to articulate? When was the last time he has a complete evaluation? I often see rage/depression as a behavior manifestation in a child who is not getting what he needs and not thriving in his environment. Maybe he needs an IEP. When we got my DS out of the regular school setting he got so much better. For my DS stimulant ADD meds made his anxiety worse. We found that vayarin was the only thing that worked on the ADHD without increasing the anxiety and we use GABA for the anxiety.


As far as teen boys vs teen girls, I have a 16 year old DD and she doesn't have the issues that DS has and she is easier.

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