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Is my baby spoiled? Rarely sleeps on his own during the day..

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 

Our son was colicky in his first few months of life, so we started holding him to help him sleep. Before we knew it, he seemed to get a little too used to it. Now his pattern throughout the day is this: I nurse him, he falls asleep at my breast, I give him some time but as soon as I stand up to put him down he wakes up. Needless to say, I hardly ever get anything accomplished. We are fortunate that he sleeps well at night, but we need to sleep too! I would love to be able to do some housework or even take a nap sometimes. I feel guilty leaving him in his swing when he's awake...he'll watch me from across the room with this look like, "please pick me up mommy!" If I do leave him he usually starts crying. So my question is, how do I get him used to sleeping on his own during the day so that my husband and I can regain our sanity? Thanks.

post #2 of 15

None of my babies have slept on their own well.  Around 9 months, I try to nurse them to sleep (side lying on a mattress on the ground), then roll away.  This is what I did for DD1 and DD2 for naps.  I have worn DS for most of his naps since he was born.  My kids just need a bit more help and I was never willing to take that away.  I actually still lay down with my DDs for bed time to help them get to sleep.... I have no problem with it at all.

 

You have to find out what will work for your family.  Buying a great baby carrier will save you.  You can wear your baby when working around the house, out for walk, naps.... just to snuggle.  I love my ergo, but I am sure you will find what works for you.

 

Good luck mama and trust your instincts about your baby!  You are doing a good job.

post #3 of 15

Hugs, sleep issues can be so frustrating. :Hug

 

 

If you want to keep holding him for naps, then wear him as @Chloe'sMama suggests.  Nothing wrong with that as long as you are comfortable.  I often wear DD in a wrap for naps and she sleeps very well while I get some chores/work done.  Sometimes she will let me do things while wearing her awake, but not always.

 

If you want to be able to put him down for naps, expect that it will probably take a little while for him to get used to a change in routine.  Instead of holding him for a while after he falls asleep and then trying to put him down, try putting him down just as he is falling asleep.  You want him to be a bit aware about where he is going to sleep.  When he falls asleep in your lap, then you move him later, this can be alarming for the baby.  Imagine if you fell asleep in your bed and woke up later in a different room, it would be disconcerting.
If he gets upset when you put him down, then just pick him back up and nurse him a bit longer, then try again.

 

You might also want to check out The no-cry sleep solution.

 

Good luck!

post #4 of 15
How old is he? I would wear my babies for sleeps when they were tiny and I wanted to get things done. As the got older, maybe around 4 months, I would feed them to sleep in bed and then creep away if I didn't want to sleep with them.

It doesn't always work. Some days or some periods they have needed extra closeness.

I also do most household chores with them in a carrier while they're little too. I think it's good for them and it means I don't have to waste precious sleep times doing housework lol.gif

ETA - and no, I don't think he's spoiled at all. I don't think you can spoil a baby :-)
post #5 of 15

I understand your fatigue and worry about creating a "bad habit" that you can't keep up with.  I debated this in my head for the first year nearly with my son.  For what it's worth looking back I would've changed a few of my thoughts and I hope this helps for you.

I wouldn't have spent time trying to force a change in what he was telling me he needed: to be near me.  I wore him, held him, coslept etc, but it was still so frustrating that I could never lay him down for a nap during the day.  I so desperately needed a break and I desperately wanted to get things done.  But the fact is it just wasn't going to happen.  He wasn't ready.  So what happened as a result is I would deliberately not nurse him to sleep or try to do a no cry sleep solution "technique" which didn't work anyway and just basically had a frustrating hour where we could've both been snuggled up on the couch taking a nap.  The chores will always be there.  He will sleep one day.  But if I could do it all over again, I'd just hold him let him sleep and go to sleep myself.  He is quite content sleeping in his crib for a daily nap now and sleeps from 7 - 7 every night on his own now.  He just did it when he was ready (12 mos).  All babies are different so it sounds like you really have a baby that needs that close security in order to feel ok.  Some babies are way more laid back.  So definitely babywear, figure your way around the worry about chores piling up, and take some more naps for you mama!  :)  Goodluck!  Oh and just in case I def recommend a structured carrier if you are new to it and really want to be able to do things around the house while baby is sleeping as it just easier to keep in place and to hold baby secure with that kind of activity.  Pros of course can manage this with just wraps but don't give yourself something else to stress about.  

post #6 of 15

I don't think that you can "spoil" a baby by holding him/her, personally. :) It's normal for babies to want to be cuddled. I love, love, love this blog post on the subject: http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/haggard-mother-sleep-training-method

 

I'll second the babywearing. My dd only tolerates it if we're out and walking around, but I have a lot of friends whose LOs nap in their carriers for every nap. 

 

It's technically a "no no" so if you're not comfortable with it I understand, but I tried putting my dd down for a nap on her belly once on a whim. She had been napping for 30, 40 minutes at a time... on her belly, she napped for 2.5 solid hours of sleep. We've never looked back. I'll add that she had plenty of head control and we have a video monitor so I could keep an eye on her, and I make sure there's nothing in there with her that could be a hazard, but really... she's been fine (and SO much happier now that she's not overtired all the time).

post #7 of 15
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the thoughts, everyone. :) I have a Baby K'tan but I don't like it because of sizing issues. Am thinking about getting a structured carrier now that he has head control. @keakiepie, we already sleep him on his tummy. It's the only way he will sleep in his bassinet. He still shares a room with us and of course there is nothing but a firm mattress and pad in his bassinet so I don't worry much. Ideally I would like him to start sleeping on his side or back sometimes, but I'd rather he get a good night's sleep. This is at night though-he still wakes up if I try to nap him in the bassinet during the day.

One thing that does work is me napping next to him in bed. He loves to co-sleep and has gone 7 hours at night before...would've gone longer but my husband was alarmed and woke up both up. I just don't co sleep on a regular basis because I like my own space, and side-lying nursing has never worked for me so I figure what's the point?

post #8 of 15
How long since you tried side-lying feeding? Could you give it another try? It can be a real life-saver if it works for you. I found getting myself into a comfortable position(one I could stay in for an extended period) first * then* attaching the baby works best for me.

We love our Beco Gemini as a soft-structured carrier. It's pretty much the only carrier we use now after trying several.
post #9 of 15
How old is he? Until my son was around 4 months he needed to be held constantly no matter what I did. I think it's important to set a foundation for your ideal but maybe while accepting that he might be too young (I.e keep putting him down as that's the Long term goal but keep picking him up of its bit working). One thing I read and was told is that doing or over and over helps - so puttit him down when he falls asleep, When he wakes get him to sleep and put him down again. But like I said when my son was really little he just needed to be held constantly so I got an ergo.
post #10 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by katelove View Post

How long since you tried side-lying feeding? Could you give it another try? It can be a real life-saver if it works for you. I found getting myself into a comfortable position(one I could stay in for an extended period) first * then* attaching the baby works best for me.

We love our Beco Gemini as a soft-structured carrier. It's pretty much the only carrier we use now after trying several.


Probably a month or so. Our issue is he's always had a tight, clampy latch, so it's pretty hard to get a comfortable latch in the side lying position. It's embarrassing but we're still working on transitioning from cross-cradle to cradle hold...seems like if I don't hold his head, he slips down close to the nipple which is very painful. Any ideas for how to work with that? I will check out the Beco Gemini, thanks. :)

post #11 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola P View Post

How old is he? Until my son was around 4 months he needed to be held constantly no matter what I did. I think it's important to set a foundation for your ideal but maybe while accepting that he might be too young (I.e keep putting him down as that's the Long term goal but keep picking him up of its bit working). One thing I read and was told is that doing or over and over helps - so puttit him down when he falls asleep, When he wakes get him to sleep and put him down again. But like I said when my son was really little he just needed to be held constantly so I got an ergo.

 

He's four months almost exactly.

post #12 of 15
Yeah I remember that. Hang in there!
post #13 of 15

Yeah, I used to walk to my bed with the kid still latched on so he wouldn't wake up, and slowly deposit him on my bed, lying down beside him, and then sloooooowly delatch and roll away. And it didn't always work. Lol. It's just a stage!

 

I agree with the people who say to try to see if you can wear him while he sleeps.

post #14 of 15
One thing I do is never take my son out of the bedroom at night after bedtime. The only exception was two nights when he was sick. Otherwise we stay in the bedroom no matter what! He's 19 months and a great sleeper. I think my vigilance with that rule has really helped. When he was very young sometimes id end up in the room for 2 hours trying to get him down. Now most nights I put him in the bed, sing a song and leave and he's good. Sleep hygiene is awesome!
post #15 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by bayosgirl87 View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by katelove View Post

How long since you tried side-lying feeding? Could you give it another try? It can be a real life-saver if it works for you. I found getting myself into a comfortable position(one I could stay in for an extended period) first * then* attaching the baby works best for me.


We love our Beco Gemini as a soft-structured carrier. It's pretty much the only carrier we use now after trying several.


Probably a month or so. Our issue is he's always had a tight, clampy latch, so it's pretty hard to get a comfortable latch in the side lying position. It's embarrassing but we're still working on transitioning from cross-cradle to cradle hold...seems like if I don't hold his head, he slips down close to the nipple which is very painful. Any ideas for how to work with that? I will check out the Beco Gemini, thanks. smile.gif

No specific advice I'm afraid but I would suggest trying it again every now and then. Sometimes just growing a bit bigger and bit more practiced can fix a latch issue without having to do anything else.
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