It really helps me to be more zen about the intensity of mama/baby life, to have a weekly band rehearsal where I get 5 hours away from the house and just meet with my bandmates and rehearse. I sing rock and roll, let loose, and am not a 'mommy' for those hours. It's very good. i know it's so good for baby and daddy to have some one on one time.
Zen and the art of Peaceful Parenting - Page 2
I think I'm getting more sleep or something too as the bit of ppd is much better. I just feel myself mostly now.
Hi everybody. I seriously need some zen advice, Breast feeding is not going easily at all. My nipples have craters and I am in severe pain. I cry when dd latches on. The softest fabric makes me wince. I've seen a consultant and we've resolved latch issues but the pain isnt stopping. She is hitting a growth spurt and I just cant take it anymore. I want to continue for her benefit but honestly I hate this. She won't even take a pacifier to give me a few mins break. I feel like such a bad mama.....
Always check latch. Maybe change holding position for a deeper latch?
Check for thrush. You can use coconut oil between nursings. It will also help kill any bacteria that could feed yeast, which with hurt nipples is like an open door for thrush.
Have you been able to go to a lll meeting? Sometimes just being around some other bf moms who might be going through the same thing or got past it, can be very helpful.
My ds has a semi shallow latch. Some days I have no problem, others it hurts whèn he doesn't latch right. It's hard sometimes. Stay confident, try some of the things on kellymom to heal nipples.
I'm sorry, JustJenny. You are not a bad mama! It can be really hard at the beginning! It surprised me too. I understood why so many people do give up. hippy mum gave some great advice and Kellymom is great for helpful info. Changing positions can help if only because it puts pressure on different spots. I found side-lying most comfortable. Will she suck on your finger instead of a pacifier? I had pain that made me wince and pound my feet for about the first month, then it got a little better with no more wincing. After 2 months, or 8 weeks, the pain was completely gone. I woke up one day and my nipples just didn't hurt anymore. Before that I didn't want anything touching them. I also say that nursing with other moms can be really helpful. Keep working with the LC if things don't improve. It can get better, much better. I'm glad I stuck it out because now I truly enjoy it.
Big hugs JustJenny!! You are a GREAT Mama!!! Please know that no matter how you feel or what you ultimately choose that you are amazing. That said, I agree with all of the above, it IS hard! And taking it one day at a time is all you can do. The first 8 weeks are hardest and it does get better, and ultimately so much easier than bottle feeding. But you need to take care of yourself too and do what you have to to do that. A IRL support group, like LLL, might be a great place to get info and care for you. Whatever you choose, and it IS your choice, you will be supported here mama!!
I have found wool pads are really nice, the cotton ones will stick to me, which I have to use till the thrush treatment is over. I just don't want to boil my wool pads daily and dry them for two weeks. The disposable pads that I started with 9 yrs ago w ds1, caused me nipple pain until I switched to cloth. Something else to think about if using disposable pads. There are also fell pads you can get for soreness too, until nipples are healed.
Those first 6-8 weeks are tough, like others have mentioned. Bf does not always go smoothly, even for veteran moms. Plus you have a new baby, you're tired, got hormone stuff going on etc, so any bf problem that comes up can seem to be the last straw, and why I think a lot of moms quit. If you're determined, just go day by day like was mentioned. Seek our a bf group. Lll also has online and you can chat there daily too till you get to a meeting.
(Hugs) try to relax when you bf, I know it's hard. Try to associate good, with bf, nothing negative like oh no I have to feed baby again, so you don't tense up and get frustrated, if that makes sense.
@JustJenny, you're now about three weeks into breastfeeding, right? It does get easier, but don't expect it to happen overnight. It took about 3 months for me. In the early days DH got a little pushy about using formula only because he saw me wince every time DS latched on. One day I told him that if and when it comes to that, I'll be the one to bring it up and he never mentioned it again. So I'd say make sure your husband knows where you stand: if you need his support in your decision to BF or not let him know. If you decide it's not for you then you don't need the extra stress and guilt from your husband.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: that whole "breast is best" slogan is such a guilt trip and really doesn't do us any good. Know that whatever you choose your baby will be fine and she will grow up with all the love and care you can provide. Breastfeeding is only a short period in the relative lifetime you will have with each other, keep that in mind. You will be fine and she will be fine, whether you use your own breastmilk, donated breastmilk or formula.
ETA: on the practical side of things, those gel soothies are amazing, they are pricy but so worth it, I think I used 4 pairs. Also, after lots of meetings with my LC she determined that I had (still have) nipple blanching when latching, which caused extreme pain (less now and/or I've gotten used to it). One of the treatment options for that is taking a prescription (nifedipine) and most women get good results. If that's what you've got going on it wouldn't hurt to try it. I tried it and it didn't seem like it did anything initially but about two weeks after I stopped taking it my pain decreased significantly. Again, not sure if I was finally getting used to BFing or the meds made a difference or maybe a bit of both.
Edited by dakipode - 1/30/14 at 10:09am
Thank you all for being so sensitive, encouraging and non judgemental. I deeply appreciate your support! We had a very difficult week but things are a bit better today. I had mastitis in both breasts on different days, a recurrent milk blister and dd's growth spurt all in one week. At my last post I just couldn't take anymore! Mastitis and blister have resolved and sh's slowed down a little bit on nursing. Super fussy though. Finally getting to heal up a little bit. She does have a shallow latch that we have been working on pretty successfully. I had been starting to heal some deep cracks- one is more like a fissure- before all this happened. So far no thrush - fx'd it stays that way.
sphinxy- thank you. That was just the advice I needed to reset my thinking. I really do want to keep doing this. It was liberating to remember that yes I do have a choice! Taking it one feeding at a time is just what we are doing now
sparkle- I've resisted la leche groups for some reason. I guess I'm just not feeling real social. However it might be just the thing I need!
dak- DH is supportive of whatever I choose. He's more prone to worry. He's more concerned with me taking to much advil and it affecting dd than my pain levels.
You can take echinacea for mastitis. I'd keep taking it daily until all healed up along with probiotics to help prevent thrush. Or gse. Ice packs, or gel packs. http://kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/herbs/natural-treatments/#mastitis. You need to rest momma. Get in bed, get water, tea, food, books etc and rest and yes bf if you're still bf. you don't want mastitis to come back.
Advil is class 1 so let your dh know that.
Growth spurts contribute to fussies . It's nothing you're doing wrong, though some days it sure feels like it.
My guy still gets a shallow latch if he's fussing and we're still battling thrush. It hurts. My support are my friends, they're lll leaders, have had problems etc. and you guys and my dh.
I still have anxiety some days. Not sure why.
I'm pumping at work as I write. My little guy is now 13 weeks and over 15#! Crazy, I know. We saw a Peds Gastroenterologist who told us everything is normal and not to worry. It's just an immature gut. I've slowly been adding foods back in. I lost 55# in 12 weeks, only gained 22 with pregnancy. I really needed a good protein source (though it clearly did NOT affect my milk supply/quality). Baby boy is such a happy guy!
Hugs Hippy. It's still hard, even when you've done it before. I hope the thrush clears and your anxiety lessens. Are your IRL supports helpful with the anxiety? I need to feel really comfortable/safe to get the right help/support with my anxiety.
Hello everyone! I'm a mostly SAHM of 2 year old DS and 4 week old DD. I was hoping to join the thread because I've been needing to reconnect with my parenting self. I lost it somewhere in the last weeks of pregnancy. I used to have an (almost!) endless well of patience. I struggled, but was able to roll with the trials and tribulations of a newborn and toddler until winter set in and I was so big and uncomfortable and tired. Lately, I've been impatient, but more importantly, I've been annoyed with my kids. They're not fitting into the little roles that I've created for them. Especially DS, I feel like "no" has become a much bigger part of my vocabulary. I'm not very creative anymore when it comes to parenting. And I feel like I almost don't know who they are after these last weeks - like I was so busy trying to get them to be what I wanted that I wasn't stepping back and knowing them. Which is kind of a big deal when one of them is brand new!
So I really need to just step back and accept and go with the flow again. Come up with ways to see my children again.
How is everyone else doing?
Is a mini co sleeper with it? What type of alternatives or ideas can you mommas come up with? We also have dogs, and so I wanted to prevent them from getting to him, so can't have a low bassinet/play yard.
On a good note, baby is much less fussy. I really think it was the thrush. Of course now he's clamping down while bf sometimes, fist in mouth, drooling, so I think he has teething signs already. When I saw my mw, he was almost 14# . I'm still having random spotting, and my mw found abrasions on my cervix she thought is causing it. Bed sharing is going great so far. I love how he snuggles right up to me for warmth and comfort and waking up to smiles. So so glad we got laying nursing down, I'm getting so much more sleep than I ever did with the other two.
I am a striving peaceful Mamma, who everyday questions the striving AND the peaceful part, and also embraces fully the striving and peaceful part, does that make sense?! I am often confident in my threshold for patience and nurturing and breastfeeding abilities. Letting-go, trusting my strong intuitive instincts (which denying them, in itself is an oxymoron-!!), co-parenting (someone earlier said something along the lines of knowing when to communicate/when to bite tongue with husband) are where my vulnerabilities easily show up.
Some peaceful parenting tips that have worked for me-
Meditating, or simply being still, even if just for five minutes in the morning when I can greatly "sets" the tone for the day.
Repeating the mantra when I am struggling:
(In breath) I notice my whole body.
(Out breath) I am aware of any tension in my body.
(In breath) I am aware of the painful feeling in my body.
(Out breath) I embrace this feeling with love and tenderness.
-when feeling anxious about "not doing/being enough" with and for my children, reminding myself, I am enough, and stopping to observe whatever it is my children are doing. -And then embrace what it is they are doing by engaging (quite possibly still in sit back and observe sweet play/discovery mode or participating in play, etc....). Often this letting go of agenda or ego is just the shift needed for all....even if the moment is a challenge-filled one (older son acting out on 4 mo and me in middle of conscious response vs. reactive)!
Cwill-I feel you on "seeing our children". I am often revisiting this with my 3yo son, who my husband and I lovingly (mostly call a gremlin! Embracing his new, and often less favorable behaviors can be tough lately. I have been trying to observe, observe, observe more tenderly and without judgement (or catching myself if I am going there, anyway). I feel like by sitting back and letting him 'be' I am getting to 'know' him over and over again!
Serafina33, How can I wear my babe facing out in a moby, legs in? Is this possible? -Or, show me tutorial on wearing babe on back, please!
Revolting-please share more tips on embracing the spirited child with big emotions. My 3yo spans is a rainbow of feelings, and, to my benefit is at least able to articulate them pretty well. -not to say, it's still hard sometimes. I am finding that myself and husband are spirited grown children with big emotions (or at least with very little filter) too though! Haha... Perhaps, I will look into the Explosive Child.
Sphinxy, the "right" way to care for my littles, is often where my anxiety comes up...hence my aforementioned strong intuition I can fail to listen to! Yikes! Any suggestions out there?
Dakipode-thank you so much for the cave woman/cave baby comparison-this is a remembrance I need and an image that I imagine will be very helpful in any future "instinctive" calls I need.
Sparklemom, I agree on the "cloud of competition hanging behind their eyes" (ani d quote), is far more noticeable than I'd like to admit. It should be just the opposite-we are here to uplift and inspire one another to be our brightest selves in the name of Mammahood! That's why I am so happy to have found this thread and am grateful for efforts, in general, like Mothering's mission.
Amber necklaces-for protection? Tell me more!
Thanks for listening, being you, each and everyone!
When facing us, the can duck their heads and curl into us to get away from it, but not facing out. I like hip carries for facing out, because they can still turn away and it's easier for me to shift them back tummy to tummy. My guy still does not like his legs out, and though great head control, not ready for hip carry, but he's only 3 months old.
Ooh going to check out that book. Mine are pretty laid back, but are quite explosive when dealing with certain things. I usually try to be calm about it, but if it's a bad day, it's so hard to just let things be.
Haven't tried amber yet. Someone suggested for teething. A few moms swear that it keeps their kids more calm and balanced.