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When will you tell your little ones about the pregnancy?

post #1 of 64
Thread Starter 

I am sort of hemming and hawing over when to tell 4 yo dd.  My parents already know, but DH's mom does not.   We were thinking of waiting until solstice, but now we are thinking thanksgiving (I'll be 9 weeks).  DD is very sensitive to mom not feeling well right now and it feels weird to be telling a half truth to her, but she would be so crushed if something went wrong...she's been begging DH to "give mommy a baby" for a year now.  He had thought he was done (I always wanted one more) and so this one is a surprise (welcomed by both of us).

 

Just wondering what you all have decided to do as far as telling your children.

post #2 of 64
Ive told everyone BUT my family because I do not want my little ones to know. Im waiting until im big and baby is healthy and secure.
My gf just lost hers after 7 weeks and her kids were crushed =( I've never had a Mc before but I've also never had low progesterone or been pg within days of paragard removal.... I believe it'll be fine though. I also do not want them stressing out for the next 9 months. They tend to worry and I'd rather wait
post #3 of 64

We told our kids right away.  They are 11, 9, and 7 and all very excited.

post #4 of 64

Last time I told my crew at about 7 weeks.  It was the 4th of July, I was pregnant with our 4th.  The whole extended family was coming over to be together for the last time before Thanksgiving.  It seemed like the best plan. 

 

Then I lost the baby at 9 weeks.

 

My children were devastated.  They were 7, 5, and 3 at the time.  The two oldest have since had birthdays.

 

They told me FLAT OUT not to tell them next time until I am ABSOLUTELY SURE we won't have another loss.  So, I guess it'll be a while before I let them in on the news.  Of course, it won't take long before the belly pops.  And I'm tired and irritable and eating all.of.the.time.  I bet my oldest figures it out. 

post #5 of 64

i'd like to wait until i'm a little further along (i'm seven weeks today) and feel like we're out of the danger zone.  i had one miscarriage between our first and second and am just feeling cautious.  ten weeks maybe.  it's going to be hard to keep it from the kids that long (they're two and six).  our two year old has been super clingy lately and not wanting me to leave when i drop him off at school -- i'm feeling that on some level he "knows".  is that nuts?

 

am dreading telling the in-laws.  we will see them at thanksgiving (i'll be nearly nine weeks), but don't want to tell them then.  dh and i have already joked that they'll know something's up if i'm not drinking wine.  i've said i'll let them pour me a glass, but that he will suck it down when no one's looking.  or i'll just dump it in a plant or something.  :)  we'll see them again on FIL's birthday when i'll be 12 weeks.  i'm thinking that'll be a good time (and getting to be hard to hide at that point).

 

i'll probably tell my family around the same time.  they'll be thrilled.

post #6 of 64

I'm struggling with this.  I have come close to telling them several times but I stop because I want more reassuring news from my beta draws first.  However, I feel like I was always in the dark when growing up because my family didn't talk much.. so I've felt it important to be open with my children whether it's good or bad news.   On the other hand, I sure don't want them sad if it doesn't turn out well.  

 

I think if my second hcg had been good, I would have told them by now (7 weeks.)   

post #7 of 64

I'm planning to wait a bit this time. Last time our son figured it out right away somehow, so we never really had to tell him. I just want to feel a bit more secure in the pregnancy before we tell. They experienced the loss of a dear friend this year, and I don't want to add any pain to that if I can. If I get really sick again, though, it will be hard not to tell them why. 

post #8 of 64

My 11yo and 7yo (BOYS), were all over my morning sickness yesterday. Then this am they both started about having a baby again. "Do you think by Christmas we will be ready, thats my birthday, so it would be nice." I was so happy to say in response "hopefully by Christmas, we will be working on a sibling, but remember it can take a while." "Thats gross, don't tell me that." 11 year old exits room and little one jumps on my lap, "You can tell me, Mumum, I'll start saving some boxtops for the baby's education." (He's an angel) I was thinking about putting up an extra stocking with a pregnancy test in it for me to take and them to read the results, and tshirts that read I'm going to be a big brother or something like that. I still have plenty of time but I think 13 weeks is long enough, I may even be showing too much, I'm starting this pregnancy at 100lbs and it's my 4th, unless I get big everywhere it's going to be hard to hide.  I've never lost a baby, not to say it can't happen it's just not a huge fear. I would be blindsided and traumatized if we did lose the baby so I imagine it would do the same to them. The plan is to wait as long as possible or 2nd trimester

post #9 of 64
We told our kids who are almost 7,4 & 2 right away. We had a miscarriage in Feb and decided to tell them what happened as my oldest is very sensitive to other peoples emotions especially mine and gets on edge when he senses something is off that we aren't telling him. This time we told them that we were pregnant but that it was really early and while everything seems fine there is a small risk the baby could die again. Honestly for my family despite the fact that they are very excited about the baby, the kids would be more upset about mommy being sick and sad and not knowing why if I lost the baby then having to deal with the lose of the baby that for them isn't totally real yet. And I just prefer being open and honest with them as well as others instead of trying to hide that I'm pregnant as I'm not at all good at keeping it hidden.
post #10 of 64

My daughter is only 15 months and just learned the word "baby" so we'll just be introducing the concept to her gently over the next 8 months.  My mom is getting her a real baby doll for Christmas, which I think will be cute and help her conceptualize what's happening, though I know she won't really get it until the baby is here, and probably not even then. 

post #11 of 64

My boys are 4 and 6. They have no filter. :P I am not telling them till I tell most the rest of the world. If I can manage to keep that a secret we kind of plan on Christmas. I will be 10 weeks and am usually showing by then. We shall see. 

 

Ultimately I have to keep it a secret form the general public as long as possible so the naysayers who have already put roadblocks out do not have more fuel. Our adopting and/or birthing is none of their nevermind. I just will keep it as peaceful as I can.

post #12 of 64

I took a pregnancy test Thursday, which was 8+weeks by LMP and light up immediately.  The positive showed before the urine got to a test line.  This pregnancy is our first natural conception and was very unplanned.  DH and I are both pretty shell shocked.  I told him immediately after taking the test and he said I looked like I'd seen a ghost.  I went in Friday for a blood test and they did a dating ultrasound since I was so far along.  Baby measured 6w 3d (much more believable that I magically ovulated on my own on day 30ish than 14ish) and had a perfect heartbeat.  My HCG was >5000, and while my progesterone was a bit low, it's been low every other pregnancy and I've always supplemented.  That's the whole reason I'd gone in.  I'll be going in for weekly visits at my fertility clinic and hiding/lying about those as well as the symptoms and trying to not discuss it around the kids just felt like too much.  We told them Friday evening.  They wanted another sibling and are generally pretty happy about the news (though DD1's first comment was that 13 month old DD3 was too little which I rather agree with lol).  They'll be coming with me for the blood draw and ultrasound tomorrow.  We plan to tell extended family when we're visiting for Thanksgivng.  I'll be 9 weeks then.  I expect nothing but positive reactions and support from both sides.  We told the kids we wanted to wait and tell family first, and tell them together in person.  Then they can tell anyone.  I'll probably make a FB announcement shortly after Thanksgiving.  I imagine I'll be back in maternity clothes by Christmas.  I just don't see a need to hide it.  Also, talking about it will help me process and prepare. 

post #13 of 64
Thread Starter 

So after hearing all your stories, I think I have decided to wait until DH gets home, early December (I will be almost 10 weeks) so that we can tel l DD together.  Unless by some small miracle he is home by Thanksgiving and then we can tell the our family, friends, and the farm in one shot.  My folks already know because I needed Moms support while DH was away this month, even though it has been over the phone.  I am ready to tell dd right now because she is really upset by my morning sickness, but I think it is important to tell her when her Dad is present.  He really wants to see her reaction.  She has been begging us for a sibling for a year now! 

post #14 of 64
Thread Starter 

We told 4yo dd tonight and it was soooo beautiful.  Her response was so loving and sweet and hopeful.  She is going to be such a great big sister!  It was so far my favorite moment of this pregnancy and i hope to remember her loving response forever!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

post #15 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by samstress View Post

 our two year old has been super clingy lately and not wanting me to leave when i drop him off at school -- i'm feeling that on some level he "knows".  is that nuts?

 

am dreading telling the in-laws.  we will see them at thanksgiving (i'll be nearly nine weeks), but don't want to tell them then.  dh and i have already joked that they'll know something's up if i'm not drinking wine.  i've said i'll let them pour me a glass, but that he will suck it down when no one's looking.  or i'll just dump it in a plant or something.  :)  we'll see them again on FIL's birthday when i'll be 12 weeks.  i'm thinking that'll be a good time (and getting to be hard to hide at that point).

I've been wondering the same thing with my two year old! He has been so clingy lately and he has started calling himself "baby" all the time instead of his name. He definitely hasn't been told (and I don't think he would understand) or heard me talking about it. 

 

I'm dreading the ILs knowing, too. We didn't tell them until 17 weeks last time. I joked with DH about not telling them at all... for so many reasons. For instance his dad gets all creepy and flirty with me when I'm pregnant. And when they found out DS was a boy they literally said, "Another grandson" and hung up the phone (DD is not genetically theirs, although DH adopted her at 3, but they don't treat her as a grandchild). The kids and I haven't seen them in over a year. Yet they seem to think they have a right to be there at the birth and/or see the baby the day its born. Not okay with me.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlemamameg View Post
 

We told 4yo dd tonight and it was soooo beautiful.  Her response was so loving and sweet and hopeful.  She is going to be such a great big sister!  It was so far my favorite moment of this pregnancy and i hope to remember her loving response forever!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

That is so cool! My DD was 4 when I was pregnant with DS and it was amazing. She was so great. I'm a little worried about DS. He turned two at the end of August. 

'

AFM - DD has been wanting another sibling for a while, so I was really excited to tell her, but ever since we moved she has been vocal about not wanting another sibling. I'm so disappointed. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep it from her, either. I do want to wait a bit until things are "safer" as I'm only at 6 weeks. I am hoping if I make sure she's getting lots of quality time the next week or two that when I tell her she won't feel bad about it. 

post #16 of 64

My oldest daughter (5 next month) accidentally overheard me telling my mom about the new baby. She's SUPER excited. She took it upon herself to introduce the concept to her 2 year old sister. So now I hear "Baby butter coming?" (Baby brother coming?) about 15 times a day. They BOTH want a baby brother, so I'm anxious to see if their wish comes true!

post #17 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by mareseatoats View Post
 

AFM - DD has been wanting another sibling for a while, so I was really excited to tell her, but ever since we moved she has been vocal about not wanting another sibling. I'm so disappointed. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep it from her, either. I do want to wait a bit until things are "safer" as I'm only at 6 weeks. I am hoping if I make sure she's getting lots of quality time the next week or two that when I tell her she won't feel bad about it. 

My dd was the same way! For awhile, she was really excited about the idea of another baby (which she decided would be a baby sister) but then suddenly she just changed her mind, and would randomly say "I don't want a baby sister. And I don't want another baby brother either!" she was 4. Actually.. I conceived right after her 4th bday so she probably started talking about not wanting a new baby at 3. I suspect her reasons for changing her mind had to do with her brother turning into a toddler (enough said?) Anyway, so ds2 is conceived. When I told her, I first went and got the old pregnancy test I took when I found out I was pregnant with her. I went and snuggled her and showed her and said, "do you know what this is? This is how I found out you were growing in my tummy!" showing her that the 2 pink lines means a baby, and how excited her dad and I were to meet her. Then I pulled out a recent test.. and asked her if she knew what it meant? I told her it meant another baby was growing inside me. Her first reaction was bursting into tears. But it really didn't take long at all for her to become really excited! She was kissing my tummy goodnight every night before long.

post #18 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlemamameg View Post
 

We told 4yo dd tonight and it was soooo beautiful.  Her response was so loving and sweet and hopeful.  She is going to be such a great big sister!  It was so far my favorite moment of this pregnancy and i hope to remember her loving response forever!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

 

how wonderful!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mareseatoats View Post
 

I'm dreading the ILs knowing, too. We didn't tell them until 17 weeks last time. I joked with DH about not telling them at all... for so many reasons. For instance his dad gets all creepy and flirty with me when I'm pregnant. And when they found out DS was a boy they literally said, "Another grandson" and hung up the phone (DD is not genetically theirs, although DH adopted her at 3, but they don't treat her as a grandchild). The kids and I haven't seen them in over a year. Yet they seem to think they have a right to be there at the birth and/or see the baby the day its born. Not okay with me.

 

they sound like a piece of work.  sorry.  :(

post #19 of 64

I'll probably tell ds (5) shortly after christmas. I'll be 9ish weeks, and I don't trust him to not spill the beans at christmas :) I really hate having people up in my business so I'm definitely not telling my parents or in-laws till 12 weeks. 

post #20 of 64


We went home for Thanksgiving and handed out copies of this picture to our parents and siblings on both sides. It was so fun to watch everyone put it together. I posted it on Facebook this weekend, so we're all public now. I'll definitely be in maternity clothes before Christmas.
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