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Trouble Dealing with Teenage Girl Materialism - Page 2

post #21 of 28

My daughter wanted those UGG boots too.  We just got her a pair of knockoffs for less than half the price.  I actually googled knock off uggs and was led to a few stores. I'll spring for some of her name brand wants but not all of them.  I figure it's just a phase and she"ll grow out of it.  I did.

post #22 of 28

Has she looked at Bearpaw boots? I really like the wool lining vs the synthetic plush. It's much more comfortable and doesn't get stinky like the synthetic — something about the wool having antibacterial properties. I have bought my kids and myself some Bearpaws and I'm pretty happy with them. They're more in the $40-50 range instead of $200. 

 

My dds get an allowance. They also do a little pet-sitting and make a little money from that. If they wanted something like Uggs I would expect them to at least pay part of it. It's a really good opportunity for learning about budgeting and finances. 

post #23 of 28

Patti, I've got nothing to add but wanted to chime in to say what a great selection or replies are here. I feel like my idea of how to address this issue when it comes up for us has been broadened. Thanks, thoughtful mamas!! 

post #24 of 28

this thread has been popping up in my thoughts off and on - as if i did not give the right reply.

 

lightbulb.gif

 

i realized why. because really this is not about omg my child is so materialistic.  i think we are overthinking it.

 

it really is another stage. just like the 'i want ____' at the grocery store when they were 3.

 

i think the answer isnt so much about materialism. i think its more about facing teenagehood and its life head on along with puberty issues and trying to figure out what to do. just like when you are let loose in your favourite store after a long time of not being there, you run helter skelter wanting everything. but then you calm down and really assess the issue.

 

what is REALLY important here - is this is not about our children (yeah i have one at this stage too, while she is not wanting brand items, she is obsessed with some people she is following and wants their stuff, but still there is a want) it is more about US.

 

as my dd heads towards her teen years, i realize - GOL-LY!!! this whole darn parenting thing is more about ME than about my dd.

 

how WE handle the situation. it does not matter what action you take regarding the boots. whether you buy them or not, whether you get knock offs or not. the KEY is how you react and how YOU handle the situation. HOW you communicate your situation with your child. my dd right now is v. emotionally fragile and i find i tend to buy her the stuff than not IF i can. even though sometimes she is a pill - i see it as a test to see if i still love her. i sit and explain how i would like to but i dont have that extra money or really does she need another __ when she has so many.  however in a way its simple for us coz there isnt another sibling who is getting the exact thing she desired. 

 

you could go and buy the boots - but that doesnt mean your dd will be over the moon. its how its HANDLED that's important. it is so much more about - 'holy cow, i dont know what's happening to me. i am turning sometimes into this person i dont know. does my mother still love me through all of this. life is so unfair. i want all these things and i cant get them.' so sometimes not buying the boots could be a better solution depending on how you handled yourself. 

 

i was a horrible, horrible, horrible teen. i totally made up stories in my head about my parents relationship towards me and so as revenge to punish them i turned into this nasty girl who wanted things. and i demanded them and if i didnt get them i'd turn even more nasty. i basically bullied my parents during my teen years and got most of the things. does not mean i am materialistic today - even though i got everything. no it means every morning i thank my parents for being there for me when i was the worst. i am so ashamed of who i was then and i have such deep regrets. and i am so blown away by how firmly but lovingly my parents handled this horrible person they had to live with. but the gift of my regrets was that its making me understand my dd better now coz honestly i am so lost parenting a teen. i try to handle my dd from a place of compassion not frustration. 

 

so to sum up what i am saying is - wanting uggs is just like wanting candy or everything in the grocery store when they were 3. if you came from a frustrated place it made it worse. but if you found a solution from a calm and collected place they were happy even if it meant they didnt get what they wanted. 

post #25 of 28
Thread Starter 

Well it's been almost 4 weeks since my original post and guess what . . . DD doesn't want UGGS anymore! Good thing I didn't buy them! I had suspected it would go that way as it's happened before with other things she's wanted (ended up a big waste of money). Now she wants all new running gear. Since she lettered and made varsity in cross country this year I can justify spending the money on something she both needs, wants, and promotes participation in sports. I dropped a cool $260 yikes2.gif on new running shoes, super feet, two pairs of running tights and a headband for her for Christmas. She picked them out and I wrapped them up.

 

My issue was more with her being mean to her younger sister over "stuff". It's that jealous over "stuff" thing that killed me.

post #26 of 28

Sounds like it ended up being a great thing all the way around, Mama. That's awesome :)

 

And you got a steal for $260, lol. I'm a runner and I'm very impressed at all that you managed to get out of $260!! :twothumbs

post #27 of 28
Meemee you are absolutely right. If my mom had been like "oh man those blue seude Nike's with the golden yellow swoosh are amazing, I sure wish we could get them" I would have been way more understanding than I was when she said "no, that's a waste of money".
post #28 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KayleeZoo View Post
 

Sounds like it ended up being a great thing all the way around, Mama. That's awesome :)

 

And you got a steal for $260, lol. I'm a runner and I'm very impressed at all that you managed to get out of $260!! :twothumbs


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