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where to find support irl

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

I am feeling more isolated these days in terms of not vaxxing. am not opposed to selective vaxxing at some point, but in terms of not vaccinating, I am kind of alone. one of my best friends lives in the uk and she doesn't have her children vaccinated either, but other than that I know no one, and feel a growing pressure to bend on this.  my main reason has been I feel I had bad reactions to vaccines as an infant (required hospitalization but was totted up to something else, my mom said her gut feeling was the vaccines but it was the early 70s and it wasn't the norm to ever question dr.s according to her)

 

my husband has been asking about vaxxing on a nearly weekly basis since my youngest turned 3 (so a little over a year now), and am feeling just down and isolated and that I don't have enough knowledge to back up my concerns. I feel alone on this, and my friends are more openly talking about how irresponsible and ignorant parents are that don't vax. they know I haven't vaxxed my kids but I think they "forget" a lot more now, particularly when outbreaks of a "Vaccine preventable" disease occurs

 

I guess I am just looking for some guidance from those who actually have made similar choices.

post #2 of 11

Well, I don't have anyone close to me who doesn't vax - the unfortunate side effect of having friends who are all nurses, emt's and the like.  BUT, I've never made any effort to hide the fact that I don't vax and with the things I post on my FB wall, anyone with half a brain could put two and two together and figure out where I stand.  And because of this, I have had many people, often more distant friends, PM me regarding my vax choices and be open about how they too are leery.  None of them have been completely non-vax, but I think they feel comfortable discussing it with me because I'm open to discussion.  I had a friend message me once that she truly appreciated not only seeing the links I posted but how I spoke about vaccination - that I wasn't pushing for everyone to stop vaxxing, but rather to do the research first, stop and think about it before jumping in, and my biggest push is that people need to report any and all reactions, even if they seem minor.  Now I do have one friend who's pregnant with her first and she's mentioned wanting to do select/delayed vax, and is on the fence about going that route or non-vax...but I can talk pretty openly with her, she knows we stopped because of DD having bad reactions and I think she'd proceed similarly.  Sometimes it lonely, but I am confident that I would never compromise my decisions and feelings and all the reading I've done just to fit in with a few friends.  And if they can't look past my DD's vax status without making it an issue? Well I don't see it worth my time investing in that friendship anymore.  DH and the IL's have more recently asked how I plan to handle school for her in the fall (next year preschool) and I answer with religious exemption, end of discussion.  DH has gone along with my decisions but zone zero reading, but I do feel like he's trusted me so it works out for us.

post #3 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by star*mora View Post
 

 

my husband has been asking about vaxxing on a nearly weekly basis since my youngest turned 3 (so a little over a year now), and am feeling just down and isolated and that I don't have enough knowledge to back up my concerns. I feel alone on this, and my friends are more openly talking about how irresponsible and ignorant parents are that don't vax. they know I haven't vaxxed my kids but I think they "forget" a lot more now, particularly when outbreaks of a "Vaccine preventable" disease occurs

 

 

I do have support so OP I am not dealing (nor have I) with what you are dealing with - one thing did stick out to me - are you and your DH not on the same page? that is not the impression I get

 

if that is the case - I feel that is where you need to both be, regardless of who else is or isn't "supportive" of your choice - IRL I feel that matters most, if in my marriage we were not 100% on the issue it would not work - maybe it's different for others but I know we need to be on the same page for issues like this and others of this importance

 

good luck!

post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 

astute observation. no, we aren't. if I could produce compelling evidence for him, he'd be open to considering it, and initially I did mention being open to selective vaccination once the boys' immune systems were developed. but then, because both my boys were preemies it made me more concerned about vaccinations...especially since my 6.5 yr old had some sensory and fine motor skill issues (most have resolved, though he does still stim sometimes at home - not arm flapping but repetitive motions that fall under that). I used to be more current with links and research supporting not vaccinating but I suppose I grew comfortable with not vaccinating and thought my husband was too. he wants at least tetanus done, not really any specific reason why. at his last annual, our dr kept bringing up vaccinations so that seems to have restarted this...

post #5 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by star*mora View Post
 

astute observation. no, we aren't. if I could produce compelling evidence for him, he'd be open to considering it, (there is TONS on here!!!)

well -IMO, you both are at least READING the same book, not on the "same" page but not like a marriage where one is reading A book and the other is illiterate! 

 

AND you made it thus far - 3 years?? you must be doing something correct!! :wink

 

just IMO - (AND you do not need to answer this here but I feel you need to answer it for yourself) are you both on the "same" page on other things - religion? schooling? those seem to be the two biggies - IF you are, there maybe hope! Another thing (again you don't need to reply here about it) with "religion" (because it's a good example to gage how people perceive and deal with issues) - is your DH doing what his parents did (as in he got vaccines, they were OK, and EVERYONE else is also doing it- there for it must be???) that kind of mentality going on??? "I believe this because so and so did?" 

 

IF he is open to reading - DO IT!!!!!!!!! there are tons of sources here - find links, bring it out, his concern seems to center around tetanus - present the info on it - plan a time when you won't be distracted or have your child there and really talk out your concerns but be willing (engaged! in hearing his) but come backed up with information and if I were you, plan a time for both of you to look together or to talk to your Dr alone, just the two of you.

 

3 years, and if you are together on other important issues you may just be able to talk this over and get to the same page - good luck!!

post #6 of 11
Thread Starter 

serenbat, we are on the same page literally on everything else. keeping our boys intact (even though my husband was cut) was not an issue - he didn't want them to be circ-ed. religion...politics (pretty close - he is left of centre, I am far left), cloth diapering. he was the one who convinced me to bedshare with the boys until each was about 3yrs old. we are on the same page with finances and he has always been supportive of me/us/our collective hopes for our boys.

 

 I will start reading up again. I guess I kind of thought I could get away with a few more years -- until Everett was 5 or so, and we made it 5yrs before the topic kept coming up.  he hates the mercola sources, and a lot of the natural news ones I have cited in the past. I guess I thought he was more comfortable with not vaxxing than he actually is, and I wish I had friends irl who made the same choice...and my closest friends irl all cloth diapered, breastfed at least 1.5yrs for each child (2 of us went past the 2yr mark), babywearing, but all of them have vaccinated on schedule - even with vaccines not being compulsory in Canada. I just find it hard. thank you for the online support though, much gratitude

post #7 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by star*mora View Post
 

serenbat, we are on the same page literally on everything else. keeping our boys intact (even though my husband was cut) was not an issue - he didn't want them to be circ-ed. religion...politics (pretty close - he is left of centre, I am far left), cloth diapering. he was the one who convinced me to bedshare with the boys until each was about 3yrs old. we are on the same page with finances and he has always been supportive of me/us/our collective hopes for our boys. You are VERY in so many ways! :namaste

 

 I will start reading up again. I guess I kind of thought I could get away with a few more years -- until Everett was 5 or so, and we made it 5yrs before the topic kept coming up.  he hates the mercola sources, and a lot of the natural news ones I have cited in the past. I guess I thought he was more comfortable with not vaxxing than he actually is, and I wish I had friends irl who made the same choice...and my closest friends irl all cloth diapered, breastfed at least 1.5yrs for each child (2 of us went past the 2yr mark), babywearing, but all of them have vaccinated on schedule - even with vaccines not being compulsory in Canada. I just find it hard. thank you for the online support though, much gratitude

so it's your fault for not "reading" up?……ah, where has his head been these last few years? This is a joint item -IMO, not that it all falls on you, alone here!

post #8 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by star*mora View Post
 

 

 I will start reading up again. I guess I kind of thought I could get away with a few more years -- until Everett was 5 or so, and we made it 5yrs before the topic kept coming up.  he hates the mercola sources, and a lot of the natural news ones I have cited in the past.

Hi from Ontario. wave.gif

 

I am sorry you are feeling so alone right now.  

 

I know a fair number of non and selective vaxxers - we are out there.  There was an article recently bemoaning the low numbers of vaxxers in Canada - I don't know if it helps or not to know we are out here.

 

I am sorry your friends are giving you a bit of a rough time over this.  I tend to think this zooming in on non-vaxxers thing will pass.  It is some internet driven fear based frenzy thing - and like all things - its will pass.  

 

As per hubby - I don't blame him on the natural news or mercola.  They would make any vaxxers and many non-vaxxers shake their heads or roll their eyes.  Read the CDC pink book, including appendices.  Read the Doctor Sears Vaccine book.  Read the vaccine inserts.  Try and get hubby to read them as well so you can both discuss them.  If DH wants them vaccinated, he really does needs to make a solid case for why, and it should be on a vaccine by vaccine basis.    

post #9 of 11
Thread Starter 

thanks :)

am also in Ontario, downtown Ottawa. I have a dear friend in Calgary who doesn't vax her kids, but not exactly local. doesn't help that my dh's family thinks he is mad-crazy that we haven't vaxxed. am surprised my dh is as evolved as he is given how he was raised. the closest any of my family has come to similarity is my younger sister delayed vaxxing her kids by one year (but they are fully vaccinated

post #10 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by star*mora View Post
 

thanks :)

am also in Ontario, downtown Ottawa. I have a dear friend in Calgary who doesn't vax her kids, but not exactly local. doesn't help that my dh's family thinks he is mad-crazy that we haven't vaxxed. am surprised my dh is as evolved as he is given how he was raised. the closest any of my family has come to similarity is my younger sister delayed vaxxing her kids by one year (but they are fully vaccinated

I am near Ottawa.  I would love to live in Westboro, Glebe or Ottawa South. Sigh…..

 

If you ever need advice on exemptions for school and Ontario, post or pm me.  It is pretty straight forward.  

post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
 

I am near Ottawa.  I would love to live in Westboro, Glebe or Ottawa South. Sigh…..

 

If you ever need advice on exemptions for school and Ontario, post or pm me.  It is pretty straight forward.  


thanks Kathy!

we did the affidavits for the exemptions - we are moving from the lebreton flats side of Chinatown to the glebe next fall (dh walks to work and so we wanted that, plus a family-friendly space so the glebe is perfect) so am hoping the exemptions can be transferred when my boys do. it's all the same school board so hopefully...I appreciate your offer for advice, and may need to take you up on it at some point, so thank you

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