I haven't posted on here in quite some time, but in the past I've gotten good advice from the Mothering community about financial issues, so I thought I'd give it a go. I created a new username for this, as it includes sensitive information.
My wife is a male-to-female transgender. She hasn't started to physically transition yet (she isn't out to anyone but me), but in the next year, she hopes to start hormones, start saving for eventual surgeries, and come out. To that end, she suggested we separate our money so that we can both have our own savings accounts and save for our separate expenditures. I wholeheartedly agreed.
We have shared finances for six years, so I didn't really have any idea whose money was whose at this point. We set about figuring it out, splitting shared bills, childcare, etc. evenly. The only thing we didn't split was my student loan payment. It turns out that my wife is way better off than me. She makes more than me, and I have a significant amount of student loan debt, so there's a $200 disparity in our individual weekly budgets. To me, this makes perfect sense, and I wish we had done it earlier: I see no reason for my wife to be punished for my student loans.
She, however, completely disagrees and doesn't think I should be struggling financially if she's not. I think transitioning is INSANELY expensive and she shouldn't be putting a single dollar towards my loans that could be going to HRT or surgery (not to mention new clothes, make-up, shoes; it's expensive to start over as an adult woman!).
In the past my wife has supported me financially when I couldn't find a job and when I was on maternity leave; I see this as my chance to repay her generosity. She says she never intended separating our money to change the fact that we split everything 50/50. We can't seem to come to an agreement on this, and I would appreciate some outside perspective. Obviously we can't really talk to our family and friends as my wife is still presenting as male. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!