HELP PLEASE!! I'm completely perplexed. There are a lot of components here, so I apologize for the long post, but I can't tease them apart. My son is 4 1/2. He attends preschool half days at a Waldorf school. At the end of last year, we were called in to meet with the teacher. She thought we should test for autism. Her reasoning consisted of "odd" speech (unusual prosody), unusual movement - bumping into other kids as well as running clumsily, upset by changes in schedule, and oversensitivity, especially to noise. Yet, she also admitted that he was the most empathic kid in the class and his oversensitivity to noise usually took the form of worrying when someone else cried. Further, it turned out that the schedule changes didn't bother him at all if someone simply told him the schedule was changing; they were a problem when no one mentioned it. The speech turned out to be an imitation of the Waldorf singsong that the teachers used and his dad's European accent. I can't argue with the clumsy. Her point was that there were reasons for each individually but together they could add up. After a lot of research, I couldn't make it fit at all, and we decided to give it some time.
The summer was great. He joined in at various summer activities without much problem. He never seemed to make a lot of friends, but he would play with the other kids off and on without too much problem. He has always kind of preferred doing his own thing most of the time, but I have seen him join games of tag at the playground or throwing a ball with other kids. Then school started again. By a month into the school year, he was throwing tantrums every day not wanting to go to school. He came home saying the kids were mean. We met with the teacher, a new one but one who knew the history - it's a tiny school. We were concerned about bullying. She said that he tended to annoy the other kids, bumping against them, wanting to play chase all the time, getting into their personal space. He played too rough, we were told. He didn't seem to hold back at all when rough housing and all he wanted to do was rough house. He clearly thinks he's playing, but it's too much. We started working on this at home, talking about it a bit or playing through it with his stuffed animals, but we don't seem to be getting anywhere. Things are worst with one kid, but it seems like (from his mama's perspective) the other kid doesn't get in trouble, while our son is separated and has to spend all his time with the teachers. The teachers are complaining about having to follow him around to constantly redirect him.
Around the same time as this September meeting, we noticed a physical component. He seemed to be allergic to something - baggy eyes, stuffy nose, itchy eyes. We put him on Allegra, and the behavior didn't stop but it did get better. To make sure it wasn't our pets or something in the house, I took him to an allergist, and weirdly, he didn't test as allergic to anything. The allergist switched him to a nasal steroid, which was a disaster. We quit after a few days. He was not only worse at school but a mess at home and loud. We switched back to Allegra. He also has really smelly gas in the evenings at times, often but not always worse on days when his behavior is worse. He seems to take a long time to poop, too, like up to 15 minutes. He doesn't strain, just hangs out on the toilet.
I should note, we don't see this behavior at home. He's great with the baby and the animals. He gives hugs, makes eye contact, plays on his own or with significantly younger or older kids and adults fine. With kids his age, it's almost like he gets bored with them quickly, and not knowing what else to do, starts to bounce around until he can get a response. He is ahead verbally and has started to teach himself to read and to add and subtract. He's curious about the world and how it works. He can take turns, likes talking with people, can follow conversation rules.
I'm afraid he's going to get kicked out of preschool. We've been called in twice since the first meeting in September. The school wants to bring in an occupational therapist. The pediatrician wants him to be tested and seems to think it's Aspergers. But nothing makes sense of the antihistamines. Could it be gluten? Are we looking at autism spectrum? something else? Any ideas on what's causing this or how to handle it???