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3 y/o hitting, call from daycare

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

I just had a meeting with my son's daycare director. She said that my son, who turned 3 in Sept, has been going around hitting the other kids, knocking them down, without provocation. Its not like they are both playing with something, and he gets upset and hits b/c he wants the toy. He just will be walking around, go up to some kid and bowl him/her over. We were aware of the problem, but not to this extent. He is an only child, and we don't deal with this issue at home. When we go to play dates with other kids, it doesn't seem to be a problem. I think he may be overwhelmed with being in this environment. He just started daycare in June when I went back to work, I was a SAHM before that. That is a long time for hitting the other kids to go on! It does not seem like just a phase. The director said that timeouts don't work, he stays in the corner, but shows no remorse or acknowledgement that what he did was wrong. She basically said that if we don't get this figured out, we may have to find a new daycare provider for him. He was in time out 3 times in the first hour of being at daycare today! I don't know how to address this. How can I teach him to be kind?? I feel so overwhelmed, I don't know how to change this behavior. Any suggestions are welcomed.

post #2 of 5

It might be hard, but the daycare provider might need to be a bit more proactive in their detective work to determine the cause of the outbursts. Alternatively if they have a viewing area where you can stop in and watch to see if you notice a  trigger.  Putting him in timeout doesn't address the "why" of the issue and that's why timeouts aren't working. Things don't just happen for no reason and if they aren't paying close enough attention then they are just as much to blame for not heading it off beforehand.  Also, do you do timeouts at home?  Is he familiar with them or do you use other methods?  Because inconsistency is another issue that comes to mind.

post #3 of 5

I agree with the previous poster--he is getting something that he wants (attention from the providers? relief from boredom? emotional outlet for overstimulation? more physical activity? a chance to get into time-out and away from the other children?) from this behavior.  Find out what he is trying to get--because there is probably a legitimate need at the root of it--and try to work out a better way for him to get it at daycare.

post #4 of 5
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sassyfirechick View Post
 

It might be hard, but the daycare provider might need to be a bit more proactive in their detective work to determine the cause of the outbursts. Alternatively if they have a viewing area where you can stop in and watch to see if you notice a  trigger.  Putting him in timeout doesn't address the "why" of the issue and that's why timeouts aren't working. Things don't just happen for no reason and if they aren't paying close enough attention then they are just as much to blame for not heading it off beforehand.  Also, do you do timeouts at home?  Is he familiar with them or do you use other methods?  Because inconsistency is another issue that comes to mind.

At home we do "time ins" quiet play in his room so he can calm and collect himself before apologizing, or cleaning up, or whatever to remedy the situation. We are consistent with that, but I can see how the difference in methods could be a problem. I now have some questions that will ask of the provider, like triggers etc that I didn't think of during the meeting. Thanks!

post #5 of 5
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vaske View Post
 

I agree with the previous poster--he is getting something that he wants (attention from the providers? relief from boredom? emotional outlet for overstimulation? more physical activity? a chance to get into time-out and away from the other children?) from this behavior.  Find out what he is trying to get--because there is probably a legitimate need at the root of it--and try to work out a better way for him to get it at daycare.

I think it is the attention that he is most seeking. After some more thought, the providers are changing everyday, there is not a constant teacher there all the time. I think that coupled with the change of just being in daycare from unlimited one on one time with me is causing him to get attention however he can. It could also be overstimulation. He prefers to play by himself, though will interact with the other kids. I just have noticed at playdates and other get togethers that he is perfectly content to play by himself. Thanks for all the opptions of what the root problem could be! Lots for my husband and I to consider. 

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