or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Pregnant w/o Partner
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Pregnant w/o Partner

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Hello all,

I am new to this site and am doing all I can to not feel isolated. I am a single mom of amazing pre-teen and am also 6 weeks pregnant with my second. I am so excited, joyful, scared, overwhelmed, and shocked all at the same time. While I feel so much better so far in this pregnancy the circumstances suck. When I told the father he flipped out and was very direct in telling me I was own my own. Talk about not knowing someone you thought you knew. I have enough life experience to know I can do this and do it successful. What I'm having a harder time with is feeling supported. I am determined to hold onto my joy but it very much feels like people could care less. I tried to be very proactive in speaking to my closest 3 friends who I wanted to be my village. Verbally they all agreed to help. Now they are all so totally consumed with the issues in their own lives that no one calls to just check in or just allow me to talk about my plans without the convo reverting back to them. One of the 3 has stopped communicating with me all together. It hurts because I know the kind of friend I've be to them and I'm not sure how much more creative I can be in reaching out. All the meetups for expectant moms are geared toward couples and or married women. I know families come in all sorts of variations but you would never know that when you seek out a new OB, books, or support groups. Thankfully I will have a doula for labor support and my kid will be a great big sister. But who will just be excited with me and reassure me that all will be well? Anyway this post is my last attempt to connect. If this fails I intend to cut people off and just embrace the loinliness. Expecting is hard enough without feeling like your living in your own head and I refuse to waste energy on being sad about a beautiful thing. I need all my energy to grow a healthy baby and plan for a new phase in life.
post #2 of 22
I am the mom to 2 beautiful unplanned children 6 months and 6 years. The second one was SO much easier. DS1 was my best "partner" during the pregnancy. He really found his caring side. He knew when I had heartburn and held my hand when nursing heart. My boyfriend was kind-of around, I had my mom, but my son was there. He's a great brother too. This is a kid normally bouncing off the walls. Hang in there. Feel free to pm me.
post #3 of 22
Thread Starter 
Hi Farmer Momma,

You give me hope. Yay, somebody else gets it. My experiences are oddly flipped flop. I was 18 in a relationship with my first. We ended our relationship when my daughter was five and although he was not the best partner he was and continues to be a good dad. Also my first was a really easy baby and good kid now. My pregnancy with her was hell. Sick most of the time and induced due to high blood pressure at the end.
His family was also a big help as we lived closer. My life is so much more stable now being almost 30, school done, decent job. But the father of this child responded the way you would expect a teen to, despite having advanced degrees and being very accomplished. Its not even that he doesn't want to participate its just how he said it. Shocking! I'm not sad that we will no longer be because the person I was dating is not real. The real person showed up when I told him and nothing in me wants who he really is. I'm sad that this innocent kid who has done no wrong will have no dad. And the person that I am didn't deserve his reaction. I gave him the protection yet he responded as if I had done something to him. We were both there!!! Still it is all happening to me and I am trying to take it one day. I want and love this baby already and when it gets here I hope that will be enough to get it through the hard times when it feels like it was left out. Thanks for your response.
post #4 of 22
Also. I really know what it's like to be the single one in support groups. It can be alienating at times but I've really appreciated the friendships I've built through them. Also sometimes there's so much husband bashing that I'm like you guys are making me never want to get married. Some are even jealous of me from time to time, getting to make all of the parenting decisions without someone else to Vito things.

How is this pregnancy going? I hope it can be easier than your first. Have you joined your due date club on here? I really loved my experience with it. I did have much Internet access with my first and the DDC really helped with the second, especially trying to have a more natural pregnancy and being empowered to make choices.

You and big sis and your community will give your baby all the love needed, though there may be times of feeling a little left out. The love is there.
post #5 of 22
Thread Starter 
It sounds like you were able to make attending groups a positive experience even being the "unique" one lol. I should keep an open mind about attending the group I just signed up with. What has it been like for you going from one to two? I'm hoping it's like riding a bike, that it will just all come back to me. Do you have two boys or one of each?

So far this pregnancy is good and I'm actually enjoying. The first time felt like a parasite invasion and I was just always so ready to be at the end. We really bonded once she was in my arms and I could eat like a normal person. The minor difficulty so far is always being hungry to the point that I could almost cry or become nauseous if I don't respond within five mins. This might be an issue as I'm a plus size girl and am preparing to be told to stay within 15 pound gain limit. I'm not sure that this baby will understand, so crossing my fingers.

I am waiting to join a birth club until after my first OB appointment in two weeks. Like you I'm on the internet so much more about this baby because every question I have, someone else has had it too. Do you still meetup now with the moms you did group with for play dates? I'm looking forward to that too. I do believe that we always get what we need so I'm encourgaed. I think your right, my support will kick in when I most need it.
post #6 of 22
I have 2 boys :-). Some of it was like riding a bike. Some of it I wish I had read up on again cause I couldn't quite remember:-/. I wish I could remember what it was I couldn't remember. One to two has been great mostly. I wasn't sure about my partner but knew I could do it on my own. I wanted a sibling for the first. DS1 has been great with the little guy. It's even easier now at 6 months when big bro can hold him without neck worry, and little guy can be playful.

Yes I have enjoyed my momma groups. I'm in a MOPS, mom of preschoolers, group. There are others who have been single mommas even if they weren't currently. They got it. Some with partners with little physical presence. My mops group has been great for me cause the kids were in another room and we could really talk about momma life. It's not for everyone though. It is a Christian organization and I'm not that religious but it worked for me. The other group I was in was an AP group and some of them are in our homeschool group now.
post #7 of 22
Thread Starter 
I have about four books I'm scanning at the moment trying to refresh. Its going well. I try not to read to much farther than where I am as not to become overwhelmed. Now that I've had my first OB apt and things appear to be going well I feel more relaxed and thankful. how are you and the boys? Ready for the holidays? I tell my daughter next week and can't wait to see her reaction.

Your suggestions gave me sine ideas. I checked and my church does have a single parents bible study that will start again in January. I plan to attend and also like you said and trusting that the support will come when needed.

Hope you have a happy holidays!
post #8 of 22
Hi. Things are crazy busy here of course. I'm so looking forward to January, cold uneventful January. So glad you've been seen for this pregnancy. Adds another layer of realness huh? Have you told your daughter? How did she react? I'm excited to know. Happy holidays to you and your growing family.
post #9 of 22

Hi, Christianyvonne.  I know this thread is a little older, but I can relate to your situation.  My boyfriend has been completely unwilling to step up thus far and is convinced that abortion is the only logical option.  I'm 9 weeks pregnant and have already decided that I'm going to raise this child.  I'm now almost certain that I'm going to do it on my own.  I have also had the experience of being abandoned by friends when you need them most.  When I moved back to PA two years ago after a divorce I relied on my closest friends for comfort and realized that they really don't have time in their lives for a friend in need.  I don't necessarily blame them, because everyone has their own things to deal with, but it was very disappointing to be alone.  I now expect that I'll be in the same boat, single and pregnant with friends that will pick up the phone every once in awhile but won't ever reach out.  It doesn't help that I've moved a lot (back and forth across the country) in the past two years and haven't really been able to maintain stable friendships.  If you ever need someone to talk to, please message me!

post #10 of 22
Thread Starter 
Happy New Year ladies. Sorry I was slow in responding. The easiness I was feeling in first trimester was a fake out lol. I'm okay just digestive issues and nausea. How are you ladies? Telling my daughter was so funny and exciting. She is totally on board but definitely is soaking up her last few months having mom to herself. MCHemme so nice to hear from you. How are things going for you? Please also feel free to message me anytime. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I pray that the discomfort we have felt about our individual situations will later be of help to someone else. If in the future I can help even one other women because of what I'm feeling now, it will be worth it. Trying to be open to the lesson this season is teaching. Still freaked out but am also awed that I'm being in trusted to take care of another person. I day dream about holding him or her. Still a long way to go.
post #11 of 22
Thread Starter 
Mcheeme hi again. Just wanted to add kudos for making such a brave decision with little support. If you need to bounce ideas off on me on how to make things logistically work, hit me up. Maybe we can research support resources in your area together. Making and maintaining friendships take time but maybe their are programs that may help you to feel a little more supported. My heath insurance has incentive programs for pregnant moms that provide check-ins and free breast pumps. Also here in Texas there are a few agencies than can assist with support groups, baby furniture, subsidized child care, etc. We can find out if your area has some similar programs.
post #12 of 22
So good to hear from you. I'm so happy that your daughter is excited. It's so much fun seeing the love siblings eyes. My two are so in love with each other.

Oh and baby is sitting like champ. Will sit and watch big bro for like 20minutes. Also getting around with a belly crawl. Yay babies! You showing? Feeling movement yet? I remember DS falling asleep with his hand on my bump feeling movement. So stinking sweet.

However, I just told baby's daddy that I wasn't going to hang out with him until we can get some counseling. He is so moapy because I don't want a relationship with him that he just isn't helping much. He just expects it's free time whenever he comes over. I'm like take the baby so I can do chores. Maybe give the baby a bath or trim nails or feed him a solid. Do something helpful please.

DS 1 asked "if I wanted a baby so much that I did it without getting married first?" That was a little awkward. I was like "well I wanted a baby but hadn't actually planned to have one right then." Uhm yeah.
post #13 of 22
Thread Starter 

Oh wow, your little one is ready to do big boy things. Nobody wants to stay a baby, why? Just kidding, lol. Are you having to baby proof areas now that he has a little more movement?


My belly is rounder for sure, but most people would not be able to tell just yet. I find out the gender next week. When not to gassey, I am able to feel those fluttering. So cool. Makes the experience more real. Your DS holding your stomach is such a sweet memory. Do you miss being pregnant? For some reason I'm feeling worse this trimester and am just ready to fast forward to holding baby in my arms.


Good for your for standing up for yourself. Sometimes dads try to make time you plan for the kids, re-attempts at family time. Someone told me once its because men are not able to seperate the idea of children without the partner. That's for sure how my daughter's dad was. eventually him dating other people helped, but I think he still thiks of me as his. Lame right?


Great save! Kid questions right??? I consider myself to be pretty open about most things, but the kid can always ask a question that makes me pause. Honesty is easiest :) Right all those goos answers down. I might need to borrow one from you someday. Now that you postpartum, do you feel more like yourself again, or has becoming a mom again created a new level of you?

post #14 of 22

I'm doing this too! Am halfway through the pregnancy -my son is almost 9. Thanks for sharing your story -it helps.

post #15 of 22
Thread Starter 
Thanks Emma. Half way done. YAY! Congrats to you and big brother.
post #16 of 22
Hi there,

Checking in. So first off tell me gender! I didn't find out with mine. At least I can know yours.

Oh my gosh if it wasn't crazy enough with a way too mobile baby we went and got puppies! Yikes! So baby is now crawling room to room and up steps. I just picked up my old pack and play which I barely used with my first. Good for puppy play while it's still cold?

No I don't miss being pregnant though I mostly enjoyed it. I feel it's strange how suddenly pregnancy becomes a world you don't belong to anymore.
post #17 of 22
Thread Starter 
Hey Lady,

You are so brave adding puppies to the mix right now, but I bet the kids love them. Potty training them soon will be fun lol. What fun and naughty stuff is baby boy getting into now that he's mobile?

I'm having a boy! Still wrapping my head around this info as I was so feeling like another girl was on the way. I just had a strong feeling. Oh well wrong lol. I just have no idea what to do with a boy. Sounds stupid I know but I just feel brand new about everything now.

How I wish I was at the end of this journey and holding my baby. Trimester two has really sucked. I am looking forward to just being me again and really getting a true sense of what life will be like. Of course worrying about the future is pointles, but I just need to be able to do it so I know that I can.

The experience of pregnancy being a world away. That would be awesome! Counting down.
post #18 of 22
Yay! A boy! Boys are fabulous. I hope you can handle fart talk. Lol.

We were at our favorite cafe and I thought little guy was cruise at the counter. Nope just picking up crumbs. Yay! Worried about allergies though and constipation so mostly just breast milk.

Oh puppies. Having some post partum puppy depression there. I didn't think they'd fight so ruff.

Hang in there. Baby boy will be here so soon. Enjoy your fetus.
post #19 of 22
Thread Starter 
LOL! Yes I think I can handle fart talk. The big kid loves to share all her smells with me and discuss her ease or not in the bathroom. Boundaries!!! Yeah right, maybe by the time she starts liking people and becomes a little self-conscious.

He's trying out foods. So fun! I love watching babies when thier trying to figure out if they like different flavors and textures. They make the funniest faces. Talk to you pedi about Muralax if constipation becomes a deal. It is safe for daily use if needed even for little ones.

Sorry about the puppies. Are they just rough housing or do you think more serious?

Thanks for checking in. Had another apt today and things are all still good with baby. I went by myself today and felt a little refreshed after having a couple of hours to myself.

Do you watch life class by chance? They just did a two part series on single patenting and I liked. Still on my DVR if I need later.

I hope you and the boys have a fun and relaxing weekend!
post #20 of 22

Still here too! I'm having a boy as well.


My son is worried about feeling jealous. It sure will be a time to slow down and be careful with lots of snuggles to go around.

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Pregnant w/o Partner