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The Saner TTC and Graduates -- The Beaver Moon - Page 2

post #21 of 213
Mama blue - beautiful!!! Congrats that all is looking well xxx bet you sleep well tonight smile.gif
post #22 of 213
Thanks ladies. I think I will sleep a little easier tonight.

Hey Mares, You and your family are so cute. Your son looks like a blond version of his daddy. Does your DD take after you?
post #23 of 213
Congrats Mamablue!!! Whew- great news! I have mine on Monday. A little nervous about it. I know this sounds silly but in my past pregnancies my bb's were much more tender and just different. Even the coloring of my areola was darker (sorry tmi) but I'm not noticing it this time. I definitely still have ALL the other symptoms (nausea, extreme fatigue, bloating etc). I know we are trying to keep our same over here....it is not very zen of me to obsess over my boobs (ha). Anyway I'm sure everything is fine. I know "every pregnancy is different...." I will be happy to see a little round bub on the sonogram like yours, Mamablue. :-)

Welcome Chrissy!! Glad you are here!

Oxford- I am sure you are on a roller coaster of emotions. One day you probably feel incredibly hopeful and renewed, then the next you fall apart and feel hopeless. I know that's how I process huge life changes. My Mom was diagnosed w/ breast cancer that had spread to 9 of her lymph nodes (not good) 5 years ago. She went through aggressive chemo and then radiation...during the initial period and then on and off throughout she (and I) went through similar ups and downs. It's like your mind wants to be positive but then the nagging doubt and worry takes over and you feel that sinking pit in your stomach. I think it is a natural grieving/adjustment process. Part of the "wrapping your brain around this huge new thing." Anyway she is fine- she had a brain tumor (which also seemed like that was the final straw) when I was pregnant with DS 3 years ago, and she had the gamma knife radiation and is again in remission. She is here now...with my dad and brother. They arrived this evening for Thanksgiving. (Sorry I don't mean to at all compare your situation to something morbid like cancer, but I sort of relate to the shocking news and the diagnosis...and then the denial, anger, sadness, feeling like you've accepted and can move forward positively, then back into the other stages). I am pretty intuitive.... not sure why but I tend to have a 6th sense about things. I have dreamed of several big things before they happened in my life....which is pretty scary because of course I have nightmares all the time that never come to fruition. But I have always just been very intuitive...not like a psychic or anything. I just for some reason have a good feeling that starting the meds and possibly moving to Clomid or the lap is going to be just what you need to move forward. Maybe I am wishful thinking, but I don't think so. I totally expect for you to pop in here with great news soon. Who knows....either way we are here for you and please don't be afraid to share your negative hopeless feelings because you're going to have those days. It is part of the healing process. If you stuff it down and pretend like it's not there, that's when you get stuck. So vent away Love.

Also about Thanksgiving yes it is just like you see on TV I'm sure. Tons of food...enough to feed 30 people but rarely does anyone host 30 people. A 15 pound turkey we roast in the oven, smoked ham, mashed potatoes, etc. We get so stuffed that no one can do much after eating so we park on the couch and watch football. We usually have 2-3 desserts. It is really a gluttonous feast! So good. The tradition is to give thanks for all of the things we have to be grateful for, and it goes back to when we came over from England (and other countries...I just happen to be mostly English) and didn't know the land or how to grow crops and farming over here, so some of the Native American Indians welcomed the settlers and created a friendship and showed them how to grow corn, wheat, the different ways to live off the land here. I know that many Indians were also killed and had their land taken from them, so it's sort of a touchy subject. But for the group that welcomed the settlers and there was peace between them- they started the tradition of the Thanksgiving Feast. (I may need to look in my history books to confirm the accuracy of that...I am going by memory of what we learned in high school 20 years ago! :-)

For us it also officially begins "The Holidays" so Christmas in on the horizon, we decorate with lights this week and put our Christmas Tree up. The kids get really excited. Good stuff.

So yes we will be preparing a lot of food tomorrow and then the real feast begins Thursday afternoon. I am going to try and avoid the in-laws. Thanks also for understanding my plight. Can you believe they would even have the nerve to suggest a vasectomy to DH?!?! They are really rude people. I think they were raised that way and don't know any better. They're a very whispery and gossipy group. It makes me uncomfortable but we only see them 3-4 times per year. Thankfully they are pretty uninvolved....hubby has a sister who is my age, and they completely coddle and spoil her and her kids rotten. She literally lives nextdoor to them so the grandparents keep her kids all the time. And those 2 grandchildren get the best of everything. It really is sort of pathetic the way they carry on....I just try to smile and be polite and make conversation but I can't wait for it to be over. It is sad......

Also ladies yes the IMAX was torture. If I didn't love my sweet DD so much....I think I would have just said sorry can't make this one! But to give you a little history (sorry this is kinda long!) - I also feel a lot of guilt because it was just her and I for 3 years while I was divorced and we had our own little routine. Then along came the man who would be hubby and we fell in love...she fell in love with him too (still adores him) but is also a bit jealous and now that we have DS, plus step-siblings, our life is much different. So much better in so many ways...but she reminisces about it being just us, living in the tiny condo(flat) and she had me all to herself. We were very close. Once I got remarried and then Pregnant, I think reality set in and she realized this wasn't going to be the fun scenario she had imagined. So she tried to regress a bit in kindergarten thru 2nd grade and really started to give myself and her teachers a bit if a struggle. So that has created some distance obviously. But I have been taking her to a counselor who is really, really good. Brooke loves her. She has helped immensely. Just having an outlet to get the feelings out and not be judged has helped her a lot.

So she is doing much better now and we are working on rekindling that closeness that we had for so long. Part of it I think every parent loses as their child grows....but some of the changes in our life has set her back and made it difficult to figure out her place in our new family. I think we have made huge progress compared to only a year ago. She is much better adjusted now. So- I try to carve out "Mommy-Brookey time" without DS or any other distractions, as my has possible. I usually do 1 or 2 field trips with her school, then I go to her class events when I can....just to give her some "me time" that I know she desperately needs. So at IMAX with the extreme sights, sounds, visual overload....and along with my pounding head and 150 third-graders all sugared up and running around like maniacs that had been let out of their cages for a day ( haha) it was tolerable. I did it for my sweet DD because I know what times like these mean to her. She saw how sick I was when we were leaving. There was only one stall so she got to view me blow my cookies in the ladies room....I hope she understands that I would sacrifice almost anything for her. Hopefully she will look back and remember that I did these things with her. I think she will. She is very wise beyond her years and thinks like a mature adult at times, which is terrifying. But I love her so much and just want to lay the groundwork for her to grow up with good self esteem and self image and know that I will always be here for her! And I want her to feel very valued and unconditionally loved...so that she doesn't seek attention from men as she grows into adolescence. That's one of my biggest fears. She craves my attention and I do my best to give it to her, but we have 6 people in the house at times. Gone are the days of just her and I...eating mint choc chip ice-cream out of the container and watching our favorite movies....even though we still try to do that every now and then while the boys go do their own thing. We make it work. But she really enjoys showing her mom off to her classmates. We are still "cool" at this point. There will be a day when she will be embarrassed for me to come around! Lol...so I toughed it out Monday, for my girl. :-)

Chuord- I hope you are enjoying the reunited BD....I think that's always the best!! Hope you are having a great week.

I really love the feel of the new thread! You ladies are amazing support!!

Take care and hugs to all xx
post #24 of 213
Also BY THE WAY Primal- I also had lighter and darker tests at different times of the day. I worried about I at first but when I had the labs done it showed my levels were almost 100 units! So 2 days before I had the fainter test. Which makes no sense. Your think with a sensitivity of 20-50 units of hcg, that a beta of 84 would equal a nice dark line! Not...the urine is a good preliminary indicator but blood and ultrasounds are way more accurate. So try to think positive and wait and see what you find out with your new OB. I hope you have a good vibe from her/ him. We'll be thinking of you!!!
post #25 of 213
Thread Starter 

I'm sure the US people are working on getting ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I just wanted to drop in and wish everyone a happy (and peaceful) holiday weekend.

post #26 of 213
Great reminder primal - hope you have a fab weekend US group xxx
post #27 of 213
Hi Everyone! Happy Thanksgiving to our US friends...hope everyone had a nice day with family.

Also wishing a good week/ weekend to our friends not on this shore. Hope you're all doing well and happy.

I have just settled in after a long and draining 2 days of cooking, and we finally had our meal this evening. I had a voracious migraine and really bad sickness from the pregnancy. It was so bad today I wasn't sure I could make it. I thought I would have to let hubby and my parents take over...and just lie down. But I took some nausea med and catnapped, then felt better and was able to pull through. We had a really lovely meal and it all went well. The cousins ran around and played and chased each other. I always love hearing their little giggling voices having so much fun. I was able to make nice and avoid too much conversation with the in-laws and also had lots of help cleaning up too which made it much better. So overall a good day.

I am a bit concerned about the severe nausea. This is the worst I have ever had with a pregnancy. I hope this isn't a sign of what is to come for the next 7 or more weeks! I plan to take digestive enzymes with every meal and try to stay on top of the nausea with small bland meals every 2 hours. If the nausea starts kicking in badly then I'm just going for the Phenergan. I had to use it with my last 2 pregnancies on occasion. My doctor feels comfortable with it. But I always try to get by without it if I can. Today that wasn't smart because the longer I let it go on, the worse it got.

We have all 4 kids for the next few days, so I am not going to let myself get violently ill like today....I am going to make sure I stay ahead of the sickness and dehydration.

Whoo....it sure is not any fun, but I keep reminding myself that it is soooo worth it. I hope our friends here dealing with sickness are faring well.

Here is a pic from our dinner tonight. All of the kids...DD is on the right...DS is sitting in DSD's lap next to his brother. The other two on the left are cousins. They had a ball :-)

post #28 of 213
Thread Starter 
Wengrin -- Sorry you are suffering. Have you ever tried Zofran? It's well studied in pregnancy, effective for a lot of people, and doesn't have the drowsiness/loopiness side effects of phenergan. I took it during my pregnancy with DD, which might have been the only way I was able to keep from losing my job. However you do it, I hope you're feeling better soon. Good for you for getting through the day.

We hosted for four friends. Boys were at their dad's, so we only had DD. Lots of cooking and cleaning. I'm mostly feeling alright, which of course us worrying. My symptoms probably just haven't arrived yet for the most part. I am having vivid and unpleasant dreams every night. I thought it was from changing my med dosage, but they've continued even after going back to my normal dose. It's not a huge deal, but I feel that I'm starting my days off balance.

So, DH had a bit of tooth removed from his gum earlier this week (a remnant from a previous extraction). He's been complaining of a sore throat since then. I took a look in his throat tonight, and good lord, he has some horrendous tonsilitis on one side. White patches all over, and so swollen. I feel so bad having him work all day to help me entertain. I'm taking him to urgent care tomorrow. I'm also feeling guilty that our guests were exposed to this, and I'm concerned for me and DD. I hate being sick so much. Anyway, he's been taking amoxicillin for two days (because of the dental work), and it's just been getting worse. That makes me think it's not strep (because it should have worked on strep), and maybe he needs something stronger. Wish us luck tomorrow getting it taken care of. He doesn't have health insurance (I do because I'm required for my job, but the family rate is unaffordable through my employer, so we pay out of pocket for everyone else's care. It's either do that or come up with $15,000/yr to cover the family.), so I'm hoping it won't be astronomical to pay for and we won't have any issues with him getting care.

Whew. How's everyone else doing?
post #29 of 213
Wengrin - hugs on the I'll feeling! Over here we use maxalon for that... It's also drowsy but not as bad as phenurgen.

Primal - I hope he gets better soon! Is it possible that its mouth thrush instead from the antibiotics? Probably not, but having had that before with my asthma inhalers I'm always on the lookout for it... If it is nilstat drops were the most effective for me... Hope you get answers
post #30 of 213
Thanks ladies...Primal I will ask my doctor about Zofran. I see him on Monday. I am so miserable. It feels like I stayed up late and have a hangover from too much drinking....I woke up at 4 AM feeling sick so went downstairs and had some saltines and ginger ale. I couldn't fall back to sleep. I hope this passes soon.

Primal your poor DH....I hope you and DD don't catch it. (Or your friends). I used to get awful tonsillitis when I was little. He must be feeling miserable. I also agree with Chuord though- could it possibly be yeast overgrowth from being on the antibiotics? I battled yeast for a while and the symptoms are very similar to a bacterial infection. I hope it doesn't cost a lot to get him treated. Health insurance keeps going up for us too as well as the co-pays. It is ridiculous... Hope he feels better soon.

I have had the very vivid nightmares and odd dreams, too. I read that it is the hormones...I hope your lack of physical symptoms just means you are one of the lucky ones!! I was talking to a friend of mine and she said with both of her kids she had zero symptoms. Two healthy boys and she could barely tell she was pregnant other than not being able to tie her shoes. Ha...

Oxford how are you doing? Are you and DH BD'ing a lot? Hope you two have a great weekend! TGIF (thank goodness it's Friday- do you all say that over in England?) We also call Wednesday "Hump Day" because it is the middle of the week so you're over the "hump" and on the downhill toward the weekend. There is a really funny commercial about it for Geico car insurance. If you have You Tube you can search for it...Hump Day Camel commercial. I love hearing about what you do in England and Chuord in Australia. That's one of the best things about this site. It makes the world seem so much smaller. Another strange thing that goes on here in the U.S. is today is Black Friday. Many people are off work from the thanksgiving holiday, so stores run crazy deals like flat screen TV's for $98...but you have to be in line when the doors open early at 4-6AM. Some stores opened last night. People camp-out and sleep outside the building for days in advance!! Seriously...to get a TV or a gaming system for their kids. It is pretty crazy. I have never gotten into it. I despise crowds. So I would rather pay a little more and shop on not-so-busy days.

Well Primal I hope you get some mild symptoms, just enough to put your mind at ease...not put you to bed. Or in the bathroom. Urgh....did you say you have an appt soon with the Dr? I guess you will be looking forward to that, so then you'll have some reassurance. I know I'm looking forward to seeing the sonogram on Monday. Just to see a heartbeat hopefully and know that everything is normal. I also hope you have a good fit with your OB. That is huge for me...knowing you feel comfortable and taken care of by your doctor.

Hope everyone else is doing well! Take care. :-)
post #31 of 213
Wengrin - Weren't your betas really high? What if there's two beans in there making you feel extra icky? Eeek!

Primal - I hope your honey is feeling better. Could you call the dentist? Maybe that would be a less expensive visit?
post #32 of 213
Originally Posted by mamaBlue View Post

Wengrin - Weren't your betas really high? What if there's two beans in there making you feel extra icky? Eeek!

Primal - I hope your honey is feeling better. Could you call the dentist? Maybe that would be a less expensive visit?
I have sort of been wondering the same thing!!! Yikes....I will know Monday I guess! I have a gut feeling that it is just one baby though. We will see!! :-)

How are you feeling Mamablue?
post #33 of 213
Lol Wengrin - but twins would be so exciting for us wink1.gif I can't wait to see that ultra sound...

Primal you are a week or two behind mamablue and Wengrin aren't you? So maybe you just haven't got to the symptoms yet.
Mamablue - have you been enjoying restful sleep after that gorgeous ultrasound?
Oxford - how's things?
Chrissy how are you going? Any news?
Mares hope you are getting more time with dh smile.gif
Anyone else that is around please jump in and update us on yourself.
Well dh is away again, we did get some 'quality' bd in, so I'm now just temping and waiting for o confirmation.. Had a lovely lunch outing with Ranee yesterday (no treatment just friends) and I made some yummy healthy chocolate coconut balls, I'm trying to make everything I eat as healthy as I can tolerate...
post #34 of 213
Wengrin - Looking forward to Monday!

Primal - How's hubby? How are you?

Chourd - coconut and chocolate together is always good!

Oxford - how's the metformin treating you?

I'm feeling kinda barfy. Nothing sounds good except the chicken enchiladas my MIL makes. I don't dare ask for them or she'll have me figured out. I want them desperately. Haha.
post #35 of 213
Thread Starter 
Hi, everyone. Forgive me for skipping personals, I'm all over the place tonight.

We took DH to the ED this morning. I thought his throat was looking better, but he was still having a lot of pain, so we went. The provider thought it was cold sores (four or five of them, all on one side, and only in the throat? very weird, but he probably knows better than I do). He prescribed antivirals and a coating mouthwash. We got in and out quickly, and I'll deal with the financials later. DH is feeling a lot better, started to as soon as we left the hospital (figures).

I, however, was really worn out by that point. I was really tired by the end of yesterday, and then doing the hospital thing just put me over. I've had some bad experiences with medical care, and even though everyone was nice today and there were no big problems, I was pretty tightly wound after that. I've been anxious and irritable all day. And then I get worried that this is delayed "PMS" and I'm about to lose my pregnancy. (I even Googled about it. Google is always nearby when I'm feeling anxious.)

I have been on top of anxiety stuff for a long time; it's disconcerting to feel it gaining speed like this.

I do think it all came from the hospital visit. I am thinking that I will feel better once I'm settled in with a provider I like. I have a lot of worry that they will be unkind, or judgmental of my choice to conceive now, or unsupportive and distant (my midwives were like this, oddly; I had to call them a bunch of times before they would see me when I was about to miscarry last time). I worry that they will shame me about my weight or my health.

So, keep your fingers crossed for me that this practice I'm looking at works out, and I'm able to get some reassuring monitoring sooner rather than later. I want to be relaxed and fatalistic about the outcome of this, but I just suck at it.

post #36 of 213
Awwww.....Primal, I am sorry you are worried. I'm glad DH got the med he needs to get better. I can relate to your anxiety and worry- you sound so much like myself. I hope this new provider is gentle and understanding.

The hormones of pregnancy exacerbate any underlying issues that I have. Like anxiety or insomnia or even GERD...it is like no matter how good of a handle I have on those things, during pregnancy everything gets turned upside down. I have found myself lately feeling really down and second guessing everything. I am sure it is my hormones. I am not sleeping well and of course that makes everything worse. The past few days I have been so extremely sick, I am getting depressed because of it. I just want to feel better. I started flipping out yesterday thinking "what have I done?!!! I brought this on myself. How am I going to pull it together for the holidays for my kids???! Why didn't I consider their needs before I decided to get pregnant with another child...how is this baby going to affect them?!?" I am letting my worries spiral out of control.

So Primal, I hope you get some reassurance soon...when you get in to see this OB.

Chuord- sounds like you are taking good care of yourself. That is great. I wish I had the dedication to make everything we eat...and not use prepared foods. Here in the US we have such low standards for what is in the foods we eat. I believe that all of the processed ingredients and preservatives are the reason for the cancer and disease that plagues us. Every time I get on a health kick it just doesn't last long. I get frustrated because it is so expensive to feed a family buying organic. I get the all-or-nothing mindset and instead of making progress I just figure I may as well give up. Plus DH was raised on very unhealthy foods..which he loves. So when I try to incorporate healthy foods for him, he gets frustrated. So I give up. Food is something that causes me so much guilt.

I was so sick yesterday...hubby and the kids were decorating for Christmas. So I stayed in bed on and off all day. The sun was going down and I realized I hadn't taken a shower or gotten dressed. So I showered and went out with the kids to run an errand. It helped to get out. I feel myself getting depressed. I am going to talk to the doctor Monday. If I don't start feeling better, I am going to be a basket case. That's no good. Hopefully they can give me a medication that will help with this extreme nausea. (Sigh)
post #37 of 213
Primal - hugs on the trauma reaction! I understand that tiredness was a contributor but I can't recommend strongly enough for you to do a kinergetics session. Apparently consciously you can treat whatever anxieties and issues but if the sub conscious has programmed you to have a panic/flight response only reprogramming the subconscious really fixes it. My little sister had meningitis when I was 7 (recovered), my grandma was in hospital when I was 4 and died afterwards. Before I cleared the issues I have taken cupcakes to dh at work (hospital) and the smell as you walk in the entrance was enough to trigger panic - really not visiting any one sick - just taking cupcakes! Now I go in with dh if he needs to collect stuff, and am relaxed - lol enough to wonder if he'd be up for bd in a cupboard or toilet somewhere (thought stayed in my head but)... For me it was critical to get treated, I'd built up so many 'traumas' that I was rendered almost dis functional, I know you're not that bad - but I just feel you are still so fragile after your loss because of all the judgement and trauma.

Wengrin - I'm really glad you are going to the doc on Monday - although I had an acquaintance who spent ages in hospital with nausea and lived on maxalon (it lasted the whole 9 months) she had it with both pregnancies. You need some relief, and it seems weird it is so different to the others... (Grinning smile.gif) I'm still thinking double trouble hehe that would be cool.
Mamablue - heck I'd let her know and get a steady supply coming in wink1.gif they sound fab!
All three of you remember to be 'gentle' with yourselves, don't be judgemental, harsh or bully yourselves - do what you can and be proud of that, accept your body is learning to adapt at present and love it for making the transition. It really helps, I used to be annoyed at what I couldn't do, the other emotion is soo much nicer. Lol and when you feel fab then push yourselves and be super mom again...
I know I don't 'understand' the emotions you have right now but I'm sending you love and zen to help xxx
post #38 of 213
Thread Starter 
Wengrin -- Nausea is the worst feeling in the world, imo. I don't blame you at all for feeling down over it. My previous midwife was a big believer in spending time outdoors to help with it; she thought a lot of indoor smells can trigger it. Might be easier said than done with the weather getting colder, though.

Chuord -- Thank you for the advice. I don't know what route I'll take, but I do agree that I need to deal with some of the medical baggage I have going on. I had a traumatic birth with my older son (emergent transfer after a very long and painful labor), and then post-partum complications with my next one (hospital staff was very shaming and skeptical, didn't believe me until they saw the piece of retained placenta on the ultrasound). I had a m/c before DS #1, and had a D&C in the hospital. Staff said some really ugly things to me, like it wasn't a baby yet, and that I couldn't bury it because it came out in pieces (regardless of what you believe, I feel that those things shouldn't be said to someone in that situation). DD's birth was a lot better; staff was very respectful and kind. It had its moments, though (six tries to get an IV started), and I was definitely on the edge of anxiety until she arrived. Since I'm probably going to plan on a hospital birth with this baby, I will have to work on doing some deeper healing, rather than just pressing forward (my favorite way to manage difficult experiences).

Also, Chuord, if you're ever here in the states, you must bring me chocolate coconut balls. Sounds so good; I may need to make some for the holidays.

Today has been a lot better; thanks for bearing with me yesterday. DH is feeling somewhat better, and we took the little one to the babysitter and took our big kids to see a movie. I enjoyed it a lot, and I definitely needed to get out of the house. I am working 12 days straight starting Monday, so I am trying to be refreshed and ready.

Also, the internet says that morning sickness doesn't usually start until around six weeks (I never even really had it with DS1), so I've decided to just chill out and be thankful for every day I am pregnant and feeling well.
post #39 of 213
Thanks Chuord- that really is one of my biggest struggles..I am bullying myself because I am frustrated with the things I cannot do. Then I start to think about how long this could last and I become completely overwhelmed. I need to change my perspective. There are tons of other people out there that can judge me, I don't need to judge myself. All makes perfect sense...now I just have to put it into practice. I do appreciate your wisdom, too. You have a great perspective, regardless of whether you've been pregnant before. So glad you have found healing, and being at a hospital doesn't trigger those bad memories. Too funny about considering jumping DH's bones in a closet!! That is one way to keep it interesting!! :-)

Mamablue I meant to tell you- that's funny about craving the chicken enchiladas. They sound yummy!! It is so funny how pregnancy makes you crave certain things and then gag over others.
post #40 of 213
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by mamaBlue View Post

I'm feeling kinda barfy. Nothing sounds good except the chicken enchiladas my MIL makes. I don't dare ask for them or she'll have me figured out. I want them desperately. Haha.

I would totally have DH call her and say he was craving them. You deserve enchiladas! If she does figure it out, it will make for a funny story down the road.

P.S., Your little bean is the most lovely and perfect embryo ever. I'm so glad for you!
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