We welcomed our baby boy on September 20th, he'll be 11 weeks on Friday! I will say the first 6 weeks are a steep learning curve but he's gradually becoming easier to read and my confidence as a new mom is increasing little by little as well. It takes a lot of faith and believing in yourself when you become a parent. Good luck to you, chuord! And feel free to PM me anytime.
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The Saner TTC and Graduates -- The Beaver Moon - Page 5post #82 of 21312/4/13 at 7:52pm
Chuord, that sounds like quite a interesting doctor's visit you have lined up for your husband! It's truly amazing what the capabilities are for testing nowadays—I feel like our parents missed out. Awesome unintentional planning on the appointment date! Also, I’m super unfamiliar with AMH but I’m going to try my best to follow along in your journey!
Also, Chuord, Wengrin—my mom went through breast cancer in 2011... not fun. Still battling the treatment side-effects. But she is kickin! The emotional effects of it are the most notable from the outside.
Primal, it sounds like you’ve had a wide variety of experiences. People can be so thoughtless sometimes and say quite the opposite of a comforting word when that’s what they’re going for. And then other times they’re just royal boobs who have terrible bedside manner. Hoping this one is a good experience. I hope the new OB works out!
Wengrin—I admire you for your strength! I can only imagine the journey you’ve gone through in the past few days to arrive on your positive mindset. Whatever happens and whatever you decide to do from there I hope you are happy, healthy and at peace!
mamaBlue, I hope everything is going well over there! how many weeks are you now?
Oxford, awesome that you’re back in the game! DH was watching me chart my cm (not sampling.... just charting) about a month ago (much to my warning) and was thoroughly grossed out. Bahahahahah
AFM : I woke DH up and told him about 5 minutes after that post. I told him I have a late...err early anniversary gift (it would be completely in my nature to be late anyway). If it was the first day I had a positive OPK, we're due on our anniversary, but it may have been 9 days later... I had a bunch of positive OPKS for a good bit there, but then I ran out. I'm anywhere from 12 to 21 DPO. I'm guessing the latter since it's so dark, but something strange I noticed: I started OPKs on the 12 and ran out on the 22, and had positives on the 12, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22. I had a bfn at home on the 11th and on at the doc's on the 15th (i was getting some really weird dizziness that they said was an inner ear thing).
He laughed and said, "Wow, really..? That's just a little late..." Then I held out the test and said, "do you know what this means?" Then he got excited :D Still sleepy, but excited.
It definitely hasn't set in for me yet. I'm not sure I believe it. My bosses and I ("the management team") have a big yearly planning meeting tomorrow that I'm sure will involve enough staff and future planning for me to feel kind of jerkish if I don't tell them I'm going to need to be out partway through the year and then part time after that (if at all). We're a really small team, too. I can't decide if I should tell them yet or not. One of my bosses saw I was stressed on Saturday and wrote me this really sweet note that had a strangely prophetic front, "There is a miracle living inside of you", then a totally normal and mild interior message. I’m really afraid of the pregnancy not lasting though, and while I’m close to them and wouldn’t mind them knowing, I just don’t know how I would bring it up if I end up miscarrying.
Also, I apologize for my really weird timing, being “that person” that pops back on and immediately finds out she’s pregnant. I was wondering last night, as I was sipping the pickle juice out of the jar (I kid you not. but hereagain not so strange from my normal) but seriously thought it was my head and realized I missed you guys as a support. That said, I’m so glad I could share it with you all.post #83 of 21312/5/13 at 1:43ampost #84 of 21312/5/13 at 4:03ampost #85 of 21312/5/13 at 5:31amFaith- FWIW I personally would not say anything to your work team. I used to be much more open but have been bitten in the rear by my naïveté one too many times. It seems in the corporate world, people change. The people you trust the most will stab you in the back if necessary. Plus like you said, you wouldn't want to have to explain if something went wrong (I'm sure that won't happen but the first trimester of course is risky). I hope you have some clarity and feel comfortable with your decision, whether you tell one person or the whole group. I just wanted to let you know what my strong opinion is. I have been burned and just feel like corporate life is playing the game...you can't show your real emotions or let your guard down, unfortunately. Especially if you're considering cutting to part time or leaving altogether. So cute how you told hubby. That is sweet that he was so sleepy but excited! Also glad you're here...wherever we are in our seasons of change I think it's great to have this support network.
Chuord I bet that must be so hilarious....taking a "sample" in with you. I bet for men that must be really tough, too. My DH would do it but I can imagine he would be nervous. He doesn't like it when the spotlight is on him. I guess if I made him laugh it would take some of the edge off. But I can imagine it must be hard. Even though as women we go through so much poking and prodding and have everything out there, they just don't do as well with that type of openness. (Mine at least.) I think the more sensitive and in touch your DH is the better. My Dad is very emotionally in touch and would be much more open about doing something like that, I think. Every guy is different. Hope your DH feels as good as he can about the idea! So great that you're going in 3 days after AF! That is perfect timing. So you can take comfort knowing you have a back-up plan. :-). Also thank you for sending positive energy my way!! I need it...
Also Dakipode congrats on welcoming your baby! Yes the first time you bring a baby home is quite the challenge but also soooo sweet. You will be amazed how you learn to read their cues and build a closer and stronger emotional bond each time you meet their need or soothe them. It is the most amazing thing. The first 3 months are a steep learning curve but it gets much easier and they start sleeping better (usually) so I bet you will notice a difference by the end of the year and feel even more confident. Congrats!
I had cramping on and off yesterday but no bleeding yet. I have been so incredibly nauseous and I hate knowing that the Progesterone that I am taking is causing it...I talked to hubby about whether I should just stop taking it and see what happens and he thinks I should. But the Dr said not to give up just yet. He doesn't think the Progesterone will prevent the inevitable but I have read that it can prolong it and keep your symptoms going even though there is a problem. So I am torn.
Hubby stayed home from work today to help me. The laundry was piling up and things at home needed to be done. So he did a lot last night and then offered to stay home today and I about jumped on him. It has been so hard feeling so yucky and being completely depressed and taking care of a 2 year old. We normally have a playgroup that we meet up with, but I just don't feel comfortable going and having to explain all of this to a large group. Even though they're all friends, it is just a sad situation and I don't want to be in a big group environment just yet, until I have some closure. Plus I am just sort of waiting for the blood to flow honestly. I wondered yesterday when we went grocery shopping when it would happen....I realized I needed to stock up on some heavy flow supplies just in case. (Sigh) So anyway it is great to have him home today. We are taking the kids to see The Nutcracker ballet on Saturday. Hopefully I will feel better. Yesterday I was just dry heaving (sorry TMI) with nothing in my stomach. I think I have lost a few pounds too. My tummy has gone down. So then of course I wonder if that means I am not pregnant anymore....if my body is shutting it down. I don't know. I know I am not eating very much and most often can't hold down what I do eat, so maybe that is it. I just have to feel better soon. This constant malaise and nausea is the absolute worst. It feels like the worst college hangover ever.....every single day.
I hope everyone is doing well today. Take care!post #86 of 21312/5/13 at 7:01amFaith- if it's not too late, I am totally with wengrin on this, don't tell them. I too work in the corporate world and you will be planned out in ways that are not ok. I assume your role will continue and it will still news to be covered while your on mat leave, so it is not dishonest to keep planning for the role even though you know you won't be the person in the role ;-)
I am going part time in 1 January to reduce my stress and hopefully help TTC- yes I am taking this very seriously!!! I hope it will help. Anyway, my point is, that even dropping to 3 days a week I've already been written off in small ways that I really didn't expect. Things I used to have an input to, now I don't get asked. It's like they have written me off already. I imagine there is a risk of that in your situation. However you must do what you feel is right and that is most authentic and aligned to your beliefs. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you. Great to hear you have supportive colleagues though!
Wengrin- be gentle on your self. I hear you tussling with what to do and what is right and reason everything through in your intelligent mind that is used to knowing the answer. Scarily this time, only your body knows, but it does know so trust. There's no time limit here and no responsibility to get it right. Give yourself some space and lots of love. I feel your pressure. Great that DH is helping out, make sure you tell him what you need and be kind to yourself. It must be so tough being in the centre of all this uncertainty and having a toddler to care for. You can go back to being brilliant at everything when you are through this uncertain time and you know what's happening, in the meantime please give yourself a break. You are fabulous and I wish you lived nearer to take you out for tea and cake ;-)
Chuord- men do take this stuff sentinels don't they? Over here men have to give their sample at the hospital. The waiting room is the same as the fertility clinic so you see all the men looking so so nervous and out of place. My DH told me about the room they take them to with a small couch, a dimmed table lamp and a pile of dirty mags!!!! Lol. Luckily we could laugh about it all. On a serious note though, when his results came back ok, he said he was relieved not to have the "you're only half a man" conversation. It reminded me how this is so core to their masculinity and self esteem so we should be gentle.
Still, all the tests I have had have been much more painful and intrusive!!!!!!
Good for you for taking him along and finding out what's what. What date is your appointment and we can all send you some good vibes?
Over here, my CM has dried up today and a temp rise so I think o was yesterday, will wait and see. We bd last night and then two days before, so should be covered. I will keep DH on the job though as cd 12 would be early for me. A regular cycle is 30 days so this would be 27. Entirely possible. Maybe my body is making up for the 39 and 43 day cycles it have me in autumn!! I don't care as long as an egg actually appears. Hopefully it will tango with the sperm supply and we're in business!!!
Bad day at work today so in hanging out and trying to distract myself! I better go so something. Best wishes to you all :-)post #87 of 21312/5/13 at 8:31amOxford I am so glad you're able to cut back to part time. That will be a relief for you, I imagine. I remember the pressure and stress of it. Blah- I know it must be hard to sense that you're being looked over and not consulted about things, but the brith side is that you get to unload some of that weight and responsibility...it is a double edged sword but you will love the relief that you'll feel, I bet. It is always hard to relinquish control and step back. Good for you and your family that you're working on though!
Also tea and cake sounds divine! If only this world weren't so large. :-)
Yes I am struggling with not knowing....it is so hard to wait and be unsure if the heart has stopped beating or if by a fluke chance everything is fine. I am preparing myself for the most likely outcome and then if by chance it meant nothing then I will be surprised. But I am already planning on feeling better soon, not being pregnant....trying to find some positives in the midst of my despair. I certainly am sick of being sick though, and not being able to keep up with our normal routine. Even DD (she is at her dads until the weekend) but I feel bad for her. She can tell something is bothering me but I am not going to weigh her down with this uncertainty...I will tell her of course once we know something but for now I am just not myself and it is not fair to her and DS. I think I am also beating myself up because my identity is largely tied up in being a mama and taking care of my family...I have barely been able to take care of myself and pick up dinners or order out. And the laundry piling up was a painful reminder of the job that I am not doing. My senses tell me to cut myself a break and not beat myself up, and I am really trying to allow myself time to feel better and recover, but the monkey-mind voice in my head has other opinions.
I messaged someone from the mothering site (not this group but on another thread) who I found had been through the diagnosis of enlarged yolk sac....she was so kind and wrote me back, shared her experience with me, and was honest and didn't try to sugar coat the situation. She ended up miscarrying...her baby's heart stopped beating around the same gestation that I will be over the next 2 weeks. I know there are people who end up with nothing to worry about, but it is not the usual outcome. So I think it helps if I prepare myself for the most likely outcome and hope for the best.
I am sorry for the pity party...I am trying to think positive but it is too painful to set myself up for that kind of blow. Sigh...anyway:
Chuord I had no idea they have the man come in and prepare the sample on site!! That must be hilarious. They provide dirty magazines!?! How funny is that. I just assumed that you could bring one in with you. I guess they need a fresh batch to analyze....I guess that makes sense because the sperm probably die off as time passes. Yes, men....their masculinity is so important to them. It is something we have to be very careful with. I know Oxford you have certainly subjected yourself to wayyyy more invasive tests. That is why women give birth and men don't. They just couldn't handle all of that. But there are many things that men and their tough masculinity can swallow that would make me cry. So we do have very different roles.
I am still chuckling over the thought of the men going to the fertility clinic and looking so nervous and out of place. The dim light and couch!! Oh gosh thanks for the laugh, Oxford. I needed that! :-)post #88 of 21312/5/13 at 1:17pmDakipode - sorry I missed last post... I'm so glad you are in this wonderful world of growing with your baby... Can't wait to be there
Faith - there is heaps of sense in Wengrin and oxfords comments - I haven't had to tell any of my bosses that so Ive never seen the change of attitude.
Wengrin and Oxford - lol so much re the seedy couch! Lucky for dh he can bring his with him, it just has to be 2 hours or less old it frequently cracks me up about men and the fact their entire manliness resides in that organ... Lol can you even imagine them giving birth hehehe... I know Wengrin they have other strengths - but lol!
appointment should be fun (17-12) he advertises himself as someone who can bring humour into the toughest conversation, specializes in older women and has many same sex couples - obviously we are not that but I love the friendly vibe he gives off - plus someone G knows used him after a bad first experience elsewhere... I didn't mention that when I rang for an appointment the next opening was in June next year... So I jokingly said 'if I wait till then I'll be 40' at which point she found me a cancellation lol - obviously I fit the emergency category
Oxford - I'm both happy for you cutting back on work - and sad that they are treating you that way... I like honesty and trust and you're right the corporate world is full of 'climbers' that don't really care. Woohoo for early o! Have you been temping? I must confess I have... I came to the conclusion that for me it helps with my zen lol.
Wengrin - I did a session yesterday and all I can tell you is that your energy is beautiful - I mean national geographic beautiful... I saw an image not dissimilar to a whales geometric shape, a unified collection of energy that had beautiful flow and movement. I got the impression that it was your body - and although it enjoyed the energy, it is already on the right course of action... Everything felt gentle, caring and yet strong and resolved. I got a huge impression of it being trustworthy and totally on your side... I know it sounds weird (no surprise from me lol) and I try not to share the bits I get while doing energy... But for you regardless of the outcome - trust your body to be doing exactly what is right for you, it is an amazing entity.
Primal, mamablue, mares - ladies please let us know all is well? I miss hearing from you
Afm - I'm still feeling at peace with this cycle and positive... I had a sharp but mild twinge yesterday 6dpo a tiny pink bit in my creamy last night (tmi sorry) and a temp drop today... Also some dull achey pains... Just keeping you up to datepost #89 of 21312/5/13 at 1:47pmpost #90 of 21312/5/13 at 4:07pmAwwww thank you Chuord...that is comforting to know. I definitely sense that my body is up to something. It is amazing how our bodies know exactly what we need at all times.
That is great that your DH escaped the seedy couch....lol. Your fertility specialist sounds very warm and relaxed, which is great.
Thanks, Oxford. :-)
I am doing okay. I am considering calling the doctors office tomorrow or Monday and explain that I am having pretty bad cramps. I know that would earn me an office visit and a scan! I thought about that....it is just torture waiting a full 2 weeks to know if something is failing. I know I need to just relax and wait, but it really is torturous. This is only thinking about myself but it is still my thought...what if the pregnancy has ended but my body isn't recognizing it because I am pumping it full of progesterone. Meanwhile that progesterone is making me SO sick and if I knew that I was miscarrying or already miscarried then at least I could stop the progesterone and get on the road to feeling better eventually. I have eaten chicken noodle soup and saltine crackers every day. I am so ready to feel somewhat normal again.post #91 of 21312/5/13 at 4:13pmpost #92 of 21312/5/13 at 6:46pmThread StarterWengrin -- I would definitely ask for another scan before two weeks. A week might not give you a conclusive answer, but it very well might. And if that heart is still beating and you're still in a waiting game, at least you know that much. I feel for you so much.
Chuord -- Such a promising place you're in! A good chance this month, a plan B all ready to go, and a DH ready and willing to do his part for the testing! (That sounded bad, but you know, some husbands are more than a little reluctant to go under the microscope.)
Oxford -- Exciting for you, too! So glad you're feeling better, and that the meds seem to be helping even things out. I generally O around CD 11 or 12. Maybe that will be your new normal.
Faith -- Congrats! I'll join in the advice party and say that telling now or waiting is a personal choice, but don't do it before you're ready because you feel you owe it to anyone. Five or six month's notice for leave is plenty of time to put things in order. And, if you have any reason to think it will hurt your situation, wait as long as you can. I don't feel that pregnant women are discriminated against where I work, but the culture is a bit out of the corporate norm. I told my boss and coworkers early last time, and then had to deal with everyone knowing when I miscarried. It was okay, but I'm waiting longer this time. Going to have fun watching them think I'm just getting unapologetically fatter! I think the exception to the "when in doubt, wait" wisdom would be if your pregnancy is interfering with your work at all (morning sickness, frequent appointments, bikini model concerns). In that case, tell your employer right away *in writing* so that you're protected against being fired for those reasons (in the US, employers are required to provide reasonable accommodations). And my final piece of advice is not to let your boss find out from anyone but you. So when you're ready to tell, tell them first. Good luck!
AFM, Doing okay. My next appointment is on the 17th, so I'm trying to distract myself. Pregnancy time just crawls! I'm sleeping weird and rather puffy by the end of the day, but otherwise pretty close to normal. I've had some food smell aversions, but not much in the way of real nausea. By ovulation, I'm six weeks tomorrow.
(And I'm NOT getting ahead of myself and looking at names, and I'm NOT already, like, completely convinced it's a girl, and I've NOT already plotted our cosleeping setup for this one.)
Right, my distractions...
I am traveling to a health event this weekend, which I'm fine with. I'm always run down once the week starts again and I haven't had any days off, but the travel itself I don't mind. I'm the queen of finding good hotels for government rate, and I get to watch cable tv, which we don't have at home. When I get back, DH and I are planning on getting serious about Christmas planning. It always sneaks up on me (and how does that happen when the days are crawling by at a pregnant pace?).post #93 of 21312/5/13 at 6:55pmThread Starterpost #94 of 21312/5/13 at 7:39pmRofl primal! (I agree with lamp btw)... Love the bikini model comparison - of course we could all fill that job right lol is have to be out on the rack to get tall enough.
I love that your NOT obsessing over baby details - lol!!! So when your ready to share said details let us know you sound and feel like you are in an awesome space while waiting - loving it!
Btw really dumb question, you count the weeks from your last AF right? Even if you know o date?post #95 of 21312/5/13 at 7:48pmThread StarterChuord -- Most accurate is to count from fourteen days before your O. If you have a 28 dau cycle and O on day 14, then your dates will match the ones they give you. If your cycle is longer or shorter, though, it'll be off. My cycle is shorter, so until my later u/s, the doctor always thinks my due date is later than what I do. I don't argue with them, though. Not going to nitpick over a few days. They always end up moving my due date up after my ultrasound.post #96 of 21312/5/13 at 8:40pmpost #97 of 21312/5/13 at 9:57pmpost #98 of 21312/6/13 at 1:17amMamablue- great to have you back! I hope the break has done you good and your zen is high my friend. Even if not, I'm looking forward to hearing all your news!
Chuord- your specialist sounds really good- very caring and human! It's so easy for them to just see us as bodies and forget the huge emotional charge that goes with TTC. I think you have chosen him well. Also, he must have quite a reputation if you couldn't originally get an appointment until June. I'm so pleased that you are getting a bit of help, I know what a huge scary decision it is!
Primal- take it easy with your cable tv and call room service! You have been working such a long time, the things we all do for our families :-). Looking forward to hearing your baby names... Whenever you even start thinking about planning that stuff!! ;-)
I'm relieved to hear that you o on cd11 or 12, I was thinking my body was messed up again and now o was abnormally early instead of late. At least a shorter cycle will help me get more chances in ;-)
Wengrin- if you feel like another scan will help you, you go for it. You know your body better than others and two weeks sounds like such an arbitrary time period. Keep taking care of yourself and being kind. Don't worry about the house, it's small stuff compared to the syo you are in. If it's upsetting you to see the housework slide, can you get in a one off cleaner? I know it's expensive but if it lifts a load off your mind to go play out with the kids and arrive home to a sparkly house to relax in, it could be worth it. As for DS and dd, I bet they are concerned about you, because they clearly adore you!! You as a person, not just what you can do for them. They will be there supporting you I. Their own little ways and then when you are through this uncertainty they can have your fabulous super mum undivided attention! In the meantime they will wait for you, it's a marathon, not a sprint, so they sometimes need to be patient the way you always are with them. I can hear what an awesome mum (mom) you are, so give yourself a break :-) hope DH is still stepping up and supporting you. The global support team is still here too
For me, I think I has happened but still waiting for confirmation. Yes, chuord, I have still been doing some cheeky temping!! Although I sId I wouldn't, I really needed to see what effect these drugs are having on my body. I really don't like taking drugs, but if it reboots my sust it will be well worth all the nasty side effects.
Glad the sperm sample story brought some lightness for you. Apparently there are a series of rooms they go through to get to the final room, like different waiting rooms so they don't bump into each other. I imagine it's like the doors in Alice in wonderland! Then, do you know what the final room is called??
The relaxation room!!!!!!
Lol.post #99 of 21312/6/13 at 11:49am'The relaxation room' hehehe - oh I can imagine a bunch of sheepish guys.... Hilarious!
Mamablue I'm with Oxford, so glad you can do that and readjust your calm... I obviously can't stay away!
Anyone who may be interested.. Here's my chart
I'm feeling quite twingy this morning, but I'm just loving being in the game... I have 6 frer and I'm raring to use them when it's time lolpost #100 of 21312/6/13 at 12:22pmToo funny about the Relaxation Room! I totally envision Alice in Wonderland...
Mamablue glad you're doing well!
Chuord hope you get to use those FRER's soon and keep feeling great!
Ladies I took little DS to a play date today with our toddler playgroup. It was good to get out and see friends. I have shared the news with the other moms in the group, so it was a little tough having to talk about it openly especially because almost everyone else is pregnant. Not because I am so much jealous of them, but it is hard to be depressed about pregnancy and have everyone else be bubbly about it...(theirs I mean, not about my situation). It was actually a little baby shower for one of the moms..she is due in 6 weeks. So we had to talk about her baby plans and of course be joyful for her, which is hard when I am not sure if my baby's heart is beating or not. But the benefits of seeing everyone and DS having fun playing with his buddies far outweighed the negatives. So I need to push myself to interact more. It definitely helps distract you from your own problems.
Hope everyone is doing well. Happy Friday!
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