or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Queer Parenting › Queer Conceptions December
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Queer Conceptions December - Page 2

post #21 of 101
Thread Starter 
Just a quick post will be back for personals later. Sandiegongp - fx for you! is DP taking progesterone?
post #22 of 101
Sandiego - careful about reading to heavily into the shade of the line, especially less than 24 hours apart. As the saying goes, "a line is a line". Some people never get dark lines. The fact is, she's pregnant. I really hope for you both that she stays that way. Unfortunately, it's hard to stop worrying that something will go wrong even once the blood tests confirm it, even once the ultrasound confirms it, heck - even once the kid is HERE. Congrats for today. No matter what happens, it is a really good sign that she was able to get pregnant.
post #23 of 101

Sandiego- I agree with exatly what Sphinxy said. I'm sending sticky vibes your way and am crossing my fingers that this is it.


Mama- Did you hear back from the RE's office? If they don't get back to you do you have other options for RE's in your area? I am not really familiar with your story but it sounds like you have gone through a lot of really frustrating stuff.


Agrex- hugs to you and your DP. I am sorry it didn't stick.


Liz- Congratulations on your baby boy!!


Darcy- Thanks for the new thread. Was your ultrasound today? How did it go? My fingers are crossed that the estradiol did a wonderful job of thickening your lining.


Fried- Yay for all your pregnancy symptoms and being too happy to complain! I have always thought that it would be lovely to have those early symptoms because it means you are pregnant!!!


AFM- Please move us to TWW. We did our first insem on Sunday night. Our KD wasn't available this cycle so we used a back up KD, who is my DP's best friend. I am a little worried about using KD2 since he doesn't look anything like my DP and his family seems to have very strong features. Also, his gf is currently pregnant and since we don't plan on being very vocal about who our donor is, I am worried the babies would look alike. But, at the end of the day, I care more about having a LO then where the sperm comes from and we are so fortunate to have a back up option. My temps have been wacky and haven't really gone up yet so we are trying for another insemination tonight, even though all other signs point to O on Sunday. Is it possible that I already ovulated even if my temp didn't raise that much?

Also, out of curiosity, how important is it to you/DP that a donor have similarties to the parent who isn't genitically linked? My partner is trans and there are some people who he isn't out to and I wouldn't want people to question it if our baby doesn't look like him. He is mexican and has beautiful dark features and tan skin and I am pretty pale, so using a mexican donor would be ideal for us, which is what KD1 is.

Ok, I'm rambling now. Time to get back to work! :p

post #24 of 101
Thread Starter 
Another quickie until I get home from work tonight but I need advice. My lead follicle is 18mm and I have a couple smaller ones now too. He told me to trigger tonight with an insem on Friday at 2:30 (the only appt he had available). Here is my dilemma - historically I ovulate the next day after finding an 18mm follie. I have done 2 other medicated cycles where I ovulated really quickly and I am just worried my insem will be too late. I am supposed to trigger tonight at 2:30 am but feel like I am probably already surging on my own. Anyone btdt with injectables? Thanks so much.
post #25 of 101
Darcy-I thought with injectables Dr's are usually looking for a follie bigger than 18. Mine were around 20. What CD are you? Is this when you typically ovulate? What makes you think you are surging? Is your cervix high, open, soft and pink? I think those are better indicators than and OPK if you are using those. The timing he gave you is 36 hours after trigger for IUI. That could work just fine. I know this is the most stressful part of the process! If it were me, I would trust what the ultrasound showed. You can also see if they might be able to squeeze you in a little earlier or keep you on call for any cancellations. Good luck!
post #26 of 101
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much for the quick response pokey! I am CD10 but what concerns me most is that in the past I surged on my own both times they found an 18mm follie. Ovulating on CD11 and CD12 the next month. I did opks back then and also had O confirmed by US the next day. I will have DW check my cervix tonight and I already asked to be on waitlist for cancellations. Thank you so much for your input and support. This timing stuff is crazymaking!
post #27 of 101
Thread Starter 

BByH1Pr - Welcome back! Yay for new gay donor. I just came back after a long break so I don't recall how long you have been trying. 


agrex - I am so sorry. I hope you are able to try again really soon. 


mama - Thanks the estradiol did work! My lining was 9.5 today. So glad to hear all your results came back normal and that you are all clear for IVF! Did you hear back from the nurse yet? I find this part of TTC to be so frustrating and am not thrilled with my RE office by any means. If I didn't have Kaiser I would have switched a long time ago..I hope you heard back and can start ASAP. 


Hopeful22 - Thanks for the good thoughts. My lining is good to go! That's so great you have a couple options even if one of them isn't your ideal match. I will sometimes get a slow rise on temps after I have ovulated. I think it's different for everyone but historically do you get a sharp spike? We tried our best to find a donor who was similar to DW but not exact. She has brown hair and blue eyes and the donor is dark blond and hazel. I was more concerned regarding overall features, intelligence, health, height etc..but we are using frozen. If we could find a KD I would be much less picky! 


AFM - Ahhh the timing crap is going kill me. Went for CD10 US today and RE said to trigger at 2:30 a.m. tonight/this morning and insem Friday. There was lots of activity on the US monitor and I feel like my ovaries are going to burst at any moment - so much pressure. My estradiol is 1084 but I only found that out because I checked online. I have no idea what that really means but I am glad to see it rose from 140 on Monday. If this doesn't work this month I will definitely be ordering two vials and have a midwife do an additional insem (My RE will only do 1) so I don't lose my mind. The swimmers arrived this afternoon so that went off without a hitch. RE also wants me to do 3 more vials of menopur tonight for the hell of it to see if any of the smaller follies will have a shot. It's been many months since I have done this and it's just as stressful as I remember. I am trying to keep calm by going to yoga, breathing and just trying to relax. I know the stress doesn't help things. 

post #28 of 101
Originally Posted by Hopeful22 View Post

Also, out of curiosity, how important is it to you/DP that a donor have similarties to the parent who isn't genitically linked? My partner is trans and there are some people who he isn't out to and I wouldn't want people to question it if our baby doesn't look like him. He is mexican and has beautiful dark features and tan skin and I am pretty pale, so using a mexican donor would be ideal for us, which is what KD1 is.

Ok, I'm rambling now. Time to get back to work! :p


Threadcrashing....my DD looks so much like her donor and not much like me at all (and I'm the carrying mama).....genetics are funny and it can be a crap shoot what baby will look like. 

post #29 of 101
thanks for your thoughts lea, sandiego, hopeful, fried, and Darcy and everyone else!

After 3 emails and 2 phone calls, I finally heard back from the RE's office. One nurse basically blamed it on another. Ugh. I hate that shit. Anyway, we have progress, I went in for my day 3 bloodwork, start Marvelon again today (to sync with DW's cycle), and probably start Lupron on the 24th. But before we stim, the clinic requires that we do a "donor/surrogate agreement" even though we're married. It's such a farce because in the event that there is a divorce, the legal document won't hold up in court anyway! But they wot proceed until we have one done by a lawyer. We've contacted one, and it'll be another thousand dollar hoop to jump through. I am so frustrated with the heterocentric system!!!
post #30 of 101

Mama, heterocentric is right!  and heterosexist, too!  When I think of all the things we have to pay for and go through that hetero couples do not....grr.  The only thing that I can say is probably easier in general with queer couples is that conception and infertility issues do not directly affect our sex lives--that is, we can have sex without necessarily having to think about the difficulty we're having getting pregnant.  Other than that....well, I"ll just start ranting about money again, so I'll move on.  But, Mama, I'm SO glad things are moving forward, and sorry that someone tried to pass the buck.  Taking responsibility is nice too...


Afu, I'm grading paper and prepping for my interview tomorrow, still shaken up from when a student had an epileptic attack in my class today.  she's okay now, and it wasn't her first nor her worst, but that doesn't mean it wasn't still terrifying for her and her roommates who came to help.  while this is going on, tomorrow morning lady is going to take a blood test because it will be 14dpiui and we now have 6 pee sticks with increasingly visible, albeit still faint, positives.  the one from tonight is really excitingly darker than the ones before.


again, this could not stick around, but it's so fun right now because we really had lost hope that lady would get pregnant by our donor and/or by iui.  or even at all.  so, everything works!  so far!  now all i want to do is buy onesies, but it's probably a really good thing that i don't have the time to even online window shop.  !!!!!!

post #31 of 101

oh, yes, and re: donor sperm, i would be the non-bio mom, and we picked a donor who is 2/3 like me and 1/3 like lady.  although his height is like neither of us, it's just that my shorter lady only wanted very tall donors, so we picked a 6-footer!  he's got light eyes like her, curly hair like me, is half jewish (i'm full, she's none), and allergic to bees like me, and vegetarian like her.  he's into city planning, which is related to some of my academic work, and he has a sense of humor.  he also expressed that he would be happy to one day meet any offspring and described his family members lovingly.  oh, and he's gotten at least 11 women pregnant that we know of, so he's potent ;)


we only have 4 vials left, so if this one sticks, we might have enough to have a genetic sibling one day!!!  i'm not holding my breath though because that depends on So. Many. Factors.  still, it would be really nice to not have to change donors.  

post #32 of 101
Thread Starter 

mama - I am so glad you were able to move forward despite the shitty response from your RE office. In the future if my eggs dont do the trick I would love to do reciprocal IVF. I can't wait to hear how this all progresses! Sorry about having to shell out more money for a piece of paper that wont hold up in court. Ugh! 


sandiegongp - So excited for you! Keep us posted!! 


AFM - After emailing the RE with my info regarding my CM, previous charting info/ovulation dates he gave me the option of an earlier insem yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn't hear back from him until yesterday morning so I had already triggered at 2:30 a.m. At that point we had to make a decision whether to go with my gut or go with the original insem time. I asked for an ultrasound to confirm whether I O'd or not but he wouldn't do it because he said that it wouldn't give us an answer either way. I know that is BS because I have had it done before at another clinic and you can clearly see the fluid from a collapsed follicle. So we decided to go for 4pm yesterday which was 14 hours past the trigger and 24 hours past the time I felt ovulation pain. I truly believe I ovulated Wednesday night because my O pains were so distinct, my cervix was high and open and I had EWCM which was the only day this cycle that I had it. I feel like this cycle was a bust and the scariest part was the cost. I am doing my best to stay positive and that I still have a shot. Here is the breakdown:


4 ultrasounds/RE visits on CD1, CD8, CD10 & CD11 - 800 bucks

menopur, trigger shot, clomid and estrace 600 bucks 

frozen swimmers including shipping - 800 bucks 

total cost for 1 try with a surprise early O - $2200


We have one more shot at this before we are officially broke! I actually grabbed an IUI catheter on the way out of the clinic yesterday. After calling about 10 midwives in San Diego and finding out none of them do home insems, we are going rogue and will try an IUI at home with DW doing the inseminating. I will also ask for an extra day of monitoring around CD9 so that we can trigger before my natural LH surge. This TWW should prove interesting because we are adopting a dog from Mexico tomorrow. DW has been wanting one ever since we bought our house and tomorrow is the day. Hopefully the new pup (2yo shepherd mix) will keep me busy and my mind off the wait! 


How is everyone else doing? Please let me know if anyone else needs to be moved. Lots of luck to those of you in the TWW! 

post #33 of 101

Darcy, just a quick note for 2 things, maybe 3:


- lady thought she early o'd, then thought she late o'd, and this is the first cycle we've actually gotten pregnant at all, so you never know...well, i mean, you will know in two weeks, but you get what i mean.

- congrats on new doggy!  that is so exciting!  we should do a doggy playdate (although our dog is less interested in dogs than people so he might just want pets)

- there is someone in SD who will do in-office IUIs (she only does the insem, doesn't even have an ultrasound machine, so monitoring and meds are out or up to you?) for less than $200.  does that help?


lady took her blood test this morning, waiting for results, my skype interview is in 1 hour.  this is madness!

post #34 of 101
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the hopes on the early O situation. I know it's still a possibility and I am sending lots of good thoughts to my egg(s) and the swimmers. At what point did she actually have the insem?

Too funny about your dog liking people more. I had a beagle when I was younger and he was the same way! Would love to do a playdate. Also, I am definitely interested in the in office IUI - do you know what her hours are? Lots of luck on your interview and test results!! My fingers and toes are crossed for you two!

post #35 of 101

Good luck Sandie, on all accounts!


Darcy - I hope the timing turns out to be great! It doesn't sound too far off to me!


Can I solicit the wise and thoughtful opinions of this amazing group of people?

We're contemplating trying to get an insem in this month instead of waiting until January, but to do so we would need KD to overnight ship sperm to us using test yolk buffer (we've used donor home delivery in the past, but I'm thinking of switching to baby dust delivery) and he'd have to ship it on 12/23 for arrival on 12/24. 

1) He'd be shipping it to where I'll be visiting my family for Christmas, so I'll have to decide whether to try to be subtle about the package/insem or just tell them what is happening (they know we're trying, but I try not to involve them in the process much other than answering their questions if they ask about)

2) Shipping for arrival on Christmas Eve day sounds like it might be a terrible idea, just in terms of typical christmas commerce (which my family doesn't really participate in, so I forgot about when we came up with this tentative plan)

3) We haven't had luck with shipping the two times we tried it before, which might be because our timing was a little off on one, and KD packaged it wrong on one, but also might be because our KD does have slightly lower than average motility and morphology, so maybe his sperm just don't want to survive that long? 


I'm eager to continue the process and he's up for shipping if we want him to, but I just can't decide if it will be too much to deal with. Between the shipping kit and cost of overnight mail, it would be around $175, which is significantly less than a plane ticket or a vial of frozen sperm...What would you do if you were in my position? 


If it doesn't happen this time, our January plan is that I'll fly back to NYC for yet another try. I have never appreciated my frequent flyer mile credit cards as much as I have this past year with all my cross country insemination travel...16 months since we first started trying (19 months since I started temping) and pretty much vacillate between, "we've waited this long, so what's another month to wait?" and feeling totally impatient and frustrated.  


Thanks for your thoughts!

post #36 of 101
Thread Starter 

Thanks Lea! For 175 I would give it a whirl! It might go off without a hitch and it might not but I still see it as an extra chance!  

post #37 of 101

you guys you guys you guys!  bfp!


bloodwork results: progesterone 38,  hcg 199 (i think i'm remembering this right--my head is spinning from that and the interview!) and we are to start looking for an obgyn.  our re will do an ultrasound in 2 weeks and a second round of bloodwork to make sure things are going well.  


what's weird is we all know that these things do not always stick, but our re never once mentioned anything about "if that happens" or things to look out for, just straight up treated us like we are definitely going to produce a human in 9 months.  which is awesome, but i can see how if we weren't aware of the miscarriage rates we might be really unprepared for that possibility.  i mean, unprepared on top of the fact that can you ever really prepare for something like that.  but, alas, i'm doing the worst case scenario thing when i should be celebrating!


it's just hard to trust that it will happen.  i feel like i'll be holding my breath indefinitely now.  omg this is insane.


ps during the insem, i told our re that i no longer thought we would get pregnant by iui, and was just utterly pessimistic, so of course she had a field day with that when she told lady the good news.  at our insem, she offered me the vial, and i was like "no, why would i want that?  i'll just be throwing it out in 2 weeks."  hahaha glad i took it from her!

post #38 of 101
Thread Starter 

Sandiegongp - :joy :joy:joy:joy:joy Congratulations!! Tell me when you are ready for me to move you!!

post #39 of 101
sandiego!!! congrats to you and the lady! Hope your interview went well too! Holy shit congrats!!!!!

Lea- I'd go for it too! Every month is another chance!

Darcy- fx for you! The first time DW and I inseminated was at home by ourselves. All we needed was a speculum, catheter and syringe, and a headlamp! It was actually really fun and much less stressful than an IUI at the RE clinic.
post #40 of 101
Thread Starter 

mama - I just got finished reading through your blog today - I love it! Did your DW do an IUI or ICI? Any tips?

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Queer Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Queer Parenting › Queer Conceptions December