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Everyone's a critic....

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

I'm venting, but I am also open to advice.

 

Feeling a bit annoyed with a conversation I had with coworkers last night (a pack of NICU nurses talking about their opinions on labor and delivery...yikes!) - while it all opened up with sweet and sincere questions about my due date and names, it quickly changed to the topic of "birth plans".  Apparently my coworkers are ok with the idea of me having an doula, but not ok with me planning on having a natural birth in the hospital.  Why do people get so bent out of shape when they hear someone wants to deliver a baby drug-free?  Isn't the baby still safe?  Isn't the person delivering the baby the only one who would be feeling the pain anyway?  Doesn't everyone experience pain differently?  Am I missing something?  I'm starting to feel like people can't WAIT to tell me how my perception of labor and delivery is so wrong.  My birth plan is written with flexibility - since this is my first time, maybe I'll change my mind about the pain meds after 12 hours.  I'd like to not get an episiotomy, but maybe something will dictate otherwise in delivery.  I'm getting tempted to tell people I'm not interested in discussing my pregnancy, but then I sound like a jerk.  

post #2 of 11

I've come to a point in which I just opt not to discuss it myself.. even names… everybody has an opinion (like holes in their rear ends) but neither you, nor me, needs to hear them. don't be afraid to say what you need to say.. in reality, it's your business, not theirs. good luck!

post #3 of 11

P.S…. so these nurses are okay with doping up the baby too? wow.

post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 

I suppose so!  Hopefully their personal decisions are different from their professional decisions. One of the nurses I spoke with talked about how she watched a natural birth and then a birth with an epidural - she loved how the gal with the epidural was all beautiful and smiling, just pushed a few times, no pain.  The woman with the natural birth was sweaty, screaming, etc.  I don't want to make my birth plan decisions based on what I think I should look like during labor.  

post #5 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by cj-crafty View Post
 

  I don't want to make my birth plan decisions based on what I think I should look like during labor.  

:yeah

 

I have two coworkers that are like your coworkers. They think natural childbirth is crazy and they both have talked about looking good with hair and make-up in labor and delivery pictures. I look like I got hit by a train in my birth pictures but that's just fine with me!

post #6 of 11

How are they "not ok" with your preferences regarding your own birth? It's not up to them to be okay about it or not. It is your birth, not theirs. I would just not talk about your preferences with them... you could say something like "Well, we're just going to take it as it comes, because no matter what plans you make, things can change at the last minute anyway". If they bring it up again, you can probably deflect it by asking how their births went or what they want from their own birth. People love to talk about themselves. 

 

I didn't put much in my birth plan about specific procedures anyway, since I figured it could all change anyway if things dragged out. 

 

I don't think epidurals "dope up the baby", fwiw. Twilight sleep definitely did, back in the day, but we've come a long way since then. 

 

I don't have a problem with somebody else choosing an epidural. In my case, my labor with my first wasn't really long enough to where it seems like there would have been much point, and if it's similarly short or shorter the second time around, I don't see where the benefits outweigh the hassle, so I again plan on putting it off for a while and then getting it if it drags out. But if I'd had 12 hour or 24 hour or (yikes) 34 hour labor, like some of my friends, I'd have rethought at some point. 

 

I think I looked just fine in my post-birth pictures, too, not that that is on my priority list. ;)

post #7 of 11

I frequently run in to the opinion brigade... Sometimes its older extended family members or sometimes its ladies elsewhere. I have found the people uncomfortable with natural birth are the same people who generally are uncomfortable with breast feeding especially extended breast feeding baby wearing and pretty much attachment parenting in general. People are uncomfortable with what they either dont know about or when they are TRULY conflicted about the choices they made for their own family.  The woman who says to me "well you arent going to get a medal for going med free" probably feels like because you are choosing differently and probably have an educated opinion of why needs to "justify" her choice which for the ignorant and small minded generally means attacking the opposing/ differing view point. my grandmother often did this while I was breastfeeding my DD "I never breastfed any of my kids and they are just fine!!!" I disagree that they are all fine but just tell her this is the way I PARENT and she did alot of things in the 60's I wouldnt do now in light of better information and the end the conversation. I have some real good conversation enders built up over the years. Now when people ask and I can tell they are generally not very openminded I just say "Well i dont have very mainstream opinions on this topic and don't really want to debate my choices sorry"

post #8 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by cj-crafty View Post
 

I suppose so!  Hopefully their personal decisions are different from their professional decisions. One of the nurses I spoke with talked about how she watched a natural birth and then a birth with an epidural - she loved how the gal with the epidural was all beautiful and smiling, just pushed a few times, no pain.  The woman with the natural birth was sweaty, screaming, etc.  I don't want to make my birth plan decisions based on what I think I should look like during labor.  

omg, that's so ridiculous! women are made to birth. anyone who says epidurals are "a godsend" have it all wrong - our bodies are made to do this. 

post #9 of 11

i guess i don't understand why people would be against natural birth. like, why? really, why be against what nature intended? 

post #10 of 11
I think first time moms get bullied a lot more than moms who have done it before. With my first everyone had an opinion about everything - birth plan, name, diet, breastfeeding - people were anxious to get their two cents in. This time no one really comments but then again this time I'm not afraid to say "I'd rather not discuss it" with a stepford smile. If it were me I'd tell them eft politely that the subject is no longer up for discussion.
post #11 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola P View Post

I think first time moms get bullied a lot more than moms who have done it before. With my first everyone had an opinion about everything - birth plan, name, diet, breastfeeding - people were anxious to get their two cents in. This time no one really comments but then again this time I'm not afraid to say "I'd rather not discuss it" with a stepford smile. If it were me I'd tell them eft politely that the subject is no longer up for discussion.


When my darling Mother in law has her go at letting me know her opinion I am always quick to remind her that she may have had 5 children this is my second pregnancy and I am well equipped to make my own decisions. I always like to add/ask where she sourced her information and then lay out how much research I do on the daily this normally shuts her up quickly... Coincidentally this also works with my grandmother when she questions "my obsession with breastfeeding"

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