Hi. My name is Melissa. I know this site is meant for moms and I'm a teenager but I'm in desperate need of some guidance.
I am very unhappy in high school and, because of that, I've made some really bad choices. Now it's three weeks till the end of my first semester in my senior year and I'm failing all of my classes.
I just… can't find the motivation. I'm bored, and I find my classes stupid and irrelevant. I don't like many of my teachers either. What's more is the fact that I've never done particularly well in school because I have a hard time learning things unless I have some interest in the material.
I want to drop out and get my ged so I can go right into college. Then I can work on getting a degree in computer animation for movies and video games and such while putting away money to one day buy a house for me and my family. However, my mother is unsupportive to say the least. She thinks I would be missing out on my education. I disagree. I have a friend who is younger than me who got her ged and is doing just fine in college as I type this.
I just don't understand why I had to choose between human anatomy and forensics as my required science credit for this year when it is completely irrelevant to my desired career. America's education system leaves a lot to be desired. We try to make everyone average at everything instead of making everyone fantastic at what they're good at and are passionate about.
Anyway, I can understand where she is coming from. My mother has had a life of hardship and struggle. We are incredibly poor and were even homeless for several months. My step-father and my mom don't get along but are stuck in a hopeless unhappy marriage. We can't ever get ahead because we are drowning in debt and the government won't help us. If we didn't have food stamps we would be on the street or starving right now. My mother's car is always breaking down and the repairs cost us insane amounts of money but we can't afford to get another. It's like we are in a hole and more and more dirt just keeps piling on top of us until we are suffocating.
I don't want anything from my motherI except her support and for her not to look at me like I'm a failure and a disappointment when I even attempt to broach the topic of procuring a ged.
I know I must sound incredibly bratty in this post but I just really can't stand high school. I have low self-esteem and anxiety and have a hard time interacting with people my age. I'm much more comfortable around adults. I can't concentrate in class because I worry about whether or not I'm going to come home to an eviction notice for the rundown trailer we live in.
I'm an incredibly opinionated person and I am very vocal about anything I believe is unjust or unfair. I stand up for what I believe. This has led to many fights between my mom and me because our opinions are always so different. This just adds stress to our already strained relationship. I just don't know how to get her to listen to me and accept that high school isn't the place for me.
I need to get her to understand that the road to success isn't wrapped up in high school and that I can succeed without a diploma. I've even tried coercing her into looking at my research on the ged and all of my attempts are met with rejection. (She gets frustrated and tells me to drop the issue.)
She says that she feels like she has no say in anything that I do, because my biological father has filled my head with his "stupid theories" that I blabber on about. And I suppose it's true, my dad and I have a more liberal approach to things than my mother and we are both intrigued by technology and certain branches of science and history. I am also a self-proclaimed atheist and this upsets my mother a lot. She says she fears that I have lost my way and I'm blundering around in the dark.
The worst part of all of this is that I value her opinion so highly. My mother is my hero because she is such a strong person who has been though so much. And I don't feel like I can just disregard what she says. If my grades were higher, I would stick it out until the end of the year. However, I've talked to my councillor and she says that there is no way I can retake all of my classes and still walk with my class if I fail this semester and the way my grades are looking, there is no way I can pull them up in just a few weeks.
I know I've rambled a lot in this post, and I apologize. I just have no one to talk to that I can trust and so I blather out my problems to a mostly unsympathetic internet populace.
I'm drowning in depression, worry, and desperation and I just want a little bit of advice and reassurance. Thank you for reading this and anything you have to say is greatly appreciated.
(Also, I was unsure which tag to post this under so I hope I put it under the right one)