Would really appreciate advice on this situation...
DS (5 yo) came back from spending Thanksgiving at his dad's house last night. One of the first things I heard about when he got home was that his dad had thrown more of his toys away. (Ex thinks this is an effective discipline method...and btw, it is not in any way connected to how DS might be playing with the toy.) What I know so far is that DS supposedly said something/had an attitude Ex didn't like, so he threw away one of his toys. This has happened at least once before, when Ex pretended to flush a couple of DS's toys down the toilet (what is up with that??!) in a similar situation...i.e. Ex didn't like what DS was saying, and DS didn't immediately obey when told to stop.
I am so mad at Ex, I honestly can barely think rationally right now. That type of "discipline", to me, is horrible at best and abusive at worst. To make it worse, I have no idea how to handle this. I feel like I have the right, as DS's mother, to address this with his dad, though I try to stay out of his parenting as much as possible. I need a script or something to talk to him about this, but even if we manage to have a constructive conversation about it, it's not like I can prevent it from happening again. So I know I need to give DS the tools to deal with his dad in the future. I think that's what I'm asking here :)...advice for how to help DS deal with his dad every other weekend.
I should also mention that, from bits and pieces I hear from both DS and the ex, DS is different with him than he is with me...and not in a good way. That is probably a combination of Ex being such a different parent than I am (also not in a good way, at least IMO), and the fact that Ex can be very condescending and spiteful toward me and my family when talking to DS. I can only imagine this would make DS confused, angry, and upset to hear his loved ones talked about that way, even if he isn't quite old enough to put a label on his emotions yet. So this is what I think of when Ex describes one of the sweetest, happiest people I have ever known as being an "angry child." :(