Oh my goodness: I have a 5-year old and 20 month twins, and I agree with the other moms who have responded- it is just very hard! My two little girls did not sleep or nap well either: so many times I would try to nurse them to sleep, and they wouldn't sleep, and I would end up going for a walk or a drive just to get them to sleep. It was so very exhausting. I can't imagine also homeschooling a child: it was all I could do to get my daughter dropped off for her 3-hour preschool program every day. And my husband cooked dinner most nights, and I did almost no house cleaning. It's SO much just keeping three kids fed and clean. We were so fortunate to find a reasonably priced cleaning service that we used in our house every two weeks. It was all I could do to de-clutter so that the service could clean, let alone actually clean! Now we've moved and can't afford help cleaning, so my hubby and I just clean together a little bit every night and for an hour on the weekend. But we NEVER would have had energy for that at 7 months. My guy still comes home from work and cooks dinner regularly. If you're going to cook fresh food, even a really simple dinner, it's just too hard to do with two babies pulling on your legs and yelling at you. I wonder if there's a deeper reason your husband has a wall up when it comes to empathizing with you. I know that my hubby and I sometimes were too tired to sympathize with each other. At other times, he dumped on me because he simply didn't want to do more work himself. I always told him that I sympathized with him, and that of course he deserved more rest, but we just didn't have any space in our lives for more rest. It was tough: I've definitely never worked so hard as that first 14 months or so. Once my girls were really moving around well so that they could be more independent (for short times), and were sleeping better, our lives started to get slowly easier. But it still gets harder here and there: last week we had the stomach flu. :-)
At seven months, I was still only showering every four days or so. I used to pee in my pants occasionally, because I would ignore the urge while getting the girls changed and out the door for my older daughter's preschool drop-off, and by the time I got near a bathroom again . . . whoops. It was CRAZY! I used to run around with sweat down to my belt-line. And again: I wasn't cleaning a lot or cooking every night. I was just keeping everyone fed and changed, and happy most of the time. I just remembered one thing that really helped me mentally many days: I would just approach each day as a walking meditation. One thing at a time, one foot in front of the other, breathe deep. When things got really bad I would find a little way to treat myself- even just taking everyone to Target, so that I could sit still for the van ride. I often ate a ton of dark chocolate in the afternoon, to create "me" time and enjoy something. When I type it out it sounds pretty desperate, but of course these were really happy times, too. It's just so intense to have two!
I love simple slow-cooker meals. Schedules do not come at all easily to me, but at 15 months I listened to someone's advice and put the girls on a pretty rigid daily schedule, and they responded really well to that. I didn't think it was possible, but it was great. Other than that, just be very kind to yourself. I felt very distant from my husband for large chunks of time, because our relationship was all business, and we were working so hard. Take a moment once in a while to remind each other of how much work you're doing, and how you intend to reconnect on the other end of this.
My two girls are 20 months now, and they are so hilarious. It's amazing how different they are, and very fun to see their different approaches to life really emerging. They mostly ignored or antagonized each other until the past 3-4 months, and they are finally really starting to play sometimes. They still need a lot of help and monitoring in their interactions. But they also obviously love each other: they even gang up and stand up for each other to me, which is thrilling (Mae helped Natalie escape today when Nat didn't want her diaper changed!) Sometimes I still wake up thinking that I just can't do it: that I don't have the energy to face my day. But I have a much clearer picture now of how it's going to keep getting easier, and how we're all going to survive.
Good luck and best wishes! You have so many sister moms who have dirty floors and laundry everywhere and would give a pint of blood for a full day of rest. :-) I'll think of you tomorrow when I'm cleaning up from breakfast: chipping oatmeal off the floor, wall, and ceiling while my girls are tearing the living room apart.